A ludicrous assertion, which makes the rest of your post not even worth addressing.
Really, a ridiculous assertion
Of the taxes we pay, who gets the majority of any money...
The federal government via the income tax. So, what you propose is to eliminate the income tax, and institute a national sales tax, and if a state opts out it, they don't get revenue.
Well, let's follow this line of reasoning, all taxes are sales tax, there are no income taxes, estate taxes, et al, all sales.
So, let's suppose a state, in seeing this makes the decision, I can impose this tax burden, be eligible for federal money, but I have to give a cut to the federal government, or... I can impose the same burden but not give it to the feds, I will have enough money to pay for everything in state, I won't need federal money.