Satire is not lost on you, nosiree. Look, its been fun, but I have to do something comparatively interesting now, like count pixels on my monitor.
I've no idea why you must count pixels on your monitor, simply reference the box in which your monitor was packed.
Your accusation was not satire and cannot be construed as such. You made a direct statement of fact without any physiological evidence confirming that I, at any time during this online exhchange have been under the influence of alcohol.
Decide whether your career is in the penning of satire or the law.