I don't view parenting as architecture - you don't "mold" a child as an expression of your own will. It's more like agriculture - you till the soil and provide water and keep the weeds away - but in the end it (the plant and the child) is going to grow where it's going to grow in its own fashion. I know I'm screwing up the analogy, but hopefully you get the idea.
Obedience and manners aren't optional. You must be younger than me. I'm 56. It was very different to be a child in the 50's.