Posted on 01/15/2006 4:55:00 AM PST by Excuse_My_Bellicosity
She mops up spilled juice with your favorite T-shirt, and then she makes you go shopping in the pouring rain. Let's face it, she's the wife from hell--but you still love her.
Sound familiar?
It should. This "mean wife, happy marriage" scenario has become a fad. When one man in a similar relationship began writing a blog about his experiences with his nasty wife, his account struck such a chord with readers that it's now been turned into a book and a TV drama series. He and his wife, it seems, are far from the only ones whose relationship thrives on the wife's selfishness--as 34-year-old Mina would no doubt agree.
Mina (not her real name) does Internet-related work at home and has been married to her 42-year-old husband for 12 years. "Why don't you ever wave goodbye to me anymore? Why don't we ever talk anymore?" she asked him one day.
"Actually, I'm the one who stopped waving goodbye," she admits with a laugh. And the reason they've stopped talking is because Mina's become deeply involved with her daughter's extracurricular activities.
But Mina was the one who began feeling angry. To let out her frustrations she began to use her hubby as a metaphorical punching bag. "When I take it out on my husband, I feel much better and forget what I got so wound up about," she says.
As Mina became busier, the house got messy and she cut down on the time she spent cooking. But her husband never complains. "He knows I would just tell him off if he did," she says.
After patiently letting Mina get things off her chest, the husband once said: "Pretend you've been tricked into cleaning the house. You'll calm down a bit." She did. When she cleaned the house and saw how nice it looked, her frustrations went away.
"He actually analyzes me very objectively," Mina says.
For all her flaws, the two behave like a couple in love. On weekends, they shop together or watch their son's baseball games. On birthdays, they buy each other presents.
Masanori (not his real name) is another man happy with his wife, even though he says his friends think she's mean. The 34-year-old Tokyo-based designer has been married for three years. When he told his 32-year-old wife, who works with him, that he wanted to buy a new computer for work, she insisted they buy a refrigerator at a later date and they ended up saving money for that instead.
His wife has a mug that cost 3,000 yen. Masanori's cost 1,000 yen. "Mine is more expensive," she brags. But her husband has no problem with her attitude. "I get really angry when it comes to work matters, but at home, things don't really bother me," he says.
In fact, the wife is very protective of her slim, quiet husband. "If someone picks a fight with you, just keep your distance," she often says. "If something happens to you, I'll go fight your battles."
Masanori is more than willing to do as she says. "My wife is a very determined woman," he says. "I have no complaints."
The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife) and was started four years ago by a 33-year-old company employee from Fukuoka who calls himself "Kazuma."
Readers don't need to look far to find examples of the kind of behavior that inspired him. "When I had a cold, she made me sleep under the kotatsu (heated table) because she didn't want to catch my cold," he writes of his 33-year-old wife. "When I came home soaking wet, she made me strip naked by the front door because she didn't want me to get the floor wet."
These online entries received so many hits and attracted so much attention that the contents were published in a book last July. The blog was also made into a TV sitcom with the same title last fall.
"Times have really changed, I think, for this kind of relationship to be featured in a drama series," says Kazuma. "If men in similar situations feel better thinking that at least they're better off than me, I'm happy with that."
People often wonder why he doesn't just break up with this "devil" woman. "I would much rather see my wife happy than make her angry and create a hostile environment," he says.
While the drama series was aired from October to December, its official Web site often received e-mail from people in similar situations.
"I'm a devil wife myself," writes a woman in her 20s. "I say whatever I want to my kind husband and live a happy life. Of course, we are totally in love."
"I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry," runs a message from a man in his 30s. "(My wife) was kind to me before we got married, but now she is quite the devil."
"My mother acts like the female lead," writes a teenage girl. "She forces my father to exchange her favorite ramen ingredients with his, and takes his money and blows 80,000 yen in one shopping spree."
Nonfiction writer Yuki Ishikawa expects the number of tyrannical women to increase. "There are more and more wives who brag about giving their husbands instant food instead of home-cooked meals, justifying their actions as giving their husbands what the husbands want," she says. "I feel like devil wives are innocent in a way, but immature. In the past, there were more women who wanted their husbands to give them attention. But now, many women look for husbands who let them get away with doing little around the house, getting together with friends or going for beauty treatments. I think this change in mindset will increase in the future."
Freelance writer Chihiro Fujiwara, 38, interviewed almost 100 self-described selfish wives and their husbands, and published a book on her findings in early November through Ameba Books Ltd.
When a friend of hers who was making an effort to be a good wife was suddenly served with divorce papers, Fujiwara wondered why that happened at a time when selfish wives were doing whatever they wanted and yet were loved and happy.
