I have seen this phenomenon illustrated very clearly in my old church. It is up to the pastor to establish unambiguous boundaries and expectations on the part of the congregation with respect to his wife. Typically, she is NOT part of a "package," and is entitled to her own private life and relationship with her husband.
"Typically, she is NOT part of a "package," and is entitled to her own private life and relationship with her husband."
Yeah, right. Just watch what happens when the spouse (no longer just wives, ya know) decides to attend another church. God forbid that they'd have a different religion!
For decades churches got "2 for 1" - the pastor's wife baked cookies, played piano, taught Sundah School, etc etc. It's a hard stereotype to break.
What is definitely breaking that stereotype is that the pastor's spouse usually makes significantly more money than the pastor, and therefore is the dominant career.
I'm thinking a couple churches back. The Pastor's wife was not involved with the congregation except for socially. She left no doubt that she had boundaries.