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The world's funniest joke was written by Spike Milligan
The Daily Telegraph (UK) ^
| June 9, 2006
| By Roger Highfield, Science Editor
Posted on 06/12/2006 9:27:43 AM PDT by aculeus
click here to read article
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To: Hildy
Even though its hilarious, the firstone still makes me cringe a little. I got fired from a job 6 years ago for sending that to a former friend who had been promoted to management.
To: Slings and Arrows
i love that picture. Did anybody ever find the commercial video available anywhere on the internet?
To: LonePalm
LOL!
Hu-hu-hu-hunch back? I thought that was your a$$. Everything else is so high around here.
Thank you. I'll be here all week.
84
posted on
06/12/2006 10:13:40 AM PDT
by
TankerKC
(¿José puede usted ver?)
To: paul51
A farmer and his wife were riding in a horse-drawn carriage pulled by a particularly bad-tempered horse. A while after departing, the horse stopped in its tracks, threw up its head, and whinnied and snorted loudly.
The farmer said, "That's one." He then cracked the reins and the horse continued on. Some time later, the horse stopped again and began to whinny and snort.
The farmer said, "That's two." He then cracked the reins and the horse continued on. A while later, the horse stopped again, whinnying and snorting just as before.
The farmer immediately hopped off of his seat, grabbed his shotgun, and shot the horse dead. Then he climbed back into the seat next to his wife.
The wife looked at the farmer in horror and said "Why did you shoot the horse? Why would you do that? How are we going to get home now? I can't believe you would do such a thing! What is the matter with you?"
The farmer looked at his wife and said, "That's one."
85
posted on
06/12/2006 10:13:58 AM PDT
by
fr_freak
To: Red Badger
that's not a joke.. its a myth.
86
posted on
06/12/2006 10:13:58 AM PDT
by
absolootezer0
("My God, why have you forsaken us.. no wait, its the liberals that have forsaken you... my bad")
To: aculeus
This is the funniest, clean one I know:
A baby is born into a Mafia family and it's time for the "Godfather" to present the baby. However, the baby was born without any ears, and everyone is warned not to make any mention of this to the Godfather. Positive comments only.
As the Godfather stands at the front of the room with the baby, the first nervous well-wisher approaches...
"Godfather, what a good looking baby boy... he gonna grow up to be an actor like Al Pacino."
"Thank you, thank you," says the Godfather.
The next well-wisher approaches...
"Godfather, what a big, healthy baby boy. He's gonna grow up to be an athlete like Joe DiMaggio," he says cautiously.
Thank you, thank you," says the Godfather.
The third man approaches. He looks at the baby. Does a double take and stares at the baby. The crowd in the room gets quiet. Then the man looks at the Godfather and says...
"Godfather, what's wrong with his eyes?"
The Godfather looks confused and says "His eyes? Nothing, why?"
The man expresses relief and says, "Woowh. That's good. 'Cause he ain't gonna be able to wear glasses."
87
posted on
06/12/2006 10:14:11 AM PDT
by
dmzTahoe
To: SamAdams_Lite
I told that joke at the family Thanksgiving gathering back in 2004, and my sister, completely serious, asked, "Well, was he sad?"
88
posted on
06/12/2006 10:14:20 AM PDT
by
Xenalyte
(The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.)
To: aculeus
To: aculeus
Woman offers cigarette to Leslie Nielson: "Cigarette?"
Leslie Nielson: "Yes it is."
That could be the "shortest" funniest joke in history.
90
posted on
06/12/2006 10:14:51 AM PDT
by
SamAdams76
(I think Randy Travis must be paying his bills on home computer by now)
To: TankerKC
"Thank you. I'll be here all week."
Why?
91
posted on
06/12/2006 10:15:12 AM PDT
by
sofaman
("The Argument from Intimidation is a confession of intellectual impotence." Ayn Rand)
To: aculeus
Michael Bentine was great on his own show, used to have animated models of the scenes on willow china etc, kamikaze beetles...
92
posted on
06/12/2006 10:15:29 AM PDT
by
1066AD
To: new cruelty
"Cat Scan, Lab Report. That one always makes me giggle." Just told it to a coworker, was doing a fine job too until I got to the punchline, BTW is their suck a thing as a Labscam?
93
posted on
06/12/2006 10:15:37 AM PDT
by
#1CTYankee
(That's right, I have no proof. So what of it??)
To: new cruelty
A guy goes to the doctor and says "doc you gotta help me, my penis is orange."
Doc says, "that's impossible"
So the guy pulls it out and sure enough, it's orange.
The doc says, "there's no medical explanation for that, tell me what do you do for hobbies, how do you spend your free time"?
The guy says; "Oh, not much, I just sit around watching porn movies and eating corn curls."
94
posted on
06/12/2006 10:16:00 AM PDT
by
Graybeard58
(Remember and pray for Sgt. Matt Maupin - MIA/POW- Iraq since 04/09/04)
To: aculeus
A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk
my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you've never
had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat.
You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else."
The boy stared wide eyed and said, "Yes."
The father continued, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal. It's called golf."
95
posted on
06/12/2006 10:16:17 AM PDT
by
jimmango
To: cowtowney
As a vet, I hear these jokes all of the time. Here's my favorite:
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no penis? Still no f@#$!ng eye deer.
To: aculeus
Why did G-d give women legs?
Freepmail only. ;-)
97
posted on
06/12/2006 10:16:42 AM PDT
by
Tunehead54
(Nothing funny here ;-)
To: OldEagle
Snovel . . . that's my new favorite word! And thank goodness it's gardening season so I can use it often. ;)
98
posted on
06/12/2006 10:17:02 AM PDT
by
Xenalyte
(The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.)
To: Red Badger
"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar............"
Way funnier than the one in the article. LOL
99
posted on
06/12/2006 10:17:21 AM PDT
by
varyouga
(I no longer fear death. I only fear the day when the DUmmies take over.)
To: Graybeard58
lol... and ick at the same time.
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