Posted on 07/22/2006 6:03:00 PM PDT by NYer
PISCATAWAY, New Jersey, JULY 22, 2006 (Zenit.org).- Life without children is a growing social reality for an increasing number of American adults.
This is the conclusion of the 2006 edition of "The State of Our Unions" report on marriage, released last week by the National Marriage Project. The project is based at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.
Up until recently, for most people, the greater part of adult life was spent with young children forming part of the household. A combination of marrying later, less children and longer life expectancy means, however, that a significantly greater part of adult life is spent without kids being in the house.
The report, titled "Life Without Children," was authored by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe. They start by noting how many recent publications complain of the difficulties in raising children. Many surveys also show that parents report lower levels of happiness compared to non-parents. In fact, an increasing number of married couples now see children as an obstacle to their marital happiness.
This isn't to say that children are rejected by the majority of couples. Nevertheless, there is a growing feeling of trepidation about taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. Of course, bringing up kids has never been easy, but there are good reasons why a growing number of parents are feeling increased pressures, the report explains.
A weakening of marriage bonds contributes to the difficulties of having children. Cohabiting women, the report explains, may postpone childbearing until they have a better sense of the long-term future of the relationship. If they wait too long, however, this places them at risk for never having children. Being in an unhappy marriage is another source of uncertainty. Couples who are worried about getting divorced are the most likely to remain childless.
Changing families
Citing Census Bureau reports, Whitehead and Popenoe lay out just how much family structures have changed.
-- In 1970 the median age of first marriage for women was just under 21years-old. The age of first marriage has now risen to just short of 26. Women who have a four-year college degree marry at an even later age.
-- In 1970, 73.6% of women, ages 25-29, had already entered their child-rearing years and were living with at least one minor child of their own. By 2000, this share dropped to 48.7%. For men in the same age bracket in 1970, 57.3% lived with their own children in the household. In 2000 this had plummeted to 28.8%.
-- In 1960, 71% of married women had their first child within the first 3 years of marriage. By 1990, this almost halved, to 37%. So after getting married, couples now experience a greater number of child-free years.
-- In 1970, 27.4% of women and 39.5% of men, ages 50-54, had at least one minor child of their own in the household. By 2000, the shares had fallen to 15.4% and 24.7%, respectively.
-- In addition, a growing number of women are not having any children. In 2004, almost one out of five women in their early forties was childless. In 1976, it was only one out of ten.
-- The proportion of households with children has declined from half of all households in 1960 to less than one-third today -- the lowest in America's history.
In general, then, a few decades ago life before children was brief, with little time between the end of schooling and the beginning of marriage and family life. Life after children was also reduced, with few years left before the end of work and the beginning of old age.
Less fun
Contemporary culture has quickly reflected the changes in family life, the report observes. It is increasingly common to find the years spent raising children portrayed as being less satisfying compared to the years before and after.
Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.
In general, life without children is characterized by a focus on the self. "Indeed, the cultural injunction for the childless young and the child-free old is to 'take care of yourself,'" the report comments.
The years spent bringing up children is just the opposite. Being a parent means focusing on those who are dependent and subordinating adult needs to the requirements of the children.
By way of compensation traditional culture normally celebrated the work and sacrifice of parents, but this has now changed. Increasingly, the popular image of parents is a negative one. The new stereotypes range from the hyper-competitive sports parents who scream at their own kids, to those who ignore the problems their undisciplined children cause for others in public places.
The latest variant are the so-called "helicopter parents," who get their name from the way they supposedly hover over their children and swoop down to rescue them from any negative consequences of their behavior.
Television programs have long made fun of fathers, notes the report. More recently mothers are also being shown as unfit, unable to carry out their responsibilities without the help of a nanny, or as being over-indulgent and negligent.
By contrast a number of the most popular television shows in America in recent years, such as "Friends" and "Sex and the City," celebrated the glamorous life of young urban singles.
