> We were on an international flight - from Switzerland
> back to the U.S. and this Swiss couple had three kids -
> baby and two around 8 and 5; the older kids were
> just holy terrors.
Some realism is needed here. We made an internation flight with our two and three year-olds a while back, and I have to say that the two year-old was a monster. His brother sat quietly, watched videos, looked at books etc, but Ben just screamed and screamed and screamed. And there was nothing I could do about it. I tried everything, but he would not stop.
Now, you can say I'm a bad parent or that he's not raised properly, but the fact is that sometimes as parents you will get into situations where there's no easy way out, and all the platitudes about 'what happened in my day' won't stop the kids from crying. Perhaps the answer is not to have kids on long haul flights, and indeed we've not done it since, but it's hard to think that their grandparents will have to forgoe seeing them on such occasions.
But please let's not pretend that kids will always be good, and that tantrums won't happen. They will, no matter how good a parent you are. And those who won't tolerate them from other people's kids simply don't understand what is involved in parenting.
But surely you'll agree that others have the right to be annoyed by your misbehaving child?
With our two children - now well-behaved adults - we made it clear we did not tolerate misbehaviour and were not afraid to spank them. That doesn't mean they didn't try to test us, in public where they thought they might get away with it. Sometimes you can't just spank them in public. We always dealt with the problem as quietly and firmly as possible - even if we had to physically restrain them.
I think most people if they see an unruly kid in public where the parents are clearly doing everything possible to deal with it (and I don't mean begging and pandering, but being firm) will be sympathetic and understanding. Sure, they won't be happy - you the parent aren't, why should they be? - but they understand. I think what frosts people is the children they see running amok while the parents do nothing, or merely try to bribe them, or worse, think it's cute.
You have no idea how many times I have been out alone with my husband at a store and had a mother in line behind us apologize for her children acting up or making noise. (usually when we've been thinking how cute the kids are too) I have found those apologizing for noise usually have it amplified in their minds, because we will barely notice it.
I don't doubt there are situations that are out of a parent's control. Most, if not all parents/others recognize that when it happens. Apologizing to those around you goes a long way. It's the parents who do nothing, say nothing, when they can, that gripes me.
I think the difference is, if other people see you TRYING to control your child, or if you are just letting them run wild.
I feel sorry for those parents trying and not succeeding, but angry at the "enablers".
They don't call it "Terrible Two" for nothing. Big difference in that age and the two I had. While I can sympathize with your plight, think about all the poor people that were subjected to your child's screaming. I want to offer up a piece of "advice" just in case.
The first flight I ever took in my life was when I was 14 - I experienced pretty bad ear pain and my ears took about a half day to "pop" and I could hear again. My second flight, age 17, was from Cleveland to San Diego. I was in agony - literal agony. If I could've jumped out of that plane, I would have, that is how bad it is. From that point on, I was terrified to fly. Nothing worked - chewing gum, etc. Years later, when I was preparing to go on my honeymoon (to Hawaii!!!!), I was literally shaking in my shoes, but a good friend of mind, an M.D. explained that some people have allergy problems that, in effect, minic the pain one with a cold might feel when flying. He told me to take Sudafed before flying. I can honestly tell you that this has saved my life. I still have some discomfort, but I'm not in the horrible agony. Last year, I flew to Italy and had a terrible cold. I loaded up on cold stuff but it was the worst flight I had since I was 17 (31 years) and I am so grateful to my friend for his wonderful suggestion.
If your child ever exhibits screaming on a flight again, you might want to see if maybe the poor fella has something similar to me. It might've been just a typical two year old going bonkers, but you never know. He might've been in pain.
Anyway, FWIW.