Posted on 07/08/2005 9:59:45 AM PDT by Exton1
Crimes we share aren't cinematic. On a broad scale, 9-11 and genocide are true crimes against people. How do we describe to children, that the reality of life is not always fables and fantasy without scaring them too much?
Anyone responsible for raising a boy can not afford to bury his/her head in optimism. Denial did not protect the United States from 9-11, nor will it protect your son from a pedophile.
Crimes against boys bring emotional challenge from a society that does not discuss male sexuality. However, society's ignorance by default places the burden of proof completely upon the boy, not the adult responsible. For the past 25 years, statistics remain constant that 1-in-5 boys experience sexual abuse prior to the age of 16. This statistic represents a good-sized number, roughly 30,000,000 males in the United States, or the population of California.
These statistics may be conservative however, because the issue of sexual assault on boys is not fully understood. The stigma attached to males --they should be able to protect themselves-- does encourage males to keep issues they face hidden from parents or friends. Furthermore, gay men in particular, are less likely to report sexual assault at any age, for male-to-male sexual content is more acceptable.
Throughout the 1980s and '90s, the stigma around boyhood assault has decreased due to high profile court cases. The Internet also acts as a "community" for males to discuss their abuse anonymously without risk of judgement by those they know.
From criminal research, we know that pedophiles were molested as boys, or shown how to molest, and that on the average, serial pedophiles molested 120 boys each before being caught. Serial pedophiles will molest boys and girls; however, the number of girls is 84 per pedophile. Women on the other hand are more likely to experience rape as an adult. Is there a permanent cure for sexual predators? Sadly, we don't know.
If the numbers aren’t of concern there are other factors to consider before deciding this problem isn’t a big deal. It is virtually impossible to be molested as a child and grow up to live a healthy, productive life without post-assault treatment.
Children need to recover in order to accept the crime committed to their body. Those who do not recover grow into adulthood severely marred by the body trauma. Males who have been assaulted as children exhibit behaviors ranging from drug and alcohol abuse to violent crime—including sexual assault.
Boys who have been molested will often act out sexually, or aggressively toward themselves or others after their assault. Ironically, those "tough boys" we knew as children were tough for a reason. Research shows that young male victims are five times more likely to commit a crime before age 18. Boys keep their molest secret for fear of being judged gay or of being weak. Actions speak for words.
My research has shown me that once a boy is assaulted, his chance of being victimized again quadruples. Three out of four inner-city gangs use sexual assault on new members as part of initiation. The leading cause of attempted suicide among males is rooted in prior sexual assault. More than 90 percent of teenage alcoholics and drug addicts in treatment have reported being victims of sexual assault.
The Adult Response
In a rational and kind community, what purpose would public places serve where men congregate for sexual stimulation? In every major city, certain clubs, and parks are notorious spots for men to seek anonymous sexual gratification. Internet sites provide directions, locations, and specific times for sexual encounters. Men seeking anonymous sex with women is more acceptable by society, and is available through clubs, bars, and brothels. Men-to-men encounters are not acceptable, thus, engagement becomes more creative often in out-of-the way places, or public toilets, parks, and book stores.
Who are these men? The purpose of this story is not to identify anonymous meeting places. However, any search engine will display this information for your area by simply typing "sexual encounter" "(your city)."
The men who frequent parks or clubs are not all victims of childhood sexual abuse. But the act of anonymous sexual gratification is often found as a symptom of the male's attempt to gain control of his life -- which to him is out of control. Male victims do see their lives as "out-of-control."
These men are not anonymous afterall. They may have arrived at a truck stop or park for pleasure from another town. They may be a priest, a teacher, a coworker, a father, a husband, or a friend. The act of anonymous sex continues the path of secrecy, denial, and sadistically will keep the (adult) child's molest alive.
Men who exhibit the need for sexual gratification in anonymous habit, exhibit addictive behavior. There is a direct correlation between adult sexual addiction and childhood sexual assault.
