The guidelines he wrote reflect how his mother actually raised him? You would support raising a child this way? Really? 
Posted on 05/08/2005 5:59:51 AM PDT by SJackson
I am not a perfect mother. No mother is. But since my son's death I have had to forgive myself for the things I could have done better, or differently, with Koby. I wish I had had more patience with his messy room. I wish I had yelled less, expected less from him. Koby was 13 when he was murdered four years ago, on May 8, by terrorists. I will not be celebrating Mother's Day today but longing for him.
Koby was a boy who juggled with apples while taking bites from them. He was a boy who read 'Harry Potter' so many times he could recite the books, verse and line. He loved to tell jokes and make us laugh. Koby, at his young age, had tremendous wisdom. Here follows some of his parenting advice, written for the wholefamily.com Web site where I worked when he was in 7th grade.
– Sherri Mandell
If I were my parents, I would always stick up for my kid because if you don't, your kid begins to feel bad and thinks that you don't care about him. Anyway, your kid always needs somebody to stick up for him.
I would also let my kid wear whatever he wants and make his own decisions, because kids need freedom as much as parents do, if not more. I'm not saying you can let your kid do whatever he wants, but don't confine him, and let him make his own decisions.
I would also let him keep his room however he wants. But tell him to clean it once a week. If he doesn't want to clean it, don't make him, just close the door. Make sure that nobody cleans up for him.
Let him pick his own friends. If you don't like one of his friends, then tell him that. If he doesn't want to change his friends, tell him that you won't let the friend come in the house. But still don't take him away from his friends unless he's doing something really bad, like drugs.
GO OUT of your way for him but don't change your course. Which means you can go out of your way for him but don't cancel something important for yourself for something not so important for him. Like going to the mall or going to a friend's house.
Let him do what he wants, work with what he wants, and how he wants to work. Let him take as much time as he can. But that doesn't mean he can wait a week if you need something done now. Like bringing down the laundry or taking out the garbage.
School. Make a schedule together of when he's going to do his homework and projects, when and what he is going to do for after-school activities, and when he is going to eat dinner each day. And make sure to ask if he has homework and if he doesn't, ask him what subjects he had today and what he had to do in each one. That way he'll "remember" the homework better.
Have meetings with his teacher every other month to check how he's doing. If he's not doing that well, talk to him about it, but be gentle. Sometimes he's doing as good as he can.
Dinner. Dinner is one of the most important meals that you should have together at the same time, always with a full meal, including drinks, salad and a main course. And when the kids are good – dessert. During dinner, you should ask the kids how their day was, what they did, and what happened.
After dinner, you do not have to serve any more dinners, but you can serve snacks. After 9:30, the kitchen should close for you. But your kids can still go in and get whatever they want.
Chores. Everybody should get their share of chores and the parents should also do their share of chores. If the kids do their chores right for a week, give them a little prize or take them out for dinner.
Allowances. Kids should get allowances according to their age. Like you don't give a five-year-old a buck. But you do give an eight-year-old a buck. For every year, the kids' allowance should go up by at least a half a dollar. Start giving allowance (about a quarter) at the age of five. So kids can learn the value of a dollar. But they have to do chores for the money.
I don't view the opinions of a twelve year old as a road map for child rearing, rather reflective of the guidelines he was raised under. In that context, I don't see anything significant here I wouldn't be supportive of.
Consciencious parents do the best they can. If that is not enough in the child or society's eyes, I view it as the parents did whatever they did to survive an unknown future when they decided to have children. $hit happens and you have to get beyond it. At some point, the child has to sort out and accept that parents are not perfect--that they too will do the best they can and they too will NOT be perfect. The cards will fall where they may. Some kids you cannot ever satisy. I think they have a personal conviction as to what a parent SHOULD be and if the parent did not live up to 'their' expectation then it is the parent that is at fault.
The guidelines he wrote reflect how his mother actually raised him? You would support raising a child this way? Really?
Trout-Mouth -- I think they have a personal conviction as to what a parent SHOULD be and if the parent did not live up to 'their' expectation then it is the parent that is at fault.
When I was a teenager I saw an article in a magazine that I refused to read because I was oh-so-highly offended by the title.
But It's Your Fault If You Stay That Way.
That dang title has stuck with me for over forty years. It takes a while for some people to grow up and assume responsibility for themselves and their actions. My brother is now 58 and he still blames his problems on everybody else. :-)
Yea, it is hard to understand survival instinct so we don't surcome to the continued criticism and curl up in a ball is found in parents too.
Life is hard. The best teacher is experience and some parents are not really appreciated until their children have walked the walk AND they will each walk the SAME walk in one way or another. If lucky the parents will still alive so they can confess they NOW UNDERSTAND.
My biggest objection is that this says the parents should make sure they do their homework and pay them if they do chores, but other than that, parents should shut up and let the kid do what he/she wants.
I've read through the thread before posting.......I have to say I disagree with those saying this child did not have good parental guidance.
The way I read it, is he felt in some ways his parents didn't live up to what he wanted - IOW, probably too strict in the eyes of a 12 year old.
But that's just me.
The Child asked God, "They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?" "Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you."
The child further inquired, "But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy."
God said, "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy."
Again the child asked, "And how and I going to be able to understand when people talk to me I if don't know the language?"
God said, "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you the words."
"And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God said, "Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray."
"Who will protect me?"
God said, "Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life."
"But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God said "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, "God, if I am to leave you now please tell me my angel's name."
"You will simply call her "Mom."
"I wish I had yelled less, expected less from him."
I agree that "yelling" or "screaming" is not needed. It only shows the child YOU have lost control. I do neither and she KNOWS I AM IN CONTROL.
"Expected less from him" - how nice. I expect MORE and I get it. I require it. I don't want a dumbed down spoiled brat who is lazy and thinks others owe them something.
"How to create a spoiled brat."
You're kind. Other words come to mind ... .
Apparently the mother never grew up.
There are kids who want to be in rock bands when they grow up, there are those who want to join the Marines, army, navy, air force, become a doctor, maybe a football player. Each will have different goals in life. They will make decisions to help get them closer to this. Some decisions, like whether they want to do drugs or not, can be matter of what they want to be when they grow up. For example, a kid wanting to be a Marine after highschool could probably be given more responsibility than a kid wanting to be in a punk band.
imo
Not much of an angel then...
This was kind of a guide to what makes a good parent. If the parent is a drunk...then they are more than likely not a very good parent.
My children have also been raised with love, respect, and consideration. So far so good.
They are both in the gifted program, are well-mannered and considerate and welcome everywhere.
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