Posted on 12/11/2006 1:58:29 AM PST by Mrs Ivan
If you plan to travel the world expecting to get by on English, think again.
The language you need is Globish, according to a French author who says that the British are failing to seize the mother tongue of international communication.
Globish is a simple, pragmatic form of English codified by Jean-Paul Nerrière, a retired vice-president of IBM in the United States.
It involves a vocabulary limited to 1,500 words, short sentences, basic syntax, an absence of idiomatic expressions and extensive hand gestures to get the point across.
Mr Nerrière, 66, originally sought to help non-English speakers — and notably his compatriots — in the era when business meetings are invariably held en anglais. He advised that instead of struggling to master the Queen’s English, they should content themselves with Globish.
His two books, Don’t Speak English, Parlez Globish and Découvrez le Globish, became bestsellers in France and were also published in Spain, Italy, South Korea and Canada. They are also being translated into Japanese.
“Globish is a proletarian and popular idiom which does not aim at cultural understanding or at the acquisition of a talent enabling the speaker to shine at Hyde Park Corner,” he wrote.
“It is designed for trivial efficiency, always, everywhere, with everyone.”
Mr Nerrière says that his globalised version of English is now so common that Britons, Americans and other English-speakers should learn it too. “The point is that Anglophones no longer own English,” he told The Times in Paris.
“It is now owned by people in Singapore, Ulan Bator, Montevideo, Beijing and elsewhere.”
He says that in multi- national meetings, Anglo-Saxons stand out as strange because they cling to their original language instead of using the elementary English adopted by colleagues from other countries.
Their florid phraseology and grammatical complexities are often incomprehensible, said Mr Nerrière, who added: “One thing you never do in Globish is tell a joke.
“The only jokes which cross frontiers involve sex, race and religion and you should never mention those in an international meeting.”
The fast-talking Mr Nerrière has developed software to help English-speakers to acquire written Globish.
The program checks English words and eliminates those not included in the 1,500-strong Globish list.
Mr Nerrière said: “English- speakers need to make the effort to speak like everyone else. If they do, they will not be seen as arrogant and they might even become popular.”
He said that commercial ventures could depend upon the mastery of Globish. “If you lose a contract to a Moroccan rival because you’re speaking an English that no one apart from another Anglophone understands, then you’ve got a problem.”
Aware that purists may baulk at his ideas, Mr Nerrière insists that Globish should be confined to international exchanges. Other languages — French, German, Italian as well as orthodox English — should be preserved as vehicles of culture.
In other words, he believes that we should learn French for Molière, Italian for Dante, German for Goethe, Spanish for Cervantes, English for Shakespeare and Globish to discuss the price of steel in China.
Talk the talk
Use only words in the Globish glossary
Keep sentences short
Repeat yourself
Avoid metaphors and colourful expressions
Avoid negative questions
Avoid all humour
Avoid acronyms
Use gestures and visual aids
Don’t say Siblings
Say The other children of my mother and father
Don’t say Eerie
Say Strange
Don’t say A bun in the oven
Say Pregnant.
Don’t say Globish is the gateway to international conversation
Do say Globish helps you to talk to people from other countries
My best friend is French descent and he hates the French. I just don't like folks who don't have the decency to be gracious even when they aren't happy about something. There's a lack of decency that afflicts both sides of the Atlantic among Socialists. I see it as my mission to bring socialists from both sides together. Preferably on a raft in the middle of the Atlantic.
I'm actually a redneck from Tennessee. I've just travelled a lot and learned a bunch of languages in the process. I try to keep an open mind, but in the process of seeing quite a few things, I've always seen a certain group of people who constantly try to destroy our way of life. It's always the Socialists.
So it's not necessarily the French I hate, it's the philosophy of the socialists in power. I know plenty of wonderful people from France. The more wonderful they are, the more they too, hate socialists.
I've been through the favelas of Brasil to the top of the Eiffel Tower. In the end, whenever I encounter human misery, somewhere, there is a socialist behind it.
Conservative? Yep. Whatever political activism I have to do to keep those socialists out of my wallet and away from my children is what I'll do.
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