Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice
Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.
So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure
Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.
Examples:
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen
"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense
“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior
"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!
Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds
"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level
I never saw the original - so I guess I got nothing to compare it to.
But I thought the acting, plot and special effects and filmatography were all fine.
1. Blair Witch Project....
I giggled my butt off until I realized that the stupid group of kids freaking out in the WOODS (ooooh, scary--NOT) was supposed to be a serious movie.
OK, yeah. Sure.
2. I rarely go to or pay for movies, so I can't think of one that I was sorry I went to....HOWEVER, add "Van Helsing" to the "I laughed because it was so bad" catagory.
3. The Missing has got to be THE worst movie I have EVER EVER seen. I knew I hated it because near the end, when it looked like the heroine might die, I was happy...cuz it meant it was about over!
Lastly, I'll have to admit that all the "Room With a View", "Chariots of Fire" etc kind of movies are just my cup of tea. Can watch them over and over.
HOWEVER, I hate nothing more than a 'Godfather' or that type of genre' movie. I just don't get what about that crap is entertaining.
Mystery Men qualifies as a "fun bad" movie, i.e., movies that are so bad, they're actually fun to watch. Clue is another movie that falls into this category.
I enjoyed WOTW (2005). Saw it twice with my son. It's a roller coaster ride.
I don't think you're looking above the neck on her.....so breathing counts as acting with her.
And DDL, well,
in a few movies, I was happy just to look too :)
LOL!
I thought that was the point!
And...
"Show me all the blueprints....show me all the blueprints...show me all the blueprints...show me all the blueprints...show me all the blueprints...show me all the blueprints...show me all the blueprints..."
I liked the movie, and I dislike Leonard DiCaprio, but I do think he is a good actor...I enjoyed "Catch me if you can".
song was better in its original form (pasttime paradise, stevie wonder)
I want my money back.... If only I could get the two hours of my life wasted on this movie back.
Worth seeing once, just for seeing Pia Zadora naked... though that's my Y chromosome speaking, I think.
"Shop smart, Shop S-mart".
"Hey She-bit@h, let's dance."
"Yeah. According to the police, my father came home from work one night and fell down an elevator shaft...onto some bullets."
"He who questions training only trains himself in asking questions."
The Church of Scientology thanks you.
I know Tom Hanks is a liberal, but he generally keeps it out of his public life.
I know Spielberg is a FLAMING liberal, but...I generally like his stuff. Even if it is formulaic, he pushes the right buttons for me.
In any case, I am willing to forgive them both a great deal for making "Saving Private Ryan" and "Band of Brothers". I thought they treated the themes with great respect without interjecting political BS.
I think that won the worst movie in 25 years by Razzie Awards....LOL! Can you believe that movie was actually a book first? :o
Yes, I genuinely liked Second Hand Lions. Actually I like the kid. He's a great actor and seems pretty down to earth for someone so young in that environment. But he still brings AI to mind whenever I see him. It's sad really.
And yes, Jude Law is lower than Yak puke in my book.
I have to agree with that.
Pia Zadora had the body and the looks for a movie like that.
But no acting skills to speak of.
That reminds me that Hanks quipped to a reporter that he regretted giving Clinton's campaign $10,000, but he retracted the statement a few days later, the Hollywood DNC Mafia must have made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
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