In the past few years, I have not finished watching only a couple of movies due to their stupefying awfulness (both on tape): Ian McKellan's "Richard III," and "Reds," with Warren Beatty. I love Ian most of the time, but he was actually boring as mean ol' Richard, and the director seemed to have confused Shakespeare with some slasher flick. Finally left my husband to finish it. "Reds" came in a set of two tapes and it was so boring that tape two never came out of the box.
Re WOTW, both it and "Alexander" have a special category for me: awful movies that have one good scene in them that make you wish the director had gone that way instead. WOTW scene: at the beginning of the movie when pavement is spontaneously ripping up and buildings are starting to fall -- good exciting scene that made me hope for more from the rest of the movie. (Add to that movie's list of stupid impossibilities: when the teenage boy manages to find his way back to grandma's house, after delibertately breaking away from dad and heading straight into the carnage. WTF? Does anyone believe he could not only have survived but got to grandma's BEFORE dad?) Good scene in "Alexander": When Philip takes the teenage Alexander down into the caves to show him the ancient, sacred cave paintings. Something very true and mysterious and just plain cool in that scene. But the rest of the movie just could not lumber past the awful spectacle of Alex's exploded-haystack hair.
Class 1. Spiderman
Class 2. What Dreams May Come (Stupid treacle starring Robin Williams. If I think about it, I'll vomit from the sappiness. Also the last Robin Williams movie I'll ever watch.)
Class 3. Tomb Raider 2. I'm sorry, I still ache for Angelina, but there's only so much predictable crap one man can stand.
my fav vietnam vet comes home movie: Deathdream, aka "Dead of Night" I'll give ya a hint: the special effects were done by Tom Savini.
Class 1: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Ugh.
Class 2: Stone Mountain. Double Ugh.
Class 3: Legends of the Fall, Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988). Shootmenow Ugh.
"The Choirboys": One of the first of the "Take a Decent Book Then Hack And Slash It Into Irrlevance" Movies.
Joe Wambaugh was absolutely right to have his name removed from this poorly written, acted and directed piece of cinematic dreck that even James Woods, Don Stroud and Louis Gossett Jr. couldn't pull up from the sewer!
Special Category: "Full Metal Jacket": Kubrick should have stayed stuck to Gus Hasford's "The Short Timers" as he had for 3/4 of the novel (Which is superb!) as it was written!
Having Joker, Cowboy and the Lust Hog Squad sent to Khe Sahn. Where the squad falls victim to another ambush where Doc is shot. Cowboy goes after him and is shot. Joker takes charge, decides not to risk any more men and shoots Cowboy dead!
"Hedwig and The Angry Inch": A very popular IFC film. Though, I just can't get the hang of a rock band with John Cameron Mitchell in drag leading it. Far too pretentious for its own good.
Jack.
The worst movie ever made: AMERICAN MOVIE
Amazon.com essential video
Struggling filmmaker Mark Borchardt is the subject of American Movie, and he may also be the most determined man you'll ever meet. The straggly haired, fast-talking, Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, native lists his greatest influences as Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. He began making horror movies as a gangly adolescent, and is now set on finishing Coven (which he pronounces like "woven"), the "35-minute direct market thriller" he has worked on for two years. In the process, he steadfastly battles immense debt, the threat of losing his kids, and birds chirping gleefully through scenes set in the dead of winter. His mother would rather do her shopping than be an extra, his brother contends he's best suited for factory work, and his father just wants him to "watch the language."
Standing by him through it all is Mark's childhood buddy, Mike Schank, who is the strongest weapon against drug use a task force could ever hope for, and Uncle Bill, begrudging financier of Coven, who appears to be wasting away before our very eyes. In less perceptive hands these two could easily become caricatures--the burnt-out stoner and the crotchety old coot--but through director Chris Smith's lens we see why Mark loves them, why they love Mark, and why each of these stories is uniquely compelling.
Winner of the Grand Jury Prize at the 1999 Sundance Film Festival, the film has been compared to Spinal Tap and Waiting for Guffman--two unquestionably hilarious mock-documentaries--and, indeed, American Movie has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments. But in the spoofs, we feel encouraged to point and giggle at the poor slobs trying to get a piece of the action. Smith, however, offers us a funny and overwhelmingly affectionate portrait; you may sit down expecting to laugh at Mark's pie-in-the-sky hopes, but you soon find yourself bursting with admiration. "The American dream stays with me each and every day," Mark says, and by the end, we want nothing more than for it to come true. (The DVD version includes the complete short film "Coven.") --Brangien Davis
Class 3: Can't remember the title but it was the movie 3-4 years about a reunion of a folk singing group. I rented it but it was so bad I pulled it out after about 30 min. Whole story line was the same tedious joke or it seemed like it to me.
