Posted on 10/08/2006 5:20:54 PM PDT by GretchenM
We asked Tom and Ray to give us their Top 10 scariest cars. They came through and were even kind enough to tell us for whom exactly the cars are scary.
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Looks like an early Ford Mustang, right? It is, on the outside anyway. The inside, however, is all Ford Falcon, a pedestrian vehicle if ever there was one. So what, you say? Well, drop a Boss V-8 into a Ford Falcon and what do you get? An overpowered car that doesn't have the shocks, brakes or structural rigidity to turn or stop well. In other words ... look out!
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Garish? Sure, but that's not our complaint. This was the height of muscle-cardom. This was when American car manufacturers figured out how to make humongous, powerful engines. Sadly, they hadn't yet figured out how to do handling, so you had an overpowered rear-wheel-drive car with no weight in the rear end. As a result, when there was half a drop of rain on the ground this thing spun around like Dizzy Dan from the Battling Tops. Anything but perfect weather, and it was totally uncontrollable.
Scary for: Firefighters and plastic surgeons
What could possibly be scarier than a car endorsed by both the Shriners' Burn Ward Fundraising Division and the League of Asbestos-Clothing Manufacturers? These cars had an unfortunate tendency to explode when hit from behind, since that's where the gas tank was located. Ford did eventually fix the problem, but the damage was done, so to speak. Being anywhere near a Pinto still gives us visions of Robert Duvall calling in airstrikes in "Apocalypse Now."
Scary for: Drivers
Here's a scary idea: Design a car so the occupants' legs are the very first line of defense in a frontal crash. Then add poor stability. Shaped like a pizza box standing on end, the Microbus blew around on the highway like Calista Flockhart in a wind tunnel. Drivers never had time to worry about these issues, though; they were too busy trying to keep themselves warm in the chilly Bus.
Scary for: Onlookers
Just take a gander at this. No wonder they named it the Thing; it was styled by the same guy who invented the cookie sheet. Thankfully, they rusted quickly enough that few remain to invoke PTSD for former owners.
Scary for: Mechanics
The Monza was designed as an economy car, so it was built to have a four-cylinder engine. Unfortunately, when sales slowed down, some geniuses at Chevy decided that what the Monza needed was a V-8, so they shoehorned one in there. The result? Half the spark plugs are almost impossible to reach; to get at them you need rappelling equipment and an air chisel. Whenever one of these beauties reared its ugly grille in front of the garage, every mechanic with more than six weeks' experience would go running for the men's room and lock the door.
Scary for: Drivers
Rolling over is fine if you've got personal knowledge of Knuckles Goldberg's wrongdoings and you're heading into the witness protection program. Rolling over at 70 miles per hour on asphalt, when you're swerving to avoid an errant chipmunk? Not so good. These cars were cheap, so they were purchased mostly by young drivers — the people most likely to end up hanging from the seat belt with four wheels in the air. Scarier still, the Samurai wasn't that much worse than other SUVs of the era.
Scary for: Drivers
Take a good look at this car. Kind of small, wouldn't you say? Now imagine yourself in a Festiva surrounded by amphetamine-snacking tractor-trailer drivers. Going 75 miles per hour. At night. In the rain. Scared yet? We sure are. We once got in trouble for saying this car came right from the factory with a funeral wreath on the grille.
Scary for: Society, the environment and therapists
When you stop to think about what kind of person would buy a Hummer, you begin to worry about the future of our country. This is a person who feels so inadequate inside that he has to drive around pretending the 82nd Airborne will be backing him up in his next argument over a parking space. On the environmental side, the Hummer burns through resources like there's no tomorrow. And if enough idiots keep driving them, there won't be.
Scary for: Onlookers
Well, now we know where the designers of the Volkswagen Thing went to work after VW canned their sorry butts. Take a good look at this vehicle — it's a tribute to the art of unfortunate compromises. Someone at GM said "take a minivan, whack off a few corners and make something we can call a utility vehicle." The car itself was not bad — rather utilitarian, actually — but it pinned the needle on the visual pollution scale.
Posted on 10/2/06
AMC did one better... I had a 1974
(ish, can't remember exactly) Jeep CJ5 with a 3 speed manual V8.
