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Why Women Must Change Too if we are to Rescue Marriage
The Financial Times ^
| July 5, 2005
| Richard Tomkins
Posted on 07/05/2005 5:31:57 AM PDT by Bon mots
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To: Mulch
You have been watching too many 1950's TV shows.
81
posted on
07/05/2005 7:26:06 AM PDT
by
SandyB
To: chris1
Yep, and now that she sees that your market value has increased, you are more desirable to her.
82
posted on
07/05/2005 7:26:31 AM PDT
by
AmishDude
(Once you go black hat, you never go back.)
To: A Ruckus of Dogs
My husband is 13 years older than I am-- 59 to my 46-- and it wouldn't surprise me at all if he outlives me. He's strong as an ox and his father is close to 90. I can assure you a woman doesn't have to worry about an older husband who keeps himself fit. Of course, if he's going to sit around in the Lazy-Boy eating junk food, that's another story.
That's a character issue, though, and character is ALWAYS of the first importance.
83
posted on
07/05/2005 7:27:45 AM PDT
by
walden
To: Conservatrix
Perhaps some men really ARE those things, then treating as IF they are is irrelevant. That list describes my soon-to-be ex. Except he ommited some other adjectives, such as "sociopathic, abusive, irresponsible, cruel, substance-addicted, mentally ill."What made you select him in the first place?
That question is best read as rhetorical.
84
posted on
07/05/2005 7:27:59 AM PDT
by
AmishDude
(Once you go black hat, you never go back.)
To: Mulch
This MIGHT work if you have no children. Add another 40 - 50 hours of work if you do.
85
posted on
07/05/2005 7:28:06 AM PDT
by
SuzyQue
(Remember to think.)
To: Conservatrix
You can't deny mens' biology. To do so is pure folly and a losing battle.
86
posted on
07/05/2005 7:28:11 AM PDT
by
chris1
("Make the other guy die for his country" - George S. Patton Jr.)
To: highball
That's a clever line but you seem to have inadvertently switched the sexes, given that the "bulk of divorces" are instigated by women.I've switched nothing, and yes women file 2/3rds of the time...that's an unrelated issue. Many women rent a guy for a few years, then purposely become an intolerable overweight anchor, one day announce they're bored and steal half his estate, future income, and retirement. Then they get thin again and start over. In the real world many would consider this theft by deception.
To: softwarecreator; Rca2000
You got it exactly right. My kids are in the age range of 20 to 11 and it seems like every 3 out of 5 of their classmates (mostly the boys) are either gay or it won't take much to convince them to switch sides. When I was their age there was maybe 1 out of 100 that was a "bit strange" but now ... woah. I went into a store the other day and all five of the "male" employees were totally flaming!
What is going on???
I think feminism (thanks RCA2000 for putting it so succintly altough I wondered the same thing myself but couldn't quite get me thoughts down) is a huge part in the upsurge of homosexuality and lesbianism. I think the feminist movement, as defined from 1966 onwards with the rise of the radicals have made both sides aloof and afraid of each other as well as add a lot of vitriol to the picture. Add to that the rise of selfish individualism, i.e., "what's in it for me and me only," you get crap like this. There are many men out there hurt by women who either go on a "marriage strike" as we have seen links here about it or "turn homosexual." The same is true of some women who might "turn lesbian." Men and women, well, all or most humans are on the quest for love and companionship fro mthe opposite sex, life long. I know it isn't perfect and even before feminism, it was an imperfect process but then again, nothing is perfect but the system did work well enough to get us to where we are today, well, until the last 40 years. Getting back to what I was sying, when a man is rejected time and time again while seeking the love of a woman, if he has a weak moment, Satan could enter his mind, depression, and/or whatever comes along and he could just end up seeking the same love and companionship from men (same is true for women). Nautre abhores a vacuum and if the desire for that is so strong, something will come along and fill it so you have lesbians and homosexuals created as a result of the way society is headed. This doesn't work, just look at the problems it creates.