Bias against children
What does this portend for the future, the report asks. For a start, less political support for families. In the last presidential election, parents made up slightly less than 40% of the electorate. Less votes translates into less support for funding of schools and youth activities. Already a number of communities across the nation are trying to hold down property taxes by restricting the construction of affordable single family housing.
In cultural terms the bias against children is likely to grow. Entertainment and pastimes for adults -- gambling, pornography and sex -- is one of the fastest growing and most lucrative, and exciting, sectors of the economy.
By contrast, being a devoted parent is increasingly subject to a ruthless debunking, the report notes. In fact, the task of being a mother is now seen by a growing number as being unworthy of an educated women's time and talents. So the more staid values supportive of raising children -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- will receive less attention.
"It is hard enough to rear children in a society that is organized to support that essential social task," the report observes. "Consider how much more difficult it becomes when a society is indifferent at best, and hostile, at worst, to those who are caring for the next generation," it concludes.
The family, "founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman," is where men and women "are enabled to be born with dignity, and to grow and develop in an integral manner," explained the Pope in his homily concluding the World Meeting of Families in Valencia, Spain, on July 9.
"The joyful love with which our parents welcomed us and accompanied our first steps in this world is like a sacramental sign and prolongation of the benevolent love of God from which we have come," he noted.
This experience of being welcomed and loved by God and by our parents, explained Benedict XVI, "is always the firm foundation for authentic human growth and authentic development, helping us to mature on the way towards truth and love, and to move beyond ourselves in order to enter into communion with others and with God." A foundation that is increasingly being undermined in today's society.
Yes. They are broken families, but they will still be around when the present generation is dead. Your marriage, happy as it is, won't.
Then I will happily take what I have over the "broken" variety. :)
I was a miracle....my mom was 42 when she had me.
Good thinking. I had not really thought about that since I was born when my mom was 42.
But, that is exceedingly rare, and I recall my gf's mother had early menopause.
I better not wait until 35, just in case.
Certainly true. It would be a joy.
So would I. Good marriages and good families are both created when all parties care for the welfare of the others above their own. Both are blessings, just different.
Is THAT what she told you it was.....? ;-D
You are a family:')
lol!
My homeschooling family is part of this trend
Now we just import adults from Mexico. Saves the trouble of raising them ourselves.
BTW it sounds doubtful that only 40% of the electorate were parents.
In response to this, they most certainly can. People can disown their children, siblings, etc.
I maintain that you are wrong, that my wife and I are family, and I am going to leave it at that without any monkey business such as equivocating you and your wife homosexuals. Good day.
In turn, I would like neighbors such as you and your family. I live in a very, very rural area of 23 acres with very few people around. But this is what my wife and I sought out when we chose our retirement spot. We bought the land way back in 1972 (at a low, low price) and just hung on to it, and when it came time to retire, we had a house built on it.
I wasn't going to reply to this thread, because it was several days old(thanks NYer for the ping! Been on the live ME threads), but I wanted to respond to this. It is entirely possible that this woman had undiagnosed Alzheimer's and/or dementia. Something similar happened to my mother, and it was a nightmare getting anyone to do anything to protect her. Her "good friends" swapped out a hardly used vacuum cleaner for a broken down piece of crap, and the same with her coffee maker. The one that worked, was removed and replaced with a broken one. I have a laundry list of missing appliances. That's just the piddly crap. We then get to the unecessary home repairs, ordered by her "good friends", who just happened to "know someone". About 13,000 bucks worth. I went to the local police (I HATE them), and was told that since there was no official diagnosis, there was no crime. Mom was calling the police constantly, complaining that people were living in her attic and garage. HELLO???!!!
I'm an only child. My parents were old enough to be grandparents when I popped up. No one deserves to be treated like that. I couldn't clean up the mess thanks to the government that cares so deeply for all it's citizens. /sarc
I was appalled to read about the unforgiveable things that were done to your mother. I hope that there is a special place in Hell for people who do something to a helpless person such as her. May God Bless Her. OP
I understand where you are coming from on this.
Not to mention that fornication with many sex partners seems to be a true factor to the increasing trend of decreased fertility.
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