Posted on 11/26/2006 7:10:26 AM PST by madprof98
Zach Plante is close with his parents - he plays baseball with them and, on weekends, helps with work in the small vineyard they keep at their northern California home.
Lately, though, his parents have begun to notice subtle changes in their son. Among other things, he's announced that he wants to grow his hair longer - and sometimes greets his father with "Yo, Dad!"
"Little comments will come out of his mouth that have a bit of that teen swagger," says Tom Plante, Zach's dad.
Thing is, Zach isn't a teen. He's 10 years old - one part, a fun-loving fifth-grader who likes to watch the Animal Planet network and play with his dog and pet gecko, the other a soon-to-be middle schooler who wants an iPod.
In some ways, it's simply part of a kid's natural journey toward independence. But child development experts say that physical and behavioral changes that would have been typical of teenagers decades ago are now common among "tweens" - kids ages 8 to 12.
Some of them are going on "dates" and talking on their own cell phones. They listen to sexually charged pop music, play mature-rated video games and spend time gossiping on MySpace. And more girls are wearing makeup and clothing that some consider beyond their years.
Zach is starting to notice it in his friends, too, especially the way they treat their parents.
"A lot of kids can sometimes be annoyed by their parents," he says. "If I'm playing with them at one of their houses, then they kind of ignore their parents. If their parents do them a favor, they might just say, 'OK,' but not notice that much."
The shift that's turning tweens into the new teens is complex - and worrisome to parents and some professionals who deal with children. They wonder if kids are equipped to handle the thorny issues that come with the adolescent world.
"I'm sure this isn't the first time in history people have been talking about it. But I definitely feel like these kids are growing up faster - and I'm not sure it's always a good thing," says Dr. Liz Alderman, an adolescent medicine specialist at Montefiore Medical Center in New York City. She's been in practice for 16 years and has noticed a gradual but undeniable change in attitude in that time.
She and others who study and treat children say the reasons it's happening are both physical and social.
Several published studies have found, for instance, that some tweens' bodies are developing faster, with more girls starting menstruation in elementary school - a result doctors often attribute to improved nutrition and, in some cases, obesity. While boys are still being studied, the findings about girls have caused some endocrinologists to lower the limits of early breast development to first or second grade.
Along with that, even young children are having to deal with peer pressure and other societal influences.
Beyond the drugs, sex and rock'n'roll their boomer and Gen X parents navigated, technology and consumerism have accelerated the pace of life, giving kids easy access to influences that may or may not be parent-approved. Sex, violence and foul language that used to be relegated to late-night viewing and R-rated movies are expected fixtures in everyday TV.
And many tweens model what they see, including common plot lines "where the kids are really running the house, not the dysfunctional parents," says Plante, who in addition to being Zach's dad is a psychology professor at Santa Clara University in California's Silicon Valley.
He sees the results of all these factors in his private practice frequently.
Kids look and dress older. They struggle to process the images of sex, violence and adult humor, even when their parents try to shield them. And sometimes, he says, parents end up encouraging the behavior by failing to set limits - in essence, handing over power to their kids.
"You get this kind of perfect storm of variables that would suggest that, yes, kids are becoming teens at an earlier age," Plante says.
Natalie Wickstrom, a 10-year-old in suburban Atlanta, says girls her age sometimes wear clothes that are "a little inappropriate." She describes how one friend tied her shirt to show her stomach and "liked to dance, like in rap videos."
Girls in her class also talk about not only liking but "having relationships" with boys.
"There's no rules, no limitations to what they can do," says Natalie, who's also in fifth grade.
Her mom, Billie Wickstrom, says the teen-like behavior of her daughter's peers, influences her daughter - as does parents' willingness to allow it.
"Some parents make it hard on those of us who are trying to hold their kids back a bit," she says.
So far, she and her husband have resisted letting Natalie get her ears pierced, something many of her friends have already done. Now Natalie is lobbying hard for a cell phone and also wants an iPod.
"Sometimes I just think that maybe, if I got one of these things, I could talk about what they talk about," Natalie says of the kids she deems the "popular ones."
It's an age-old issue. Kids want to fit in - and younger kids want to be like older kids.
But as the limits have been pushed, experts say the stakes also have gotten higher - with parents and tweens having to deal with very grown-up issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Earlier this year, that point hit home when federal officials recommended a vaccine for HPV - a common STD that can lead to cervical cancer - for girls as young as age 9.
