Posted on 05/08/2005 6:55:16 PM PDT by F14 Pilot
SALT LAKE CITY - Meanness in girls can start when they still are toddlers, a Brigham Young University study found. It found that girls as young as 3 or 4 will use manipulation and peer pressure to get what they want.
"It could range from leaving someone out to telling their friends not to play with someone to saying, 'I'm not going to invite you to my birthday party,'" said Craig Hart, study co-author and professor of marriage, family and human development at BYU. "Some kids are really adept at being mean and nasty."
They regularly exclude others and threaten to withdraw friendship when they don't get their way.
The "mean girls" are highly liked by some and strongly disliked by others. They are socially skilled and popular but can be manipulative and subversive if necessary. They are feared as well as respected.
The study is the first to link relational aggression and social status in preschoolers. It appears in the current issue of the journal Early Education and Development. David Nelson and Clyde Robinson of BYU are the other authors.
Researchers have long known that adolescents, particularly girls, engage in this sort of behavior, called relational aggression, to maintain their social status.
In fact, a number of books and movies have come out recently exploring this phenomenon, including the best-selling "Queen Bees and Wannabes" and the movie "Mean Girls."
"But it is striking that these aggressive strategies are already apparent ... in preschool," Nelson said. "Preschoolers appear to be more sophisticated in their knowledge of social behaviors than credit is typically given them."
Hart said other research has found that about 17 percent to 20 percent of preschool and school-age girls display such behavior. It also shows up in boys, but much less frequently.
"The typical mantra is that boys are more aggressive than girls, but in the last decade we've learned that girls can be just as aggressive as boys, just in different ways," he said.
The researchers asked 328 preschool children to rate their peers.
They asked which children were most likely to start fights, which were most popular and which were most physically aggressive_
The surveys found that even in preschool, a social hierarchy exists.
"You have popular kids, you have average kids, and you have kids (whom) others don't like to play with. Then there are some kids who just fly below the radar," Hart said.
Other research at BYU has shown that physically and relationally aggressive children are more likely to have parents who discipline with psychological control and manipulation, withdrawing love, avoiding eye contact and laying guilt trips on the kids.
"With relational aggression, we are early on in trying to tease apart these relationships," Hart said.
One thing researchers do know is that childhood slights can have lasting impacts.
Hart said the study may help teachers and parents key into relational aggression and the psychological and emotional trauma it can cause. Just as they do with physical aggression, adults need to monitor such behavior and help children recognize the harm it can cause.
"We've done studies showing that reasoning with children, not just one time but taking lots of opportunities to reason with them about how their behavior is affecting others, can help diminish it," Hart said.
That's a very different thing from what this study is about. This study concerns the vicious attacks that girls make on one another, ganging up and ostracizing one or two girls with great cruelty. They will walk along as a group, look at the victim child, and burst into absolutely unprovoked, contemptuous laughter, as if she were in some way ridiculous, so that she wonders constantly what's wrong. They will deride her clothes, shoes, hair, home, parents. They'll tell her tauntingly that she can't be at the party, on the team, in the school play. They'll pretend that she has some terrible body odor. They'll start rumors about her sexual behavior--when they're all seven! They'll make up ludicrous stories, cut out girls who try to be kind to the unfortunate one, steal her possessions or her homework, make up accusatory stories to tell to authority figures, and in general make the victim's life a hell. And they do this for no reason that they can identify. If asked, they will just shrug and smile.
I've seen this myself so very many times. It's an ugly, amazing, sickening phenomenon. It teaches the victim nothing except that cruelty can be truly pointless, and yes, contrary to what you may believe, reports are that it can be genuinely traumatizing, damaging self-image and generating insecurities for a lifetime.
That late?
"Study: Meanness in Girls Can Start at 3, But Boys are Born With It."
Ok, now read the article:
"Hart said other research has found that about 17 percent to 20 percent of preschool and school-age girls display such behavior. It also shows up in boys, but much less frequently."
Or Senators from NY.
" Issues? No...grin...I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. Frankly, kids of all genders learn what they are taught. I equate this emphasis with the "boys will be boys" blarney one hears when a little boy gets away with shenanigans."
No, you DO have issues. The "boys will be boys" saying is a DESCRIPTIVE adage, and in no way should [and never has] implied that bad behavior should be excused.
Example: boy in classroom looking out the window and daydreaming. Yep, boys will be boys. Now rap on the desk with a ruler to get his attention, and tell him firmly to snap out of it.
You apparently have been seduced by the feminist mantra that society in years past has suppressed females and advantaged males; nothing could be further from the truth. When I was a boy, Mom ruled the roost [not that Dad was unimportant, but home was Mom's domain].
Awww geez... you certainly have no clue about me. I'm about as far from a feminist as a female can get. Read my post #19....
There are other studies if you really want to get into it. This is only one and not a definitive one at that. We can get into the statistical analysis of the data, too. The point is, parents are ultimately responsible for the behavior of their children. Children learn this behavior by explicitly copying someone else, or they learn it implicity from the lack of teaching/discipline when they use it. Typically, boys have been physical with their aggression while girls resort to more manipulative means. If you want the articles to read, I'll be glad to share.
Peace.....
Further studies have shown that at around 27 or 28 they start to get really good at it!
Close.....it starts when we are able to make a fist. :)
Hi, Dan...tell these fellers I ain't no feminist! I was making a joke, and it wasn't meant to be a put-down!
Um...yeah, and what's your point? I have one older and three younger sisters and I figured this out over twenty years ago.
Oh yeah!
""Humbug! Children have always used "relational aggression" to teach each other what is and isn't socially acceptable. This behavior helps young children develop social skills that they will need in adolescence and adulthood. Kids say things like, "You're such a cry baby." or, "So and so can't tie his shoes." This doesn't traumatize for life, it motivates.""
I have to disagree, it's another form emotional blackmail. For example, "If you don't do things my way, I won't be your friend anymore," which just isn't very nice. And making fun of another child for not knowing how to tie his shoes is bullying. Bullying often does not motivate.
Boys in Middle School are vicious too.......... but I agree totally about girls - I just hate that whole age period -
The thing about boys is one will get angry with the other, they will fight and then it's over.
Girls will play mind games. You get a group of teenage girls who decide to gang up on another and all hell breaks loose. They can literally drive that other girl to suicide.
""The point is, parents are ultimately responsible for the behavior of their children. Children learn this behavior by explicitly copying someone else, or they learn it implicity from the lack of teaching/discipline when they use it.""
It's actually nature and nurture. While children can learn certain behavor from their parents, we are all born different. If you have siblings, ask your mother who was the best baby and who was the worst. Even babies have different personalities. It's both.
I have siblings, I have daughters, I have a lot of experience with children. I agree with you TO A POINT. However, it is not all innate. You and I are both right, to a point. It's not exclusively either way, though.
Perzactly.
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