Posted on 07/22/2006 6:03:00 PM PDT by NYer
PISCATAWAY, New Jersey, JULY 22, 2006 (Zenit.org).- Life without children is a growing social reality for an increasing number of American adults.
This is the conclusion of the 2006 edition of "The State of Our Unions" report on marriage, released last week by the National Marriage Project. The project is based at Rutgers, the State University of New Jersey.
Up until recently, for most people, the greater part of adult life was spent with young children forming part of the household. A combination of marrying later, less children and longer life expectancy means, however, that a significantly greater part of adult life is spent without kids being in the house.
The report, titled "Life Without Children," was authored by Barbara Dafoe Whitehead and David Popenoe. They start by noting how many recent publications complain of the difficulties in raising children. Many surveys also show that parents report lower levels of happiness compared to non-parents. In fact, an increasing number of married couples now see children as an obstacle to their marital happiness.
This isn't to say that children are rejected by the majority of couples. Nevertheless, there is a growing feeling of trepidation about taking on the responsibilities of parenthood. Of course, bringing up kids has never been easy, but there are good reasons why a growing number of parents are feeling increased pressures, the report explains.
A weakening of marriage bonds contributes to the difficulties of having children. Cohabiting women, the report explains, may postpone childbearing until they have a better sense of the long-term future of the relationship. If they wait too long, however, this places them at risk for never having children. Being in an unhappy marriage is another source of uncertainty. Couples who are worried about getting divorced are the most likely to remain childless.
Changing families
Citing Census Bureau reports, Whitehead and Popenoe lay out just how much family structures have changed.
-- In 1970 the median age of first marriage for women was just under 21years-old. The age of first marriage has now risen to just short of 26. Women who have a four-year college degree marry at an even later age.
-- In 1970, 73.6% of women, ages 25-29, had already entered their child-rearing years and were living with at least one minor child of their own. By 2000, this share dropped to 48.7%. For men in the same age bracket in 1970, 57.3% lived with their own children in the household. In 2000 this had plummeted to 28.8%.
-- In 1960, 71% of married women had their first child within the first 3 years of marriage. By 1990, this almost halved, to 37%. So after getting married, couples now experience a greater number of child-free years.
-- In 1970, 27.4% of women and 39.5% of men, ages 50-54, had at least one minor child of their own in the household. By 2000, the shares had fallen to 15.4% and 24.7%, respectively.
-- In addition, a growing number of women are not having any children. In 2004, almost one out of five women in their early forties was childless. In 1976, it was only one out of ten.
-- The proportion of households with children has declined from half of all households in 1960 to less than one-third today -- the lowest in America's history.
In general, then, a few decades ago life before children was brief, with little time between the end of schooling and the beginning of marriage and family life. Life after children was also reduced, with few years left before the end of work and the beginning of old age.
Less fun
Contemporary culture has quickly reflected the changes in family life, the report observes. It is increasingly common to find the years spent raising children portrayed as being less satisfying compared to the years before and after.
Adult life without children is depicted as having positive meaning and purpose, and as being full of fun and freedom. Life with children, by contrast, is seen as full of pressures and responsibilities.
In general, life without children is characterized by a focus on the self. "Indeed, the cultural injunction for the childless young and the child-free old is to 'take care of yourself,'" the report comments.
The years spent bringing up children is just the opposite. Being a parent means focusing on those who are dependent and subordinating adult needs to the requirements of the children.
By way of compensation traditional culture normally celebrated the work and sacrifice of parents, but this has now changed. Increasingly, the popular image of parents is a negative one. The new stereotypes range from the hyper-competitive sports parents who scream at their own kids, to those who ignore the problems their undisciplined children cause for others in public places.
The latest variant are the so-called "helicopter parents," who get their name from the way they supposedly hover over their children and swoop down to rescue them from any negative consequences of their behavior.
Television programs have long made fun of fathers, notes the report. More recently mothers are also being shown as unfit, unable to carry out their responsibilities without the help of a nanny, or as being over-indulgent and negligent.
By contrast a number of the most popular television shows in America in recent years, such as "Friends" and "Sex and the City," celebrated the glamorous life of young urban singles.