Although there is a huge part of this to what we have today is the "law of unintended consequences" but there is another school of thought that it "is all part of the big plan" and I believe that too. I'm really convinced that if society doesn't get its act together, we will go the way of Sodom and Gommorah, either by the Hand of God or by ourselves, either by an atomic war against radical Islam, Red China, whatever or we will just wimper out through decay. A side of my does say because of where we are headed, we do deserve it, but a lot of innocent folks will be hurt by that. Let's just say, we need to keep fighting for what is right and whatever, happens will happen but we need to try to turn things around.
Speaking of weak moments, I can see why movements like radical Islam can affect some, I mean if I didn't know any better to where I have God in my heart, Islam would appeal to someone like me who is sick and tired of the open support of immorality, smut and selfishness that has been in our society since the 1960's. Sorry to go "Michael Savage" here, but in some ways, we are feeding them, Islam, ammunition against us with things like homosexual marriage, "Hollyweird," and so on. Of course, Islam has a huge credibility gap when it comes to morality, I mean flying planes into buildings, well, you get the idea, but we do have a significant, but smaller gap of our own too.
88
posted on
07/05/2005 7:28:57 AM PDT
by
Nowhere Man
(Lutheran, Conservative, Neo-Victorian/Edwardian, Michael Savage in '08! - DeCAFTA-nate CAFTA!)
To: Aquinasfan
I'll bet it's higher then 50% that think of it as giving up freedom.
You sound like my husband, he wanted a family and kids. He didn't view it as a sacrafice, thank goodness.
It's a sad world when people can only see the things they had to "give up" to have kids rather then the things they gained.
Becky
89
posted on
07/05/2005 7:29:52 AM PDT
by
PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain
(Don't be afraid to try: Remember, the ark was built by amateur's, and the Titanic by professionals.)
To: Brilliant; All
"The traditional family structure is just not compatible with a society in which every woman works in the market place."
While I agree with you, how do we reverse the trend of the current generation of men that want it all and want it now (McMansion, two or more cars, kids, electronic gadgetry) that require two incomes to support? You can't possibly blame the "wants" of one sex on the other. Granted, women can be willing accomplices in the "gimmies" but unless you marry someone that lives simply in the first place, how do couples get around the Two Income Trap?
It's taken me nearly 10 years to rein in my husband's spending. Whereas I can live on little, he is one of those "it's only money, I'll make more" types.
My solution was getting my own financial house in order, cutting up my credit cards, paying off my car; basically being debt-free myself then dropping out as an "income source" for all of his stuff.
Harsh? Yes. Eye-opener? Yes. Was I initially guilty of being a "spending enabler" to my husband? Yes. Did it work for us? Yes.
I've never relied upon anyone else's income to support me, nor will I ever unless I'm disabled in some way. I worked at least part time when my boys were small. They turned out fine. Two are college bound, one is finishing high school.
Kind of OT from the article, but the important point in my rambling is to not let the "wants" of your spouse jeopardize your own financial well-being, or the bottom line of the family as a whole. Learning the fine art of Money Management can go a long way towards keeping a marriage together, one income or two.
90
posted on
07/05/2005 7:31:02 AM PDT
by
Diana in Wisconsin
(Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
To: Bon mots
One sign of hope for marriage --- just one, but it's a biggie --- is the homeschooling movement, now about a million families strong in the USA. Homeschooling families tend to:
- empower Mom to commit herself to more home-centered activities
- encourage the welcoming of new babies as they arrive
- make it possible for kids to see the home as a true center of activity, a "place where things happen," and not just a dormitory and a "place where you keep your stuff"
- be more committed to the long haul
- protect kids from the corrosive anti-family ideology of the larger culture
Most (but not all) homeschoolers are notably devoted to the practice of religious faith; and faith provides a metastory, a framework, in which the virtues of marriage and family make sense. More religious devotion = more marriage. Less religious devotion = less marriage. It's not true in every case, but overall, it's a solid sociological fact.