Anything that keeps the man from admitting his failure to protect himself will appear to help him forget the pain, whether it is the high from anonymous sex, or the high from drugs, or the similar high that some men experience from consuming themselves with work. The technique to deny one's activity can be masterfully creative. It sets the stage for his life, of which he is the producer, actor, and audience. It separates their addictive behavior from rational behavior by becoming an emotionally removed observer.
As the survivor of a sexual assault that occurred when I was 15, I have always found it difficult to describe the fury of emotions and self-assessment that followed the crime. Along with my sister and 65 others in San Juan Capistrano, CA, my rapist, Gerald "Jerry" P Young, faced only a handful of days in jail for his crimes against both boys and girls.
Even though I coped, my struggle is made insignificant with words. I felt worthless, helpless, and guilt blossomed inside and rooted into every nerve. By not having been able to fight Jerry off my body, I told myself, I was therefore a wimp, and insignificant and horrid waste of a man, a fag. There was no one to tell. I didn’t cry, I didn’t laugh, and above all I didn’t feel, because feelings would build me into a raging maniac. I kept everyone away by hurting them, believing on some level that in this way I would ensure that no one would ever be close enough to hurt me again. No one had told me that an adult would harm a child. I wondered what else they hadn’t told me about life, what other lies would haunt me as I grew into adulthood.
When I finally turned to my parents, only after learning of my sister's repeated molests, we turned to our Catholic Parish priest. He advised us to "forgive and forget." Those words the Catholic Church uses often. Why would a respected priest ignore my parent's request for consolation? He ignored my (adult) request for answer 15 years later, and now he lives in retirement.
There is no quick recovery for adult men, but it is possible, and worth the effort. Healing the crime may be the greatest challenge during his lifetime. Healing can drain a survivor of everything he ever learned about life, people and religion, and there is a tendency to become physically exhausted for months or longer. Binge-drinking somehow seems easier to fall back on, but with the professional skills of a trained therapist, victims can move on.
The process for an adult male will turn your life upside down. Everyone the victim knows might become a stranger, except for his therapist and other survivors. Maybe this is why so many men choose another way out. After recovery, males do emerge stronger, healthier, and can experience joy in life. It is far easier to help a boy immediately following a molest, rather than waiting for him to enter adulthood with scars and baggage.
What hurts today is the way in which society remains out of focus and seemingly uninterested in the sexual abuse of a boy. It’s much easier to believe a boy is reporting a false memory, because it makes the real world seem a bit safer if everything we say is a fantasy. It remains taboo for a boy to discuss what happened. Just as it remains taboo for 9-11 witnesses to admit they still experience nightmares. Tragic circumstances require community patience, interaction, and support. Silence condones tragedy, and leaves victims out-in-the-cold.
Parents assume an apathetic role because they say, "It won’t happen to my son. It only happens to . . ." (fill in the blank—Black kids, gay people, etc.). The evidence of denial grows as the communities build guarded gates and private schools, all in hopes of protecting their children from someone who fits society’s stereotype of a child molester -- the rare occurence of stranger danger, which accounts for less than 1 percent of all pedophilia instances.
No matter what we do, pedophiles are the only people who have cracked the system. Their crimes generally go undetected by the parents of their victims until the damage is done, and if offenders are caught, their sentences generally last no more than two years. Only pedophiles who murder a child (2 in 10,000) receive enough press coverage to rally community action.
While President George W Bush was governor of Texas, he supported legislative proposal to castrate pedophiles. The propose itself is a myth, drawn with good intentions, it fails to address the issue head-on. Nor does castration remove "the hands" that molest a boy or girl... (then Governor) Bush commented for this article that rape was a "Woman thing," and he would be dropping financial support to keep the month of April, Sexual Assault Awareness Month, in Texas. (This program was initiated by former Gov. Anne Richards, at a state cost of $150,000.)
What we need for our children is an environment that ends the cycle of abuse; and embraces a boy who has the courage to tell of his rape. There is no mental cure for pedophiles. Victims can emerge victorious. We must believe a boy who tells, and support him, and not make him responsible for holding the burden of the adult act. Being molested is not what a boy wants. Even though it is out of his control, he all too often is the only person who pays.
