Posted on 04/01/2006 6:40:33 PM PST by twippo
SELMER, Tenn. - Mary Winkler was the quiet, unassuming wife of a small-town, by-the-Bible preacher, seemingly devoted to church and family. But now her husband, Matthew, is dead and she is charged with shooting him in the back with a shotgun.
Authorities won't discuss a motive, and church members say they didn't see any indication she was unhappy. But experts say preachers' wives often struggle with depression and isolation, expected to be exemplars of Christian virtue while bearing unique pressures on their private and public lives.
Gayle Haggard, author of "A Life Embraced: A Hopeful Guide for the Pastor's Wife," said ministers' wives can feel isolated because of a misconception about leadership, since they and their husbands are leaders of their congregations.
They can feel trapped, she said, by unrealistic expectations "to live a certain way, to dress a certain way, for their children to behave a certain way."
And ministers' wives often find themselves handling more jobs than they expected to take on, said Becky Hunter, current president of the Global Pastors Wives Network.
"You're not really hired, and yet there is some expectation in most church settings that the pastor's wife comes along in a package deal," Hunter said.
Too often, ministers and their wives are reluctant to seek emotional help from members of their congregations because they're looked up to as leaders, said Lois Evans, a former president of the Global Pastors Wives Network. They can become isolated, lonely and depressed.
"This family needed help," said Evans. "It seems like there was no place to turn to and no place to talk and it became an explosive situation."
Matthew Winkler, 31, was found dead in a bedroom at the couple's parsonage Wednesday night in Selmer, a town of 4,400 people about 80 miles east of Memphis. Mary Winkler, 32, and her three young daughters were found Thursday night leaving a restaurant in Orange Beach, Ala., about 340 miles from Selmer. Orange Beach Police Chief Billy Wilkins said she had rented a condo on the beach after the slaying.
She was charged with first-degree murder and ordered held without bail. Tennessee Bureau of Investigation agent John Mehr said authorities know the motive for the killing, but he would not disclose it.
Mary Winkler was working part-time as a substitute teacher and taking college courses to get a teaching certificate as well as raising her three children and serving the congregation as its preacher's wife.
"You know she was weighted down," said Jimmie Smith, a member of Matthew Winkler's Fourth Street Church of Christ congregation and a retired psychiatric nurse.
Defense lawyer Steve Farese refused to talk about the Winklers' private life or if they had personal troubles.
"I can't discuss anything she's told me," Farese said. "But I think you have to look at the entire picture. You can't look at the end of a story and determine what the beginning and middle were."
Romans 4:9 ¶Cometh this blessedness then upon the circumcision only, or upon the uncircumcision also? for we say that faith was reckoned to Abraham for righteousness.
Romans 4:16 Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,
Galatians 3:6 ¶Even as Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.
My understanding is that he said this after he died, was resurrected and before he ascended to Heaven.
well, FC, I never said that, and you know it. You should really be ashamed of yourself.
I believe that Christians are more likely to marry. For those who live together, there's no statistic if they break up.
Romans 4:16 Therefore it is of faith, that it might be by grace; to the end the promise might be sure to all the seed; not to that only which is of the law, but to that also which is of the faith of Abraham; who is the father of us all,
Galatians 3:6 ¶Even as Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.
Correct FC, I couldn't agree more. Problem is...Abraham lived under a different law and a different dispensation. My salvation is under the Law of Christ Jesus my Lord.
I still think there is a lot more to this story....time will tell.
I'm thinking a couple churches back. The Pastor's wife was not involved with the congregation except for socially. She left no doubt that she had boundaries.
I am not a preacher's kid, but definately can see how it would be strained.. an minister/pastor/priest must be there for his congregation.. and that means he must be there virtually 24/7 if he has a reasonably sized congregation.. which means the wife and children are likely to get very little.. and what they do get are the scraps... and probably not usually situations where dad's in the best of moods...
I mean who can be when they live their life trying to help others with troubles 24/7??
I think it's tough for clergy and their spouses to find good peer relationships in a congregation. The pastor's wife is expected to be like Caesar's wife.
Pastors don't talk... makes you a larger target. Discression is a big component.. that and forbidden fruit.
I've seen this. Situations like this call for tact and discretion, along with a healthy dose of prayerful contemplation on the part of the church board. Many times they aren't up to it.
But we are even told to be baptised after Jesus' death.
Full Court - I wonder if possibly the Baptists interpret our stance on baptism as saying that the death of Jesus was not sufficient to save us - that it just was not good enough.
But that is not at all the case.
None of us could be saved if not for Jesus - we would be under the rule of law like the Old Testament and one sin could condemn us as we are never perfect enough. We would be giving animal sacrifice after animal sacrifice to buy atonement.
But all through the Bible God gave man instructions on what he wanted and many times the instructions were things that could not possibly bring about the major objective but the instruction being followed as God told them to do, accomplished the task.
An example - the walls of Jericho.
God advised Joshua he had given Jericho into his hands.
Now - he said He had given Jericho to Joshua. Nothing else should be needed - right? But, He told Joshua to march around the city once with all men. Do this for six days. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times with the priests blowing the trumpets. Then the walls will collapse.
Now - we all know marching around a city seven times with trumpets will not make walls come tumbling down. But following the instructions of God made those walls come down.
We don't know "why" God expected it to be done that way - but He did and Jericho was delivered as stated to Joshua.
All of us are trying to serve Jesus. We should be able to discuss and investigate differences without condemning each other or disparaging each other. Otherwise, automatic war lines are formed and people will defend their belief no matter what.
And, if we discuss differences - both of us learn to understand each other better and learn more.
I'm leaning toward mental illness. I would guess (which I freely admit I'm doing) that she was beyond her ability to cope with her life but did not consider divorce an option. At some point people snap.
Not 100% true... Catholic Priests who come up in the Eastern Rites can indeed marry.. and Priests who convert from other religions to Catholicism after marriage are allowed to remain married.
The issue with Catholic Priests is that the no marriage issue was not purely a sex issue, though that is certainly how it is thought of today. There was a time when priests yielded great power, and were also allowed to marry and have children.... Well needless to say, when you yield power, and have kids and a wife... threats against them can influence you..... and did happen. There is also the issue of divided priorities.... it is generally not fair to the congregation nor the family to be in that situation. A Catholic Priest does get contracts with various churches for lengths of time, but its at the order of their superiors and the needs of the church... their vow of obedience doesn't allow them to say "No, my kids are in school I don't want to move".... Unlike Ministers or pastors who can be hired or fired or change "jobs".. Catholic Priesthood is completely different.
Careful with statements like that, my FRiend. You're just begging for someone to bring up pedophile priests and turn your argument back on you.
In the case of the parsonage, this is literally true.
Many church boards are nothing more than cliques who aren't truly up to the day to day operational issues of the church, much less emotional well being of their congregation. IMHO
Why is it you want us to judge other people? God can and will do what God chooses to do as He has said in the Bible. He is not held to the instructions He gives us - He made those instructions. So, I am not going to attempt to limit God.
God can save the man in the desert if He wishes, He can change His mind any time He wants.
But, that does not change what He told us to do to get salvation. I feel that we just need to leave the extreme cases in God's hand for His dispensation and go about the business of trying to follow what He tells us to do.
So, are you saying the Bible is nothing? Just a book?
There's the option of allowing priests to marry, but require that their children be grown.
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