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Man commits suicide after learning Harry Potter spoiler
http://www.jewishworldreview.com ^
| Andy Borowitz
Posted on 07/08/2005 7:50:05 AM PDT by manny613
A rabid Harry Potter fan took his life yesterday after inadvertently learning a plot spoiler from the soon-to-be-released J.K. Rowling opus, "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."
Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live."
(Excerpt) Read more at jewishworldreview.com ...
TOPICS: News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: 10acrebutt; idiot; onlyajokefolks; satire
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Not too funny after London yesterday,eh? But I had to post some relief-too much seriousness.
1
posted on
07/08/2005 7:50:06 AM PDT
by
manny613
To: manny613
But it will happen don't you know?
2
posted on
07/08/2005 7:51:18 AM PDT
by
dts32041
( Dear Senator Durbin, I am not an Illinois Nazi. (US ARMY RET))
To: manny613
Jude Ralston, 32, of Hudson, Ohio left a suicide note indicating that since overhearing the plot spoiler at a shopping mall earlier in the day, "I no longer have a reason to live." At least he was right about that.
3
posted on
07/08/2005 7:51:31 AM PDT
by
mlo
To: manny613
Urban legend? If not, Darwin award winner?
To: manny613
Boy, some people really take their Harry Potter seriously!
5
posted on
07/08/2005 7:51:36 AM PDT
by
LIConFem
(A fronte praecipitium, a tergo lupi.)
To: manny613
Is there an intentional category for a Darwin Award?
6
posted on
07/08/2005 7:51:54 AM PDT
by
cripplecreek
(I zot trolls for fun and profit.)
To: manny613
7
posted on
07/08/2005 7:52:08 AM PDT
by
TheBigB
(** FOX NEWS ALERT: Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery THIS HAS BEEN A FOX NEWS ALERT **)
To: manny613
8
posted on
07/08/2005 7:53:09 AM PDT
by
trisham
("Live Free or Die," General John Stark, July 31, 1809)
To: manny613
You know I remember seeing people dress up for the Harry Potter movies in Lexington, Ky. These adults (yes, adults)were sporting capes and wands. It was too funny! I remember laughing at them to their face. I guess that was a tad mean, but it just amused me so much.
9
posted on
07/08/2005 7:53:10 AM PDT
by
Reagan79
(Ralph Stanley Rocks!)
To: manny613
10
posted on
07/08/2005 7:53:55 AM PDT
by
stm
To: manny613
Sounds like he took a life he never had.
11
posted on
07/08/2005 7:54:47 AM PDT
by
TheForceOfOne
(My tagline snapped the last time the MSM blew smoke up my ass. Now its gone forever.)
To: manny613
Nah...it really went like this:
Jude was very curious about the Harry Potter novel so he went to a realiable source to learn the plot and conclusion. He simply could not wait for the book to come out.
The source spilled it and then said "I've told you; now I'm going to have to kill you."
So the source killed him.
This whole suicide thing is just a big cover-up. A conspiracy, I tell ya!
12
posted on
07/08/2005 7:54:48 AM PDT
by
Allegra
(On the Rocks With Salt, Please...)
To: manny613
Hocus Pocus, Idiot Croakus.
13
posted on
07/08/2005 7:55:23 AM PDT
by
Sax
To: Cousin Eddie
Urban legend? If not, Darwin award winner?No, just satire from Borowitz
To: Reagan79
Have you seen the clip of Triumph the Insult Dog at some Star Wars premiere? That's funny.
To: manny613
Yo, Jude,
OUT OF THE GENE POOL ...
Thank you for your prompt response to this request
16
posted on
07/08/2005 7:55:47 AM PDT
by
tx_eggman
(Does it hurt when they shear your wool off?)
To: manny613
Ms. Clovis said that she hoped Mr. Ralston's death would cause federal authorities to tighten the flow of Harry Potter plot information to prevent similar tragedies from taking place.I read this full story KNOWING at some point in it, a relative would demand the government step in and do *something*. Am I psychic or what?
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude's life, even if he didn't have one," she said.
"Never underestimate the power of denial."
To: Allegra
Oh...and he also went to a
reliable source.
My typing sucks.
;-)
18
posted on
07/08/2005 7:56:16 AM PDT
by
Allegra
(On the Rocks With Salt, Please...)
To: Reagan79
Once on a bet I dressed as Captain Hook, when it was playing in a theater near me.
As it turned out I was late for the movie, and walked down the aisle while it was playing. Half a dozen kids wondered if it was part of the movie. The parents seemed to get a hoot out of it.
19
posted on
07/08/2005 7:56:53 AM PDT
by
mware
("God is dead" -- Nietzsche........ "Nope, you are"-- GOD)
To: manny613
"In my heart I believe that could have saved Jude's life, even if he didn't have one," she said. Indeed.
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