You have a very practical perspective. There are times when meeting half way is not an option. The compromise, in your case for instance, is to say that you value the relationship over your dream of having four kids.
The emotional trick/self-discipline is not holding that against her later if things go through a rocky period. To give it up completely without any residual resentment. What it all comes down to is that a good marriage is a series of small, but important "little choices."
I come to it as a Christian and I agree with you to a huge extent. In my own life, I must decide daily that I value my relationship with my husband more than "getting my way" every time, or a million other little things. He does the same for me. That is the compromise.
In any case, good job, you've nailed it.
Thanks. The important component as you said is not to hold something against the other person in a bad spell. That is amazingly difficult, I think.
It's best to have aligned life goals rather than make big surrenders like the one I mentioned. If the woman gives in, at some level (unless motherhood really suits her), and she really never wanted kids, there will be some resentment there against hubby. similarly, hubby who gives in with no kids (but who wanted them) will feel pangs on resentment as his siblings and friends enjoy their children, and may grow to resent his surrender on the issue.
These things have a habit of getting worse.
For me, I tend to value practical responses that are principled over principled responses that are impractical. :-) Some mature compromises and indeed sacrifices must be made to keep a marriage intact. The bigger and more important those surrenders/compromises are, the more potentially harmful they may grow to be.
Just the truth. Thanks! I come to this as a practicing, but practical, Catholic, by the way.