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To: Gabz; Motherbear; TAdams8591; Lorraine; Nea Wood; Fawn; ladyjane; Hischild; sassbox; Capriole; ...
This business about FR being a haven for "woman bashers" is geting a bit old. Here's what's really going on:

(1) Conservatives, in general, tend to be nice guys.

(2) Women, in general, tend to treat nice guys like $#!% in the dating/romance/marriage/divorce realm. Conservative and "Christian" women (with a few noble exceptions) seem to be little different in this regard.

(3) As a result, conservative circles tend to have a disproportionately large number of men who have been severely wounded by women, and/or have friends who have been.

What you all mistakenly call "woman bashing" is actually the result of this. Nevertheless, I can see how the apparent blindness of these guys to this woman's plight, could be disturbing. It would disturb me, too, if I didn't know where it was coming from. Let me state, for the record, that I think this Mr. Hekker, assuming the facts are as stated in the article, should simply be shot.

However, when, as a man, one lives in a cultural climate where all men are constantly, falsely accused of being like this, and where everyone from radio ministries to family court assumes and acts as if ALL relationship issues are the fault of men, it tends to blunt one's sympathy for the situation where it's actually true. The story of the boy who cried wolf comes to mind.

414 posted on 01/10/2006 1:19:14 AM PST by Rytwyng ("Always winter and never Christmas" -- the curse of the White Witch and the ACLU!)
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To: Rytwyng

Sorry you can't handle truth - but there is a large contingent of woman bashers here on FR.


422 posted on 01/10/2006 4:04:17 AM PST by Gabz
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To: Rytwyng
Conservatives, in general, tend to be nice guys . . .when, as a man, one lives in a cultural climate where all men are constantly, falsely accused of being [terrible], and where everyone from radio ministries to family court assumes and acts as if ALL relationship issues are the fault of men, it tends to blunt one's sympathy for the situation where it's actually true. The story of the boy who cried wolf comes to mind.

This part of your post is unquestionably true, and I heartily agree with it. Men in our society are the victims of great, great injustices.

When I read your post for the first time, before coffee had ever touched my lips, it initially sounded spot-on. Then I thought about it a bit more, and found that there were some areas in which I couldn't support it.

(2) Women, in general, tend to treat nice guys like $#!% in the dating/romance/marriage/divorce realm. Conservative and "Christian" women (with a few noble exceptions) seem to be little different in this regard.

We need to define our terms. Many men and woman think that it's "nice" to be submissive, passive, excessively eager to please, always in the position of a supplicant. It's ugly but true that people, male or female, tend to respond to that kind of behavior by developing contempt for the person who acts that way. Many liberal men are nice, too. But contrary to your contention, there are far more conservative men than liberal men who are kind, warm, patient, honorable, and strong. The conservative man who is very good but strong will not be treated in a contemptuous manner by women; they will respect and desire him.

(3) As a result, conservative circles tend to have a disproportionately large number of men who have been severely wounded by women, and/or have friends who have been.

The real issue is that men of any political philosophy who have been hurt by women have far more time on their hands to post endlessly on online forums. Liberal men don't complain aloud about women because they're all about how non-PC that is and how it must be their fault. Freepers, not being constrained by considerations of political correctness, air their anger and hurt, so we have woman-bashing threads.

439 posted on 01/10/2006 7:06:27 AM PST by Capriole (I don't have any problems that can't be solved by more chocolate or more ammunition.)
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To: Rytwyng; Capriole
(1) Conservatives, in general, tend to be nice guys. (2) Women, in general, tend to treat nice guys like $#!% in the dating/romance/marriage/divorce realm. Conservative and "Christian" women (with a few noble exceptions) seem to be little different in this regard. (3) As a result, conservative circles tend to have a disproportionately large number of men who have been severely wounded by women, and/or have friends who have been.

I see this post as two straw men and an excuse.

No, conservative men are no more likely than anyone else to be 'nice'. They run the gammut. Just like women do. But your posts sets up a scenario where the men tend to be nice and women tend to be bitches to them, and when their relationships fail, men are blameless and women are predators. I don't buy that premise.

While it's true that we have an unfortunate part of our personality that treats ~weakness~ with contempt (power corrupts), ~weakness~ is in no way the same thing as "nice" though they are easily confused. But this corruption of the relationship by power is not a soley female trait, it's a male trait as well. In fact, it's exactly that corruptive power differential aspect of traditional families that makes ~women~ historically more often the victims of the violence of overbearing men.

So I think your conclusion, that FR is just the receptical for a bunch of male victims of women is a conclusion based on two false premises. While it's true many of us come here with the scars of our past failed relationships, to say that the men of FR tend to be mere victims of women is both unfair to the women of this board, and more importantly, greatly reduces men. I don't know any men who are hapless victims, but I do know a lot of people who aren't very good at managing their relationships.

And while none of us can sit here and accurately dissect the relationships of strangers who are sharing only what they want to about their 'baggage' on a forum, it's not helpful to anyone to send them down a path that will indeed make them less functional and not more in trying again. I happen to think it's true that both men and women need to feel secure, respected and loved in their relationships. But we aren't going to get there by setting each other up as alternating predators and prey depending on who's doing the talking.

462 posted on 01/10/2006 8:02:56 AM PST by HairOfTheDog (Join the Hobbit Hole Troop Support - http://freeper.the-hobbit-hole.net/ 1,000 knives and counting!)
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To: Rytwyng
"As a result, conservative circles tend to have a disproportionately large number of men who have been severely wounded by women, and/or have friends who have been."

Do you have any idea how many conservative women have been severely wounded by men?????????? Your comment above reveals your lack of sensitivity to conservative women and their suffering.

But most of us, unlike many of the conservative men on this forum at least, have NOT lost the ability to be fair about the kinds of situations described in the above article, or in the general judgment of men and women and their behavior toward each other, as evidenced below:

"2) Women, in general, tend to treat nice guys like $#!% in the dating/romance/marriage/divorce realm. Conservative and "Christian" women (with a few noble exceptions) seem to be little different in this regard."

I don't like it when either men or women mistreat their spouses and bows and unlike some of the men on this thread and this forum, are sensitive to BOTH situations. And frankly, I prefer GOOD and NICE men to the bad guys and always have.

486 posted on 01/10/2006 11:51:51 AM PST by TAdams8591 (The first amendment does NOT protect vulgar and obscene speech.)
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