Posted on 06/23/2005 5:39:01 AM PDT by Tumbleweed_Connection
"Why do people act that way?" a young Delta Airlines stewardess recently asked in astonishment as an underground shuttle scooted among terminals at Georgia's Hartsfield Airport.
"It's manners," an older, exasperated colleague replied. "Most people aren't taught any."
Who knows what outrages they endured that day at 35,000 feet. Serving hundreds of regular people daily, it could be anything.
On a recent flight from La Guardia to Atlanta en route to New Orleans, a young father prepared to change his baby son's diaper on the empty window seat beside his own spot on the aisle. After another horrified passenger and I objected, the tot's mother addressed the infant's biological needs in the appropriate place — the lavatory. She looked disturbed that anyone would oppose the sanitary affront her husband attempted.
The ongoing collapse of courtesy is no surprise in a nation with so many people who are as self-absorbed as black holes. Consider this T-shirt I've spotted: "It's all about me deal with it."
As a consumer of opinion journalism, you likely are refined and well-mannered. If not, or you wish to help someone seemingly reared by pigeons, follow these twelve small steps toward a more polite America.
1) We can hear you now. Even if your party cannot understand your cellular call, those around you often cannot escape your every word. What you ate for lunch and where you are standing right now is far less interesting to them than to you, so restrain your voice. Or better yet, stay off your phone when surrounded by others.
2) Excellent venues to disable cell phones include restaurants, theaters, and funerals, the last four of which I attended were interrupted by mobile phones. Also, there is nothing quite like being in a restroom while a stranger screams his life story into a handheld device. For tips on cellular etiquette, see here.
3) Except for Dionne Warwick, we are not psychic. So, use your car's turn signals. This beats startling nearby drivers by suddenly steering several tons of steel into their paths. Likewise, turning a corner without signaling makes people waste time waiting for you to cross an intersection you never intended to. Conveniently enough, motor vehicles typically include blinkers.
4) Push in your seat when leaving tables in restaurants, libraries, and conference rooms. Abandoning your chair or barstool in the middle of a path obstructs those who walk by after you depart.
5) Before exiting a bathroom, close the toilet — lid and all. Leaving the lid or seat up makes the next guest contemplate whether you stood or sat during your visit. Spare him or her that imagery.
6) It remains civilized to hold open the door for someone who is walking a few steps behind you. Letting the door slam in his face is rude. When someone opens a door for you, say "thank you." Muttering "Excuse me" makes a gracious person feel his thoughtfulness is abusive. Walking by and saying nothing, as if that lady or gentleman were your servant or simply invisible, is vulgar.
7) "Please" and "thank you" are not vulgarities. Use them generously, especially around children. They need to learn two of the language's finest words, even if adults say them less than they should.
8) "RSVP" means, "Tell those who have invited you to an event whether you will attend." They will welcome your "yes" or regret but appreciate your "no." Not replying leaves them perplexed, unclear of how many guests to anticipate, and miffed if you eventually arrive unexpectedly.
9) Thank you notes, e-mails, and phone calls are appropriate when someone has given you a present, meal, or significant favor. Not even acknowledging a Christmas gift, in contrast, is particularly boorish.
10) Always leave your phone number with your phone messages. Let people simply jot down your number rather than drop everything to look it up.
11) Control your kids. It's not cute to let children run amuck on airplanes, kick the backs of people's seats, and holler uncontrollably. Teach your children to restrain themselves in public rather than terrorize grown-ups.
12) Trash cans are there for a reason. Use them. Customer work areas at Kinko's copy shops often resemble an explosion at a paper factory. A major airline's east coast shuttle lounge in Washington, D.C.'s Reagan National Airport — gateway for learned attorneys, lobbyists, journalists, and members of Congress — recently almost suffocated beneath whole sections and loose pages of various newspapers. They were strewn across the floor and on many seats. These literate adults apparently did not have their mommies on hand to locate the ubiquitous, neglected garbage bins.