As she began interviewing people, she noticed a pattern. "There are no hard feelings because the women immediately tell their husbands whatever is bothering them," she says. "And when their wives demand money from their husbands, the men seem to feel glad that they're needed and are making their wives happy."
Fujiwara herself has been married for seven years. She used to keep her frustrations to herself. But she began telling her husband how she felt. "My husband was surprised at first because he had no idea what I was thinking, but he became kind. When I hinted that I wanted a pair of boots, he bought me a pair and was very happy about it."
"Society as a whole is still dominated by men, so if men ruled at home as well, it would be nasty," says comic book writer Mayumi Kurata. "I think it brings balance to society when women have control in the home.
"Devil wives who can spontaneously be selfish and ask for whatever they want are talented, in a way. Some husbands are happy being ordered around because it's easier to be told what to do. They also love getting all that attention from their wives. But this relationship style is different from the so-called weekend-only marriages and separated couples. I think married couples just need to find a relationship style that suits them."(IHT/Asahi: January 14,2006)
Don't believe your co-workers if you want a long marriage. We've been married 38 years (and 1 month) and are not like that at all. I would never treat my husband like that. Everything is talked over - especially spending anything over $100. Way too many marriages fail because of the "me first" thinking. Sometimes you have to give more that 50% - sometimes you get more than 50%. I would not have (marry) any other man than the one I married (at 17). After he's gone, I will have me a good looking hunky brainless pool boy. LOLLL
Post 26 is a Hillary. Just not the one you were thinking of.
And so I observe: Divorce on the grounds of incompatibility as reason for abandoning one's wedding vows, advocated on FR.
If that angers you, please try to respond only to what I posted, not to what you think I mean by what I posted.
Dan
Proverbs 12:4 --
"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones."
Lots of interesting things have gotten advocated here lately it seems.
"It's better to be alone, than to wish that you were."...Abigail Van Buren
This Aug 9th will be my wife's and my 20th.
My , it only seems like just last century......
I book marked the pick you posted to drop a hint for a 20th anniversary present. Shoot, I could fit every thing that's mine that isn't a hand, garden, electrical, gasoline, or diesel powered tool, (or runs on dog food )inside that thing, and be VERY comfortable.
The wood is a also a VERY nice touch , as the one I have now of that size constantly is in need of maintanance.
My wife says the spaced metal bar walls and door on my present one, seem to appear rusty after only about four months after I have painted them...
That sounds like a Tenshi-yome (angel-wife) to me!
I can't wait to share this with my better half. haha!
Japan * ping * (kono risuto ni hairitai ka detai wo shirasete kudasai : let me know if you want on or off this list)
If a husband let's the wife make all the decisions at home...he's never wrong and can't be blamed for a mistake she made.
And here I thought I was the only devil wife! Rats.
"The blog that triggered the phenomenon is titled "Oni-yome Nikki" (The true story of my devil wife)"
Actually, "Demon-Bride Diary," or my choice, "Ogre-Bride Diary."
Makes you wonder how much of the rest they got wrong.
Did the Japanese men surrender their balls after WWII, too?
I just don't see how American men can get excited about small, skinny, breakable Asian women.
Go figure.
LOL! To me, the reasons men "love bitches" are twofold:
1) Many men grew up in households with a single or otherwise dominant mother, and that's the model they learned from.
2) Many men just don't want to lead.
Unfortunately, when a man doesn't take the lead in the relationship and keep leading - forever - the relationship quickly becomes dysfunctional in ways like the article describes. Many men adjust to that and find a place of relative happiness, but they certainly aren't living up to their potential as human beings. I don't think you'll find very many successful men that tolerate relationships like those the article describes - men who are scared of the world on some level and thus willing to let their wives fight their battles just don't make very good CEO's. ;)
It's not a fad, it's called being P***** Whipped
Yes, PB - there are nasty wives and nasty husbands out in the world. Yet, we only get to hear about the nasty wives around here.
Can't wait until the "Mail Order Bride" crew shows up to tell everyone to marry non-American women because they are much nicer than those awful American women.
The problem in these marriages is deeper than a ten second psychoanalysis can provide - but we'll hear it.
Let me get the popcorn.
Relationships like that aren't good for either party. Power corrupts absolutely, and no one in a good marriage should feel they can get away with selfishness, meanness or disrespect.
Sawadeeeeeeeeeeeee pooh ying !!! Tealoc's forever !!
Eaker = Nitnoy Quay Kang !
Me too!
Oh, that attitude is rampant among expat guys over here. They're afraid of the strength in American women and opt for these obsequious, giggly non-Americans. It's disgusting. And they take "sex vacations" to the Philippies and Thailand on their leaves.
Fortunately, they're not all like that and the true "manly men" who are secure in their own skins are quite pleasant and enjoyable to be around. And they tend to disdain the ones who go after the third-world chicks as much as we do.
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