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The mechanic raised up from under my hood,
An' he shook his head an' said: "This ain't good:
"Your timin' belt's done shrunk one size too small.
"Those spark plug wires are a little too long,
"And your main prodsponder's nearly gone.
"Your injector ports are stripped, and that ain't all.

"The torque converter's runnin' low on torque,
"And that water pump's nearly down a quart.
"We caught it all in time so you're in luck."
He said: "I've got the time an' I've got the parts:
"Just give me the word an' I'm ready to start.
"I think we can bring her in for eight hundred bucks."

But don't be downhearted,
I can fix it for you, sonny.
It won't take too long,
It'll just take money.

Then he said: "Aren't you that songwriter guy?"
An' I said: "Yes, I am." He said: "So am I."
He sat down and played me a song by the grease rack.
When he finished singin', he gave me a smile,
An' I closed my eyes and pondered awhile.
An' he said: "What do you think? Now don't hold nothin' back."

Well, I gave him my most sorrowful look,
An' I said: "This song's got a broken hook.
"But I can order you a new one from Nashville but it won't be cheap.
"An' I know you've been using a cut-rate Thesaurus,
"'Cause your adverbs are backed up into your chorus:
"Now your verse is runnin' on verbs that are way too weak."

But don't be downhearted,
I can fix it for you, sonny.
It won't take too long,
It'll just take money.

An' I said: "Hold on friend, now I'm not through:
"I hate to be the one to give you this news,
"But your whole melodic structure's done worked itself loose.
"It's got so many dotted eighth notes in it,
"I'd keep her under fifty beats per minute.
"I mean, that's just me talkin': it's really up to you."

"An' you've got a bad safety problem with,
"That dominant chord with the augmented fifth:
"Just see how dangerously high it raises you up.
"So just go on over an' work on my car,
"An' I'll sit here by the fan and chances are,
"I can straighten this thing out for eigh er, nine hundred bucks."

But don't be downhearted,
I can fix it for you, sonny.
It won't take too long,
You guessed it.
Well, it may be a hit.
I like it.

--Dennis Linde