Prelude to a Kiss - was on a date (thought it would be a good date movie) zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Chariots of Fire - Heard all the hype, then stunned by the sheer boredom of it!
Most anything with Will Smith in it. Talk about ham-handed acting! And that black ghetto schtick is getting really old. Hey Will, that was funny 20 years ago in that TV sitcom, now get over it!
Class 1:
American Beauty
Pulp Fiction
Jingle All the Way
Class 2:
Event Horizon
Bulworth
Class 3:
The Slums of Beverly Hills
Class 2: Robot Monster. I may be one of the few people alive who actually watched this in a movie theater. The "monster" was an actor in a gorilla suit and wearing a diver's helmet with TV rabbit ears glued to it! I believe they hired him because he was able to supply the costume. This vies with "Plan Nine for Earth" as the all time worst Sci Fi movie.
The Constant Gardener was absolutely terrible.
1. Bridges of Madison County
What a snooze fest! I stayed only because I was with my wife and the row of women behind us made such a big deal at how much I love my wife that I would take her to it, and that I was the only straight guy in the theatre.
I had to keep remarking that Iowa cities don't look like that. Des Moines is a modern city with all of the big city conveniences. She thinks Iowa is just a big mud hole, mainly because of this movie.
I still bring this up when my wife says it's her turn to pick up a movie. "Yes, but I sat through Bridges of Madison County." With that, she concedes to watch the next Jackie Chan movie instead.
2. King Pin
I left the theatre feeling like I needed a shower. That was just an icky movie. (I know "icky" is a girly word, but I cannot find a more appropriate word)
3. Summer of Sam
My wife dragged me to this piece of crap. I knew it was crap, but my wife loves stories about serial killers because of her work in law. I tried to explain it wasn't about the Son of Sam, but she wouldn't listen.
It is a movie supposedly about how others reacted during the time when SoS was on his killing spree. Instead, all I saw was a bunch of sex-crazed racist retards in the NYC area.
There was some inappropriate exposure. Two rows in front of us were three boys, about 12 years old, with no adult with them. I used that as an excuse to get out of the theatre, so i could ask the manager to get the kids out since it was definately inappropriate for their age.
We finally left after my wife had enough of my outrage, especially since they did not remove the kids. We got our money only after I threatened to go to the authorities with the complaint that the theatre allowed under age into the movie.
Just in the last year, movies that either my wife or kids dragged me to:
Mr. 3000 - Bernie Mac, dry and humorless
Meet the Fockers - unfunny, leftist garbage
Stealth - Why did Jamie Foxx do this film?
The Honeymooners - I slept through this one
The Up Side of Anger - another Kevin Costner and I forget who the woman was, bomb.
This is just within the last year
The most recent stinker I've seen was The Brothers Grimm. Aside from Leana Headley (Angelica) and the computer-generated sfx, this thing blew like Moby Dick! I got a sharp reminder why I despise Matt Damon- he can't act his way out of a paper bag. Heath Ledger did his career no favors either, although he was more appealing than Damon.
My wife and I got a private showing of sorts. We were the only ones in the theatre.
This falls into the "I paid for it dammit!" category.
"Deep Impact" really fried me: it was so utterly, contemptibly negative and cliche, from letting the bitchy single-mom boss take her place in the shelter, to the so-called heroine's "conflict" with her divorced father. But it was the smaller things that made this movie so totally insulting, to wit: Remember, the shelter would hold only one million people. Now, one million people is a tiny fraction of the 16 mil here in So Cal, let alone all the folks in the U.S. The chances of you even knowing one of those lucky million selected from all America to go to the shelter, would be very slim indeed. Yet this idiotic, downer, pessimistic, loser of a movie had BUSSES crusing through a SMALL TOWN picking up those folks in that town -- and they were numerous -- that were among that million! As if each town in America would be sending a small group!
"Armageddon," on the other hand, was equally ridiculous on many fronts, but it was upbeat, entertaining, humorous, and above all, optimistic. I loved Armageddon, then again, the opening scene of Bruce Willis hitting golf balls onto a Green Peace ship from his own oil rig was worth the price of admission!