"Physically, they're adults, but cognitively, they're children," says Alderman, the physician in New York. She's found that cultural influences have affected her own children, too.
Earlier this year, her 12-year-old son heard the popular pop song "Promiscuous" and asked her what the word meant.
"I mean, it's OK to have that conversation, but when it's constantly playing, it normalizes it," Alderman says.
She observes that parents sometimes gravitate to one of two ill-advised extremes - they're either horrified by such questions from their kids, or they "revel" in the teen-like behavior. As an example of the latter reaction, she notes how some parents think it's cute when their daughters wear pants or shorts with words such as "hottie" on the back.
"Believe me, I'm a very open-minded person. But it promotes a certain way of thinking about girls and their back sides," Alderman says. "A 12-year-old isn't sexy."
With grown-up influences coming from so many different angles - from peers to the Internet and TV - some parents say the trend is difficult to combat.
Claire Unterseher, a mother in Chicago, says she only allows her children - including an 8-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter - to watch public television.
And yet, already, they're coming home from school asking to download songs she considers more appropriate for teens.
"I think I bought my first Abba single when I was 13 or 14 - and here my 7-year-old wants me to download Kelly Clarkson all the time," Unterseher says. "Why are they so interested in all this adult stuff?"
Part of it, experts say, is marketing - and tweens are much-sought-after consumers.
Advertisers have found that, increasingly, children and teens are influencing the buying decisions in their households - from cars to computers and family vacations. According to 360 Youth, an umbrella organization for various youth marketing groups, tweens represent $51 billion worth of annual spending power on their own from gifts and allowance, and also have a great deal of say about the additional $170 billion spent directly on them each year.
Toymakers also have picked up on tweens' interest in older themes and developed toy lines to meet the demand - from dolls known as Bratz to video games with more violence.
Diane Levin, a professor of human development and early childhood at Wheelock College in Boston, is among those who've taken aim at toys deemed too violent or sexual.
"We've crossed a line. We can no longer avoid it - it's just so in our face," says Levin, author of the upcoming book "So Sexy So Soon: The Sexualization of Childhood."
Earlier this year, she and others from a group known as the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood successfully pressured toy maker Hasbro to drop plans for a line of children's toys modeled after the singing group Pussycat Dolls.
Other parents, including Clyde Otis III, are trying their own methods.
An attorney with a background in music publishing, Otis has compiled a line of CDs called "Music Talking" that includes classic oldies he believes are interesting to tweens, but age appropriate. Artists include Aretha Franklin, Rose Royce and Blessid Union of Souls.
"I don't want to be like a prude. But some of the stuff out there, it's just out of control sometimes," says Otis, a father of three from Maplewood, N.J.
"Beyonce singing about bouncing her butt all over the place is a little much - at least for an 8-year-old."
In the end, many parents find it tricky to strike a balance between setting limits and allowing their kids to be more independent.
Plante, in California, discovered that a few weeks ago when he and Zach rode bikes to school, as the two of them have done since the first day of kindergarten.
"You know, dad, you don't have to bike to school with me anymore," Zach said.
Plante was taken aback.
"It was a poignant moment," he says. "There was this notion of being embarrassed of having parents be too close."
Since then, Zach has been riding by himself - a big step in his dad's mind.
"Of course, it is hard to let go, but we all need to do so in various ways over time," Plante says, "as long as we do it thoughtfully and lovingly, I suppose."
Yeah, my daughter is 13 and she's head and shoulders over where I was at 13. It's sad, in a way.
Does this mean we can kick the kids out of the nest at 13?
I'm glad I'm not a kid today.
Sexually mature at 10; emotionally mature at 28.
You know, this is a shame since people are living longer now. Childhhood is sweet.
Total BS. People don't grow up until age 30 these days. They are more immature than ever before.
Historically, they would have starved to death for their delayed mental growth.
It was a good system, and only modern society has ruined it.
Plastic gives off chemical estrogen. Microwave food is a must have in our new world of immediate gratification. Plastics are everywhere.
I think it's a good thing. We've been slowing down the growing up process too long. It's gotten to the point where even grownups aren't grownups because we're no longer supposed to expect someone in their 20s to act like an adult, and now that 40 is supposed to be the new 20 I guess people in their 30s aren't supposed to act like adults either. And it starts when their kids, the path to an immature 30 year old goes through 10 year old encouraged to not grow up.
