Posted on 05/08/2005 5:59:51 AM PDT by SJackson
I am not a perfect mother. No mother is. But since my son's death I have had to forgive myself for the things I could have done better, or differently, with Koby. I wish I had had more patience with his messy room. I wish I had yelled less, expected less from him. Koby was 13 when he was murdered four years ago, on May 8, by terrorists. I will not be celebrating Mother's Day today but longing for him.
Koby was a boy who juggled with apples while taking bites from them. He was a boy who read 'Harry Potter' so many times he could recite the books, verse and line. He loved to tell jokes and make us laugh. Koby, at his young age, had tremendous wisdom. Here follows some of his parenting advice, written for the wholefamily.com Web site where I worked when he was in 7th grade.
– Sherri Mandell
If I were my parents, I would always stick up for my kid because if you don't, your kid begins to feel bad and thinks that you don't care about him. Anyway, your kid always needs somebody to stick up for him.
I would also let my kid wear whatever he wants and make his own decisions, because kids need freedom as much as parents do, if not more. I'm not saying you can let your kid do whatever he wants, but don't confine him, and let him make his own decisions.
I would also let him keep his room however he wants. But tell him to clean it once a week. If he doesn't want to clean it, don't make him, just close the door. Make sure that nobody cleans up for him.
Let him pick his own friends. If you don't like one of his friends, then tell him that. If he doesn't want to change his friends, tell him that you won't let the friend come in the house. But still don't take him away from his friends unless he's doing something really bad, like drugs.
GO OUT of your way for him but don't change your course. Which means you can go out of your way for him but don't cancel something important for yourself for something not so important for him. Like going to the mall or going to a friend's house.
Let him do what he wants, work with what he wants, and how he wants to work. Let him take as much time as he can. But that doesn't mean he can wait a week if you need something done now. Like bringing down the laundry or taking out the garbage.
School. Make a schedule together of when he's going to do his homework and projects, when and what he is going to do for after-school activities, and when he is going to eat dinner each day. And make sure to ask if he has homework and if he doesn't, ask him what subjects he had today and what he had to do in each one. That way he'll "remember" the homework better.
Have meetings with his teacher every other month to check how he's doing. If he's not doing that well, talk to him about it, but be gentle. Sometimes he's doing as good as he can.
Dinner. Dinner is one of the most important meals that you should have together at the same time, always with a full meal, including drinks, salad and a main course. And when the kids are good – dessert. During dinner, you should ask the kids how their day was, what they did, and what happened.
After dinner, you do not have to serve any more dinners, but you can serve snacks. After 9:30, the kitchen should close for you. But your kids can still go in and get whatever they want.
Chores. Everybody should get their share of chores and the parents should also do their share of chores. If the kids do their chores right for a week, give them a little prize or take them out for dinner.
Allowances. Kids should get allowances according to their age. Like you don't give a five-year-old a buck. But you do give an eight-year-old a buck. For every year, the kids' allowance should go up by at least a half a dollar. Start giving allowance (about a quarter) at the age of five. So kids can learn the value of a dollar. But they have to do chores for the money.
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Looks like the blueprint on how to raise a serial killer. No guidance what so ever. Let the kid do whatever he feels like.
I see she didn't call those who killed her son INSURGENTS. She called them what they are, TERRORISTS. That's Step #1 of being a good parent, after your child's death, if s/he is ever killed by TERRORISTS, and you wish to write about it.
My kids were raised with alot of freedom.They are neither spoiled brats or serial killers, in fact they are all in the gifted programs and I have no trouble from them.
IMO, the way to raise a kid is:
Love them with all your heart, be with them and do things with them alot, let them make as many decisions on their own as they can - this should increase with time all by itself, let them gradually assume more and more responsibility and independence. Keep them in a healthy moral environment, require a reasonable amount of discipline and teach right from wrong.
I am sorry for the above mother and grieve for her.
Bear in mind this is advice written by a 12 year old.
Did you give them guidance? Did you take them to Chuch? If they did something wrong, did you not correct them? Certainly there are personalities who can get by with little or no discipline or guidance, but that is a key to disaster for many kids who absolutely need proper guidance. Parenting requires the appropriate balance of love and guidance, which varies based on the kid. Not all kids are born with a good sense of right and wrong.
As an army brat, I was taught that a child was a direct reflection of the parents, with no excuses. Us kids would in no way dishonor our family if possible.
Of course I did and I also let them have most if not all of the freedoms the kids in this article were calling for. They managed to not become the serial killing bums that some people here are afraid kids will turn into if the parents aren't in total control.
You obviously didn't read this article. The kids in no way asked for the same things as the article you posted.
If you keep in mind that this was written by a TWELVE YEAR OLD, this was very sweet. Thanks for posting it on Mother's Day.
And happy Mother's Day to you.
I don't think anyone suggested total control. You provided guidance, the above recommendations do not. Don't twist what was said.
From a twelve year old, I do too.
I see. The mother is proud of the implied level of intellect of the effort. Well, there is intellect, then there is intelligence. Would you raise your kids using these guidelines?
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