Your fantasizing about the father's possible guilt makes me wonder if you're related to Mark Karr.
With "Old Friends" like you who needs enemies?
You no doubt graduated at the top of the class in "How to Win Friends and Influence People".
I will pray for you to be healed of your obvious inferiority complex. I am happy that I could be of service to you in elevating your self esteem if only for a few minutes.
Unwarranted attacks upon others (in this case me) are not a long term solution however. To feel better about yourself will take a much longer and deeper therapy.
I personally suggest you look to Jesus, who is the only one who can truly take a wicked mind and a darkened heart and bring light and restoration. Then you can feel good about yourself, and actually become an encouragement to others.
God Bless you.