Posted on 09/17/2005 6:59:48 AM PDT by teldon30
Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?
Deluxe Chopped Liver
Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''
''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.
Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street
(Excerpt) Read more at mcall.com ...
You've never heard of the "trophy wife"?
I said until actually married--as in after the wedding.
Categorizing a person by their car makes as much sense as diagnosing a disease by their runny nose.
You sound swell - alot like the gentleman I am currently seeing.
I'm not so handy around the house. I can rewire a lamp, and replace the washers in a faucet, but I can't do much more than that. I have been lucky to have close male friends who are very good at that kind of thing, who will work for food.
I can fish, and hunt pheasant, but I don't clean the fish or game. (Mom told me not to learn how to do that or I'd be stuck with the job forever...haha) I do bait my own hooks, though. So do all 5 of my kids.
Dump cake in a dutch oven is ambrosia as far as I am concerned, and I'll eat darn near anything you grill, unless you put sweet bbq sauce on it, and then I will politely ask you to leave the sweet stuff off of mine.
I'll bet you are great fun at parties - you are the one telling the good stories that most people miss because they are too busy drinking and impressing each other.
I agree that trying to meet people in a bar is not a good plan if you are looking for a mate. However, I am a musician, and that is where I meet most people. Difference is, I'm there to play music, not to hook up. The man I am seeing right now is also a musician, and while we met in a bar, it was not a pick-up deal. We shared that common interest, and found that we had even more in common than a love for blues.
That seems to be the best way to meet people with whom you want to have a meaningful relationship, whether as a friend or mate - connecting over a commonly held interest or value. Hooking up in bars is too shallow for my tastes, though I will admit that I have met interesting people there. Just wouldn't want to be married to most of them!
PS - I think the pecan pie would ship, but I'm not at all sure about the meringues...
Then you should probably really listen.
No one is in disagreement with the concepts you outline. It's "bad faith" practice that's the problem.
I've heard Christian women throw off any personal responsibility under the rubric of "leadership" more often than I've heard about how Republicans are mean/stupid/racist. But as I've said many times in the past "a man can't lead a woman that refuses to follow."
The youngest daughter of friends at church, a divinity student, was preparing for her wedding. A week before it was scheduled, she discovered that her fiance had been carrying on with her maid-of-honor. Wedding cancelled.
But she did not write off all men as rats. She signed up with a Christian dating service for about $500 I believe. She received their catalog of photos and bios, saw one young man--not tall, dark and handsome but wearing glasses and nice-looking--she said "He looked like a nice person". She was intrigued by his bio, listing his interests and I assume values, and contacted him.
After their 2nd or 3rd date she brought him to a family picnic and, as her mother said, he fit in instantly. The interesting thing about this is he was not a member of a church, in fact, hardly attended at all. His paternal grandfather had been a minister, his father rebelled, and his son was not brought up in the church. I never did find out why he chose a Christian dating service.
His mother died when he was 12, he traveled around the world with his father who was an auditor, I believe, and wanted to settle down.
They were engaged, she was a youth minister at a church midway between both their homes, and he became a very active participant with her.
Their wedding was a joyous occasion, filled with young children at the reception which was more like a family get-together.
They have 2 lovely young children and appear to be very happy together. I would say their values and goals were the same and they genuinely enjoyed being together.
If I weren't a happily married and elderly grandmother--2nd marriage to a college sweetheart after 35 years--and about 50 years younger, considering today's social climate, that's probably where I would start!
Being a full-time mother was the most wonderful experience of my life and I wish you success in your search.
My thoughts, exactly.
You should try making one sometime.
My personal observations about REAL LIFE are just as worthwhile as your sterile "documented" so called facts
Try experiencing real relationships instead of just reading about them
As for the first graph: no they're not.
As for the second, is that *really* the direction you want to take a discussion?
Hmmm. Not sure that I could live with such a policy. Then again, I watched what a friend went through when the woman he was seeing and he had a falling out at home, it really made life in the workplace difficult because they had to see each other all day long despite the hurt feelings on both sides. It was not pretty... Just told Myself to only date women from OTHER parts of the building to be on the safe side.
There are still a few that could still pass... You really don't think that God has stopped being active in ALL women's lives, do you?
well then, maybe I'm psychic ;-)
Ditto
As for the second, is that *really* the direction you want to take a discussion?
Read your first reply to me and try and practice what you preach
Yar, I understood that as well, but My point remained the same: women of ALL ages have asked Me that question and just because she might have a few years on her does not guarantee any level of maturity whatsoever.
I agree about your position on newer cars as well. One of My previous girlfriends did not believe Me when I casually mentioned that My Cougar effortlessly blew the doors off of the most notable factory-direct muscle cars. She came by a few days later with a borrowed Z-28 and... lets just say that it was a good thing there were no LEOs about. She was SO upset, lol. Give Me an older muscle-car with a decent V8 any day, and you can keep your cookie-cutter newer Gutless Wonders (not you personally, lol).
Not all women who could pass your questionnaire are married. There are still a few out there that are single. Maybe you should try meeting the southern ladies.
My lord,
This thread is still running?
Wowzers.
Too true. Whenever I found out that a woman I was interested in was a higher-up in some company I knew that as a simple Technician she was not going to be interested in dating someone beneath her -and it was ALWAYS the case, lol. The tables turned when I became an Engineer, though, as suddenly the receptionists, assembly girls and clerks all suddenly seemed to be extremely interested in getting to know Me much better. *grin* I could tell you some quite humerous war stories concerning that. Almost got caught a few times and can laugh about it now. I even started noticeing some speculative gazes from some of the female Engineers and one or two of the Executive staff women. I had learned My lesson by then, however, and was unwilling to be a chess piece in their corporate maneuvres.
I appreciated the same thing about My Cougar. I recall one year the apartment complex where I was renting a unit had all the cars in the carports broken into overnight on Christmas Eve 'Day' and a lot of things were taken -especially the stereo equipment, units, speakers, the works. Nobody bothered with My car, however. I felt bad for everybody else, but pleased that I had suffered no losses.
I, for one, do not think that. However, I do wonder how much of "female" culture has made G-d's word "of no effect" in their lives. There is clear Scriptural precedent for such a state of affairs.
Consider Jesus' indictment of the religionists of his day with regard to "honor." He clearly lays out how the religious culture that approved giving money to "charity" rather than ones own parents nullified the intent of the Commandment.
I believe the same mindset is at work when women bring out their whole coterie of "alternative aggressions" to achieve goals they've already been denied, or may be denied.
You know, I think there is another interesting aspect to the financial aspects of dating. I truly believe that above a certain income level, one's financial comfort is more a matter of spending habits than earning level. I've known too many people with large salaries who live paycheck to paycheck. On the other hand, men who know how to handle things themselves, and who don't need custom tailored suits or Rolex watches are able to take care of their families much better. I think that is part of the old car thing, too. A lot of guys get caught up in their "hot" new cars to mask the fact that they would have no clue what do with an older one. There's just something about a guy with a brand new sports car who doesn't even know how to change the oil, don't you think???
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