Isn't legalistic the same as work oriented? There were rules to follow and if you didn't follow them to a tee, I was told, "well, you will go to hell". It has only been in the last few years I have learned what "grace" is...and still struggle with the whole idea of it. I'm still trying to be the perfect Christian based on works so God isn't mad at me.
The only "rules" that anyone has to follow are those set forth by God. It sounds like you had a very bad experience with the church of Christ, and for that I am sorry.
Are Christians expected to live a faithful life? Absolutely, but no one is perfect, and no one is expected to be. All that is expected is to strive to live as much like Christ as you can, and when you do fall short, and we all do, you have to confess those sins and ask God to forgive. I don't understand what is so hard to understand about that.