My Father Was an Anonymous Sperm Donor

Washington Post ^ | 17 December 2006 | Katrina Clark

[shrinkermd]

...I'm 18, and for most of my life, I haven't known half my origins...

...That part came from my father. The only thing was, I had never met him, never heard any stories about him, never seen a picture of him. I didn't know his name. My mother never talked about him -- because she didn't have a clue who he was.

When she was 32, my mother -- single, and worried that she might never marry and have a family -- allowed a doctor wearing rubber gloves to inject a syringe of sperm from an unknown man into her uterus so that she could have a baby. I am the result: a donor-conceived child....

...I was angry at the idea that where donor conception is concerned, everyone focuses on the "parents" -- the adults who can make choices about their own lives. The recipient gets sympathy for wanting to have a child. The donor gets a guarantee of anonymity and absolution from any responsibility for the offspring of his "donation." As long as these adults are happy, then donor conception is a success, right?

Not so. The children born of these transactions are people, too. Those of us in the first documented generation of donor babies -- conceived in the late 1980s and early '90s, when sperm banks became more common and donor insemination began to flourish.. I'm here to tell you that emotionally, many of us are not keeping up. We didn't ask to be born into this situation, with its limitations and confusion. It's hypocritical of parents and medical professionals to assume that biological roots won't matter to the "products" of the cryobanks' service, when the longing for a biological relationship is what brings customers to the banks in the first place.

[Tamar1973]

You going blame this Monk OKAYYY ROFL

Note post 128. LOL! Monk brought Star Wars into this first! LOL!

[Born in a Rage]

Fishtalk: "I don't know what to say here. How awful to know that someone jerked off into a jar and now here you are. It's just...just not right. The whole process serves further to put fathers onto the sidelines and minimize their need. Thankfully most babies are NOT born this way."

Biar says:

I'm sorry to say this, but if you think most of us were conceived by two people hopelessly in love, gazing into each other's eyes while speaking of the moonlight and fate...you're a hopeless romantic and your head is in the clouds.

I don't care who you are in this life, there is always something to complain about with your parents. This girl should be glad she is alive and stop blaming her suicidal thoughts on her mother. If she thinks her mother is "selfish", I'm sure there are lots of other people who have two parents at home who could say the same thing about their mothers. It's called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

[Born in a Rage]

Way to go hunter112 :-)

[little jeremiah]

I've read that children raised by widows do better than those raised by single mothers where the father is merely absent.

Children with deceased fathers know that their father is gone not because he doesn't care but because he CAN'T be there.

It makes a lot of difference.

[Dustbunny]

Did her mother love her? Cuddle her, take care of her when she was sick? Did she feed her, clothe her, house her and keep her clean? Did her mother teach her the difference between right and wrong? If her mother did all of these things then she had it better than many children that do know their fathers.

[monkapotamus]

[Campion]

I'm sorry to say this, but if you think most of us were conceived by two people hopelessly in love, gazing into each other's eyes while speaking of the moonlight and fate...you're a hopeless romantic and your head is in the clouds.

The issue is not what "most of us do," but what is morally right. (Appealing to what "most of us do" is technically called a "bandwagon fallacy".) Deliberately making a baby without a dad in the picture, so mom can have her "needs met," is just wrong.

Ditto for men making babies with the help of rent-a-wombs.

Children need parents of both sexes. They need them because moms and dads parent in different ways, and they also need them so they can experience a close, loving, trusting relationship with a person of the same sex, and a person of the opposite sex.

Not only that, but viewing children as a mechanism to meet the needs of their parents is wrong in any circumstance. Children aren't put on earth to serve the needs of their parents. It's the other way around.

[Tamar1973]

My favourite Yoda picture.

[SevenofNine]

ROFL LOL! that too funny hey Yoda look like doctor who operate on my knee back in early 1990s LOL!

That just wrong LOL! I know just wrong he was nice guy too bad he was dead he was old man and my family primary doctor

[monkapotamus]

I know what you need:

http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/product/sku__DV502

[monkapotamus]

Cool. My doctor looked and talked like Dracula. :(

[nopardons]

Adopted children used to not know who either of their biological parents were. At least the author of this piece knows all about the maternal side.

[nopardons]

What child has a "choice" ab out being born?

[Tamar1973]

No. This is what I need.

[Born in a Rage]

I don't agree that kids need parents of both sexes. I grew up without my father around and I'm just fine.

Some children are better off without one of their parents around them...some mothers and/or fathers abuse their kids. I'd rather see one female have a child and raise the baby herself rather than see a mother and father combo who treat their kids badly.

You really shouldn't be passing judgment on this woman. I mean, she could have gotten married to someone she didn't love, had sex with him, get pregnant, and then leave him...taking the baby with her. Would that be any better?

[nopardons]

Do you then think that it's okay for a woman to have an abortion, when she is raped and a child is conceived? Just a simple yes or no will suffice.

[Albion Wilde]

Thank you, but I defer to maica's and Mrs. Don-o's posts.

[Tamar1973]

I grew up without my father around and I'm just fine.

Unfortunately, a lot of fatherless children end up damaged in one way or another that could have been prevented if a loving father had been in the picture. The statistics bear this out.

[Albion Wilde]

If she thinks her mother is "selfish", I'm sure there are lots of other people who have two parents at home who could say the same thing about their mothers. It's called Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

And you chose your screen name because..... ? Whatever the reason, should you just get over it? Or is it important to you?

[Albion Wilde]

Adopted children used to not know who either of their biological parents were. At least the author of this piece knows all about the maternal side.

These rationalizations are like saying to a rape victim, "Get a life. At least he only used your vagina."