Bias against children
What does this portend for the future, the report asks. For a start, less political support for families. In the last presidential election, parents made up slightly less than 40% of the electorate. Less votes translates into less support for funding of schools and youth activities. Already a number of communities across the nation are trying to hold down property taxes by restricting the construction of affordable single family housing.
In cultural terms the bias against children is likely to grow. Entertainment and pastimes for adults -- gambling, pornography and sex -- is one of the fastest growing and most lucrative, and exciting, sectors of the economy.
By contrast, being a devoted parent is increasingly subject to a ruthless debunking, the report notes. In fact, the task of being a mother is now seen by a growing number as being unworthy of an educated women's time and talents. So the more staid values supportive of raising children -- sacrifice, stability, dependability, maturity -- will receive less attention.
"It is hard enough to rear children in a society that is organized to support that essential social task," the report observes. "Consider how much more difficult it becomes when a society is indifferent at best, and hostile, at worst, to those who are caring for the next generation," it concludes.
The family, "founded on indissoluble marriage between a man and a woman," is where men and women "are enabled to be born with dignity, and to grow and develop in an integral manner," explained the Pope in his homily concluding the World Meeting of Families in Valencia, Spain, on July 9.
"The joyful love with which our parents welcomed us and accompanied our first steps in this world is like a sacramental sign and prolongation of the benevolent love of God from which we have come," he noted.
This experience of being welcomed and loved by God and by our parents, explained Benedict XVI, "is always the firm foundation for authentic human growth and authentic development, helping us to mature on the way towards truth and love, and to move beyond ourselves in order to enter into communion with others and with God." A foundation that is increasingly being undermined in today's society.
Yup - and I can hardly wait to hear the liberals/Democrats spin it when the have to change their position on abortion or go extinct. It is going to be a beautiful thing if and when it happens.
I know you said it in jest, but your post really hurt my heart.
I know you said it in jest, but your post really hurt my heart
I apologize. Really. It was intended as dark humor and to match the offensiveness of intruding on personal issues.
p.s.
Earnest Hemingway once won a bet that he couldn't write a story in six words. It's more heartbreaking than my jest.
And yes a parent will be remembered for your child's lifetime. Whether the rememberance is good or bad is up to the parent.
That thing about being remembered was very important in the ancient Greek culture.
And Chinese culture...And Japanese culture...and...
No one said that was why the children were conceived. But the reality is the children in small families often WANT to help their parents, but there are fewer siblings to divide the labor so it makes it harder for the children who WANT to do it.
That is all.
Thank you. I know you as a fine poster.
This is a common discourse. and has been through thousands of years of human history.
Er, why the hell should you not be rude to them, given that they were extremely rude to you?
Common questions - that have been common questions across cultures and throughout time are not extreme anything.
Civility, like peace, can only be preserved if aggression is met with a firm and devastating response.
Prickling with offense at a manufactured slight does not meet the definition of civility.
God forunately provides even in this situation. Many women in their mid-30s have an uncontrolable urge to bear children and many men of the same age have an uncontrolable urge to make the first down payment in that process without realizing they can be on the hook for much much more.
True, you wind up with a family structure similar to many poor black neighborhoods but, at least, producing the next generation goes on.
I know you as a fine poster.
Sshhh, you'll ruin my reputation.
In a sense, I agree. Parents probably no longer believe that the schools and the government are on their side when it comes to raising children and that discipling children, particularly in public, is now going to mean some case worker is going to stick their nose in your private business.
No wonder the libs hate Wal-Mart! I didn't know they had pregnant women on sale! ;-P
See? Your second wife probably read that and all your problems started afterwards.
Kids too:')
yall have to see these American kids. Duck though lol
What did you post? :')
Mr. Millworks apparently got the boot but before he did, he posted at least two messages. The first he said women were crazy and then described his first ex-wife and his second ex-wife whom, he claimed, became a lesbo.
In his second post (#28), he posted a long missive that looked like a reprint of some Better Housekeeping article from the 1950s on how housewives should treat their husbands, with the advice to "be a little gay". I was joking about the irony, given his comments about his second wife.
I wondered if one of the female mods was offended and banned him for that or if it was something else that ran afoul of the law. The reprint was a little hard for today's liberated woman to stomach but there wasn't anything in it that was obscene or hurtful. It was a reflection of the way women back then were encouraged to treat their husbands.
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