You ain't drove scary til you dumped the clutch in one of those !
...except mine was blue.
That picture really makes me nostalgic for my Thing. Mine was Pumpkin Orange, so it couldn't have been scary. :-)
28 years, and some fine adventures!
Still, a really cool vehicle, and handy as heck to move stuff with in those pre-SUV days due to the removable middle bench seat.
In highschool, a buddy of mine's family owned a body shop (actually a number of auto dealerships, including a body shop), and as a joke, they took a VW Bus, and cut about 4 feet out of the middle, and welded it back together! It was a hoot to drive, as when you dropped the cluth, you would do a wheelie! I think that the wheelbase was about 6 foot by 6 foot square! It was frightening to drive at more than about 15 mph! Other vehicles that family built included one of the old "round back" honda civics, with a 426 Hemi (it was featured in a hot rod magazine), a "street bike" that started out as a Kawasaki KZ1300, bored and stroked to nearly 1500ccs, with dual turbos, running on alcolhol, and what looked like a standard Corvette Stingray (mid 70s body style) that had a tubular steel frame, and an aluminum Keith Black 650cid big block chevy "mountain motor."
One of the dealerships was a Pontiac dealer, and I saw a brand new 70 1/2 Trans Am, never sold, never titled, up on blocks in their warehouse. This was back in 1982. They had disconnected the electronics, and filled the crankase and cylinders with oil. If they still haven't sold it today, I'd be willing to bet that car's worth a mint!
Mark
"Make this Number 11: The Renault Dauphine" Ironically, #12 would be the Renault 12. I had one.
I had a Renault 16. for about 6 months. It kept blowing its head gasket.
Wow,
I always thought it looked like a butchered up AMX
I had a Pinto! An orange one! Godawful ugly, but I'll say one thing for it- reputation or not- it ran in defiance of all the laws of physics and auto mechanics! I think I had hoses taped up and fabric strips holding some stuff together under the hood. The family car expert took one look under the hood , closed it with a horrified look on his face , and said nothing in it should have worked.
But it did- until the day I gave it to the Salvation army because the dash was literally disintegrating! It was also too low to the ground to drive in New Orleans 'flood for every rainstorm' streets, but that little car was indestructible!
I called it the MF- Millenium Falcon- what a piece of junk, but it kept on going!
I have no idea. I just know that my parents had to get rid of theirs because the sight of it made small children cry.
Do you remember the "Special Edition" version of the Gremlin where the interior was all done up in denim?
Mark
The Sunbeam Alpine was 4 cylinders, the Sunbeam Tiger had a Ford V-8. Originally, it was a 260, later a 289.
Smart drove the Tiger.
Very nice Tiger - yours?
My brother dropped a 351 Cleveland into a Bug Eyed Sprite, he never figured out how to bolt on a starter (just wasn't any room) so we just push started it.
On a wide straight road it would do 0 to "OMG" in about 2 seconds, slowing it down to "Let me out" took a bit longer.
He never killed himself in that car because someone stole it. He did however almost buy the farm while showing off on his Norton 750.
TT
We must have had the Alpine. We were broke. We could fill the tank on a few dollars and it lasted forever.
I learned that at the age of 16, I was not able to ride in an MG Midget with the top up...
Mark
OH- Oh -oh! The Pacer! My favorite car! Honestly, I've always wanted one- still do. Liked everything about them except those weird inside door panels. It was like an aquarium, no blind spots, and very wide, stable ride. Rode in one once- still hoping to find one one of these days!
If only I could afford it...
The parts guy would literally ask questions like: does your head have a 3/16" hole drilled in the boss for the generator mount? If so you probably need a BMC1098-4531-3 part. If not it may be a BMC1098-4564-2. They are the most likely to work. After you try both of those and neither fits, I'll have to order the third version from England. They aren't stocked in the U.S.
Ran sweet when we were finished - but it was an dammed odyssey.
I learned that at the age of 16, I was not able to ride in an MG Midget with the top up...
Mark
That's why they make them to go down. The miget was a SMALL car. Even I thought twice before getting into one.
I had a Gremlin in High School. I loved the Desert Only setting for the ac.
Perhaps if those morons knew how to drive, the '69 TA would not be so "scary".
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