The point of all this is not necessarily to turn every American man and woman, respectively, into Cary Grant and Grace Kelly, though we could do worse. The idea is to encourage each of us — every day, in tiny ways — to subtract from, rather than add to, the worries of an impolite world.
"I once had to sit next to Grace Kelly on a plane. She grabbed my coffee mug and used it as a spit can for her chewing tobacco.... Okay, not really."
Jack Handey would be proud! Very funny!
"This persons list of rude things starts with cellular telephone use, as if talking on your cell phone in public is the rudest thing you can do. I do not agree. Talking loud, whether to your companion OR on your cell phone can be distracting to those around you but it is not nearly #1 in rudeness. I find any of the other things listed to be more rude than a cell phone conversation. Not turning your cell phone off in church or movies IS bad and allowing it to ring there should NEVER happen."
True, and I agree that there are times when cell phones should always be off, like the example you gave. However, there are some "cell-phone-nazis" out there where if they can hear you talk on your cell phone at all they act like you just walked up and slapped them across the face. (not saying that's here on FR, but they're out there) Granted, it's annoying to hear someone gabbing loudly on the cell phone, but still it's a convenience we have because we want the flexibilty.
For example, if my girlfriend sends me to the store for some item, I am standing in the aisle where that item is stocked, and I make a call from there with a question about what type/flavor/color I should get, or if I call home from inside the store to ask "rice or mashed potatoes with dinner?", etc.. get over it! I'll keep it short if I can, you're not gonna die.
This is why we have cell phones, it's tremendous convenience. Just wait until your car breaks down on the side of the road without one.
"Likewise, turning a corner without signaling makes people waste time waiting for you to cross an intersection you never intended to. "
This has always been one of the dumbest driver ideas ever.
People think that with an approaching vehicle having its blinker on they can move out in front of the blinking vehicle. Of course, that vehicle may not be turning and simply left their blinker on. Waiting another 2 seconds to find out if the vehicle is actually turning is the smart move. Darting out in front of that vehicle is a leading cause of accidents.
Hah. This one resonates with me!
Even my dear spouse is incorrigible with this one. I don't understand it.
Clicking on one's turn signal has to be one of the most effortless gestures --but one of the most important-- we ever have the opportunity to make in life. Why won't some people do it?
The worst thing is when someone at the head of the line at a red light doesn't turn on his left turn signal until AFTER the light changes green. By that time you've already pulled up behind him, assuming he's going straight. And you're stuck there unless you choose to risk life and limb, trying to get around him.
"I shouldn't be able to hear your car stereo in my HOUSE!!"
In Colorado, it is called, "disturbing the peace. " I have called the cops more than once on that one and the judges aren't kind.
>>>What in the world would lead somebody to think something like that, much less say it?>>>
By teaching them they are are not 'equals' and instills a 'low self esteem'.
I say until they can feed, cloth and keep themselves alive, they are not equals.
"I say until they can feed, cloth and keep themselves alive, they are not equals."
There it is. You earn your way to equality.
Truer words never spoken, my friend. =)
What a lame waste.
She's supposed to be at 'the other store', with a duplicate list, so you can compare non-advertised prices, and mutually scratch items off the list. That way, you don't duplicate AND you get the best prices.
Sheesh; gotta tell some people how to do everything....
Talking on the cell in public is like speeding: It's not how fast you go, but how you go fast that counts.
Loud & rude is loud & rude, whether it is on the cell, or to the person with you. Nobody gets upset about quiet table conversation, but let the same quiet converstation be on a cell phone, and everybody from waiters to the chef, to the other diners come unglued, when it should be an MYOB moment.
I must add to the list: When stopping and looking at stuff in the grocery store, move your cart to the side of the aisle! And you rear end.
Good post. Some comments:
1) Regarding doorways. If I had a dollar for every time a woman let a building door shut in my face I could retire. I've found that many men will hold doors but too many women can't be bothered. Just a general comment.