And why do we WANT to have a marriage norm: more people married, and in strong, durable, function-rich marriages?
Because it's pleasing to God and good for people. It helps you become mature, wise, unselfish, healthy, and happy. And it produces the kind of children we think are delightful, the kind of teens we think are hopeful, the kind of people-on-the-street and people-in-the-neighborhood and people-at-the-workplace we rely on to be sane and stable. The bricks. And without marriage and family--- without the bricks --- societies collapse.
91
posted on
07/05/2005 7:31:21 AM PDT
by
Mrs. Don-o
(Credo --- in Unam, Sanctam, Catholicam et Apostolicam Ecclesiam)
To: AmishDude
What made you select him in the first place? We all make poor choices sometimes, this was one of the poorest I ever made. I have reaped many horrible consequences of that fateful decision. I am just now trying to regain what I have left of my life and love on. I am not sure what I can salvage but I hope I can.
92
posted on
07/05/2005 7:31:32 AM PDT
by
Conservatrix
("He who stands for nothing will fall for anything.")
To: T. Jefferson
Sure, but just as many men land a woman and let themselves go to heck.
There's no way to limit this sort of lousy behavior to only one sex.
93
posted on
07/05/2005 7:31:51 AM PDT
by
highball
("I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have." -- Thomas Jefferson)
To: SandyB
I think you will probably be right in your expectations - when the man is able to carry their "fetus" to term on his liver.
Seriously, I don't think your vision of the future is ever going to come to pass because it flies in the face of reality. The "equal" women you are looking forward to won't have any children. This is already happening. They are being replaced, by nature, by women who will raise many children.
To: Kelly_2000
You did come close though.........:-) As a parent, you can relate to mother bears. 8-)
95
posted on
07/05/2005 7:33:22 AM PDT
by
Aquinasfan
(Isaiah 22:22, Rev 3:7, Mat 16:19)
To: Brilliant
96
posted on
07/05/2005 7:34:05 AM PDT
by
oceanperch
(Oregon Coast Rocks. Pride of the Pacific Northwest.)
To: Conservatrix
It sounds like he was a terrible choice, but since you chose to respond, it's very important to answer the question. Why did you select him?
97
posted on
07/05/2005 7:36:54 AM PDT
by
AmishDude
(Once you go black hat, you never go back.)
To: PayNoAttentionManBehindCurtain
#28....but that's
exactly what my husband's sister & her husband said.....
they didn't want to make the sacrifice!And it is a sacrifice.....of time, effort, money, care, etc.
A willing sacrifice, I might add, if one's heart is truly motivated to bring & nurture new life into this world.
My sil & hubby didn't.....they wanted all the time for themselves and their hedonistic activities.
But they are honest enough to admit it.
Maintaining and pursuing a good marriage is sacrifice too!
Sacrifice & compromise from both partners.
But it can work.....and like anything that's worthy....it takes trial & error, lots of forgiveness and IMO, a good Biblical foundation.
To: Diana in Wisconsin
"While I agree with you, how do we reverse the trend of the current generation of men that want it all and want it now (McMansion, two or more cars, kids, electronic gadgetry) that require two incomes to support? You can't possibly blame the "wants" of one sex on the other. Granted, women can be willing accomplices in the "gimmies" but unless you marry someone that lives simply in the first place, how do couples get around the Two Income Trap? " it is a fair point you make there
99
posted on
07/05/2005 7:38:35 AM PDT
by
Kelly_2000
(Because they stand on a wall and say nothing is going to hurt you tonight. Not on my watch)
To: Aquinasfan
100
posted on
07/05/2005 7:39:41 AM PDT
by
Kelly_2000
(Because they stand on a wall and say nothing is going to hurt you tonight. Not on my watch)
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