It's all the hormones in the milk.....
There's a lot of media attention on this, as it's a reality that has been a problem for a quite a while - if the media is aware of it, then it's been going on for a long time. Kids in my area in Northern California were "dating" when in 3rd grade, and allowed to wear makeup to school.
I find it ironic and sad that while kids are thrust into adulthood through sexual activity and such, older kids and teenagers are seemingly incapable of dealing with much else in their lives, I know a lot of 19-25 year olds that have no clue how to cook, clean, care for themselves, pay bills, save money, and live lives of drama and chaos because they've gotten no eductaion in common sense and the basics of life. Then they go and have children, and the cycle is renewed. It's the blind leading the blind.
The liberal media spends decades worrying and demanding that kids be taught about sex, gay lifestyles, and killing Flipper, yet the kids are thrust into the world with zero survival skills, and any attempts to ask for them to be taught that is answered with scorn and cries of extra work from teachers. I remember being taught how to use a checkbook in 6 or 7th grade (with supplements from our dad), most teens and young adults I know don't know what one is, how to use it, or even know where theirs is.
Things have to change, and media coverage of the problem is heartening, but we have a long way to go, because we have young adults raising kids who were also part of this problem, and those young adults are essentially children, with no life skills.
I have friends in their mid twenties who have experienced just about everything you can imagine, and more, at their young age - drug addiction, alcoholism, suicide, sexual promiscuity and exploration, depravity, emotional turmoil...and if you throw a simple problem at them, they fall to pieces. I spend a lot of time coaching them into learning how to deal with problems, and to gain some skills in dealing with life. It's rough work, but a few I care about enough to try. Right now it's about a 50/50 success rate.
The public schools don't teach maturity or academics, but they do teach (24/7) all there is to know about sex. Heather Has Two Mommies starts in Kindergarten.
A major part. Children and adults alike, who are constantly bombarded with ads, will eventually fall prey. Ads are everywhere now. On web sites, buses, in schools, in movies, etc. It's distressing to me. I can't imagine what it does to small children. I am teaching my son that ads are not good - to ignore them.
"Claire Unterseher, a mother in Chicago, says she only allows her children - including an 8-year-old son and 7-year-old daughter - to watch public television."
How to raise a little commie...
"Some of them are going on "dates" and talking on their own cell phones. They listen to sexually charged pop music, play mature-rated video games and spend time gossiping on MySpace. And more girls are wearing makeup and clothing that some consider beyond their years.
Zach is starting to notice it in his friends, too, especially the way they treat their parents.
"A lot of kids can sometimes be annoyed by their parents," he says. "If I'm playing with them at one of their houses, then they kind of ignore their parents. If their parents do them a favor, they might just say, 'OK,' but not notice that much."
Whose fault is this??? Hormones? No. It's caused by moronic parents who indulge their child's every whim. Children aren't growing up faster. Quite the contrary. At this point they are more emotionally immature at 18 than say during the 1940's. That's what happens when a country becomes fat, comfortable and lazy. A child engaging in precocious behavior because the parents haven't the where-with-all to instruct and discipline is not a sign of early maturity.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HUdqQ3O0bUI
pretty much sums it up....
We homeschool, so we miss out on a lot of this stuff day-to-day. I did, however, hear this song WAY too many times at the community pool with my kids this summer. The radio is a no-no for now in my house, as is most of TV. They stuff that comes on is unbelievable! You can be watching a completely innocent show and then here come the offensive commercials. My oldest kids are almost seven, and we'll keep it at Schoolhouse Rock and Disney classics for as long as we can.
Kids aren't growing up faster; they are being programmed.
They struggle to process the images of sex, violence and adult humor, even when their parents try to shield them. And sometimes, he says, parents end up encouraging the behavior by failing to set limits - in essence, handing over power to their kids.
Keyword: struggle; they are forced to deal with things that goes beyond their mental development.
"Physically, they're adults, but cognitively, they're children," says Alderman, the physician in New York.
Right....and I don't care what NAMBLA's position on the matter is.
As an example of the latter reaction, she notes how some parents think it's cute when their daughters wear pants or shorts with words such as "hottie" on the back.
No comment needed.
"A 12-year-old isn't sexy."
Not to normal people, anyway.
"I don't want to be like a prude. But some of the stuff out there, it's just out of control sometimes," says Otis, a father of three from Maplewood, N.J.
You have nothing to apologize for.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.