I've no idea why you must count pixels on your monitor, simply reference the box in which your monitor was packed.
Your accusation was not satire and cannot be construed as such. You made a direct statement of fact without any physiological evidence confirming that I, at any time during this online exhchange have been under the influence of alcohol.
Decide whether your career is in the penning of satire or the law.
Queue psycho music: You are trapped in a thread with a man who takes himself way too seriously. Between delusions of grandiosity and sputtering insults, he believes you care what he thinks. You've just entered (Da Dum Dum) the Hilltop Zone.
See ya', uh, or maybe not.