Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
Broken Arrow - worst movie I've ever seen. Travolta over-acted, they butchered it in the cutting room - made it totally unbelievable.
oh! i like this movie... appreciate it's quirkiness...
Hollywood Knights is a classic, especially the scene with Newbomb and Fran Drescher in the back of the van. BTW, don't drink the punch.
"Being Human" with Robin Williams
A friend and I decided to take a chance on it at the theater. Within ten minutes people start to walk out, by an half an hour my friend was begging to go but I was like surely it will get better and funny, fifteen minutes later I said "lets get the hell out of here"
Oh yeah its always "The Military Industrial Complex" according to Stone...
Lets see we can start with Natural Born Killers. That movie was terrible...
"4) The Scorpion King. The Rock needs to stick to his day job!"
I just saw the trailer for DOOM. The Rock plays the key role as the Marine blowing stuff up. He won't need to act, just grimmance. I can not even wait!
There's no accounting for taste - I loved the movie! The poor little kid just wanted to be human! - an updated Pinocchio. Of course, I'm a big SciFi fan - I almost always like SciFi films, even when others don't.
Pulp Fiction - now there's a movie I wish I'd never seen.
Also the movie Chicago - I cringed everytime Richard Gere sang (I'm cringing just thinking about it).
Xanadu, with Olivia Newton John - YIPES!
The movie version of the Who's Tommy - DOUBLE YIPES!!
Even the gerbil cringed.
Haven't been to a movie all year so I don't even know what's playing. Used to enjoy the movies but the liberal leftwing crap coming out of H'weird coupled with the high price of a ticket to support liberal leftist demoncRATs lifestyle turned me off completely. The last movie I saw was LOTR--Return of the King in January 2004.
It does seem to have a bit of a wang to it.
Lawrence.....Lawrence of Ara---bia
Oh, man. I forgot about that train wreck.
I love SciFi too. But I just can't stand AI...just bad, bad, bad....depressing bad. But that's just my opinion! :)
VOOOOOOOL-AR-AY.....
LOL!
Well...I will take YOUR word for it, then!
Ann Margaret is a goddess, but damn I hated the way she sang.
I submit Corpse Bride. Even my 4 and 6 year old thought it was stupid.
Alien.
I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but here goes.
Did you ever watch a movie when you were a kid (not necessarily a kid movie or a cartoon geared towards kids) and you loved it, I mean LOVED it that it was all you talked about all the time every day, and then years go by, you see it on TV and watch it for nostalgia sake and think to yourself, What was I thinking?
Freepers, please don't beat me for this, but....
"The Pirate Movie".
It was interesting, but I believe a stretch to call it the best movie of all time...
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.