Last Sunday my family took me to lunch for Father's Day and as we left, a very elderly couple was walking in front of us. My son immediately skipped past the woman, who looked at him like he had two heads at first (but it was a wide hallway so he wasn't intruding). He then opened the door to the restaurant for them. Their expressions changed quite quickly.
2) Regarding politeness. My son knows that when we are in public, especially in restaurants, if he doesn't say please and thank you he's got an issue with me. As a result, he is a most polite boy :)
3) Regarding phone numbers. Say them slowly. Say them twice if you need to. Too many people leave messages saying "HithisisBobpleasecallmebackat8675309." Sometimes, especially on messages received from cell phones, it is hard to hear what is being said.
You must have done this back when you were a Dem. :)
It was sex with someone I truly love.... ;O)
Was that you on Delta flight 432 last Thursday?
I was going to make a comment about Delta's, but I think I'd better pass....
I've changed 4 diapers on airplanes. 1) In the lavatory. On the toilet because the tiny little lav didn't have a changing table. 2) On the spare seat (with a pad) beside me. 3) On the only flat covered surface the stewardess could find. Her bench that she and her co-workers used. I was very polite and used three extra wipes to clean the seat. 4) Because someone objected to it in the spare seat beside me, someone else complained that I couldn't use the stewardess' bench/seat (smaller plane, seat, not a bench that time), and two people were in both the lavs and he was screaming bloody murder, I changed his poopy diaper on the floor in the aisle. I wrapped it up in two bags and the stewardess disposed as if toxic waste.
I was applauded that time because a) I got the screaming baby to stop crying, and b) I let my wife continue to nap while I did it.
See, us guys can change them too. I've taken many a resturaunt manager to task for not having changing tables in the restrooms for men. I took the management at RDU to task for not having them at RDU the first time we flew with our oldest son.
Paul
Old joke...
Army man, Navy man, Marine all walk into the restroom about the same time. Each takes a urinal. The marine uses both hands and proceeds to do his business. The Army man does his business with one hand behind his back. The Navy man stands there, with both hands behind his back. As they finish up, the Marine walks over and washes his hands. The Army man says to him "Both hands?" The Marine says "We do it with precision." The Army man says "We do ours with style." The Navy man starts to walk out without washing his hands. The other two stop him. He turns and says "In the Navy, we don't go on our hands."
Paul
All of our planes have changing tables, something
I frequently need to remind our passengers.
I particularly like it when collecting trash
and someone tries to hand me a soggy diaper.
And I love babies! Just wish their parents
were a bit more considerate.
People have gotten far too frightened of each other. We've been gradually seduced into believing the worst about each other -- therefore, TAKE.
Asking those around you, on a plane, if they would or wouldn't object to your changing your baby's nappy -- respects them. And if they say "NO" -- you go to step 2 which involves finding another place to change baby's diaper.
THESE ARE AMERICANS, our fellow citizens -- the most CHARITABLE people in the world!
IMO experience, I found wonderful people all over the place happy to help; willing to accommodate "my situation".
STalled car, rush hour? I got out to the people stuck behind me and apologized for impeding their progress. They jumped out, and not only helped me move my car to the side of the road; some stayed with me as "protection" until a tow truck arrived. START TALKING TO PEOPLE. STOP PRESUMING. That's what civility and good manners do -- it acknowledges that people are alive; and not just mere "dolts" or "human blobs" in our "shared space".
Has abortion taught us to view each other this way? Crime? Broken hearts? Feelings of rejection? Be Brave! (Be cautious and careful, certainly). DARE TO TREAT OTHERS WITH RESPECT AND COURTESY. If you are treated ill, turn the other cheek, and MOVE ON! There are MILLIONS of caring and wonderful citizens, right there, all around you.
I'm with you on this one. I have changed diapers in the airplane lavatory and the only place you can lay the baby is on your lap. Those lavatories don't have room for an adult with a wiggling child on their lap and a diaper bag.
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