Jeffrey Allen Miller was Director of National Rape Awareness Day, 24 April, 1994-1996
Dana Wilson
Sherman, TX
"My son was molested by our neighbor and I'm sorry to say my husband and I didn't handle it well. If I only knew then what I know today, I'd have been a better mother. If any other parents read this and think their son will forget what happened, you are dead wrong. We thought he was doing ok and it wasn't until after his suicide that we found a diary that he'd kept for two years. He struggled with his sexuality after his molest, it seems like, every day in his journal and yet never talked to us about it. His biggest fear was being gay, and no one told us or him that being molested doesn't mean it changes your sexual identity. Thank you for being outspoken. I hope your story reaches other parents before they have to understand what killed their son."
Castration doesn't work. In discussing this with my therapist, she brought up the case of someone she worked with while a counselor in a prison who volunteered for castration, but continued to be a child molestor afterwards via "other means". Life is the only way to keep these people away from the public.
Shows you how screwed-up of a system we have when someone will get years for possessing a joint but only months for rape. But that statement there can open up a whole different Pandora's Box....
Sad but true--these b*stards know how to utilize the value of trust to their sick benefit.
I second that. Unbelievably evil. The depths to which they stoop never cease to amaze and their new initiatives and ideas (barf) would make the devil himself blush. The depravity. And yet, they thrive as a group with all the protections and 'rights' of our society, complete with their own magazine and mailing lists and websites, each more criminal than the other (I've heard, I don't go there). It never ceases to amaze me that they manage to stay open and public and remain out of jail, and have supporters outside their membership. I am speechless that the powers that be in our nation allow them to continue on in their depravity.
I doubt it, but then I keep seeing those Cialis commercials with their medical warnings...
Useing old rope I hope.
My first thought too!
This is foolish and dangerous thinking.
The preist who tried to anally rape mne at 14 got me very drunk first, then when I ran away, he tackled me to the ground and was spreading my legs.
Violent and forcible.
I got away by stealing his car, or I'd have been toast.
This blame the victim mentallity is f*n sick.
If you had half a brain you would not make such assinine blanket statements.
Hang the sickos.
All of them.
Exactly.
If something ever happened to either of my children, it would be the hardest thing in the world for me to NOT hunt the slime down and make him (or her) suck on the cold steel barrel of my .45ACP.
Not according to the ACLU. Are we shocked?
I quetion the 1 in 5. Not to detract for the evil of homoseuals abusing boys.
But I have suspicions of an unsourced, unlinked article.
It seems to be pushing the "not their fault because the are a victim first" concept. Forgive the adult abuser because they were abused. (forgive the child who kills his mother and father because he/she is now an orphan.)
Pedophiles can be homosexual or hetrosexual, they can be men or women, they can prey on boys or girls. And making blanket statements like your's above shows you do not understand this fact.
That's simply preposterous.
More nausea:
Homosexual Manifesto - AN ESSAY ON THE HOMOSEXUAL REVOLUTION Authored by Michael Swift Presented for info by the PhilFam Committee 10 June 1998:
"We shall sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of you shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas, in your seminaries, in your youth groups, in your movie theater bathrooms, in your army bunkhouses, in your truck stops, in your all-male clubs, in your houses of Congress, wherever men are with men together. Your sons shall become our minions and do our bidding. They will be recast in our image. They will come to crave and adore us.”
Male on male sexual behavior is homosexual conduct. period. regardless of age.
The homo appologists, the msm and the homosexuals may not like that inconvenient fact but tough.
So what do you call it when a female teacher molests a boy?
a felony crime.
Is this piece of human garbage still wasting valuable oxygen?
And can you provide a link to the SOB's rape-speech?
This a prime example of a person in need of a rope.
Amen. The American Psychiatric Association, however, is doing all they can to obscure the obvious fact you state.
Of what classification?
BTTT
The ACLU is unbelievably evil!
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