Replies

"My ex is a lying, cheating, lazy drunk..."

Too many "once-married" women and men have similar experiences and I know some of them. Do these people do a 180 after they walk down the aisle or does the other party to the marriage choose to ignore the tell-tale signs?

At times I've wondered if some marriages were a mistake in the first place. I recall my Mother's words to me: "There are a million reasons why people marry" (the one they marry, she obviously meant.)

It wasn't complicated. I met him when I was 19 (i.e., stupid). He was older, charming, gorgeous, wanted to marry me. For decades I adored him, catered to him, built a home, had wonderful kids, helped him teach Sunday school, and had a "perfect" life. Then he got fired and lied about the reason (embezzlement). Then his drinking started, then our fighting started. He refused church counseling or AA, yada, yada, yada, I found out that he had led a double life from the beginning. I wasn't even smart enough to be in denial about it while he was sleeping with half the women in the world, and I trusted him completely until the moment I found out that he wasn't worthy of that trust.

I didn't choose to ignore the signs, and he didn't do a 180. He was just incredibly clever and good at not leaving signs, and I was a trusting wife. He fooled everyone else, too.

I found peace with the whole situation when I saw the truth, realized I had married a psychopath and moved out. Now I know that some people are good, and some are evil, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's all in God's hands. I'm just glad I have another chance at life.

I don't hate all men because of my experiences, because that would be stupid. There are so many great ones around. However, I certainly don't trust other people the way I did before, but that's good thing. As my daughter pointed out, distrust is a God-given survival mechanism.