Nursing mom gets unwelcome reception

WFAA TV ^ | April 29, 2005

[tuffydoodle]

Nursing mom gets unwelcome reception

FW mall says security firm made a mistake

10:37 PM CDT on Friday, April 29, 2005

By KARIN KELLY / WFAA-TV

For many mothers, breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world.

But it turned into an embarassing situation that angered a North Texas woman this week after she said a mall security guard harassed her.

Adrian Sparks was shopping at Hulen Mall Thursday, and decided to discreetly nurse her eight-month-old baby under a blanket in the food court.

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Karin Kelly reports "The security guard came over and asked me to stop, and either go to the restroom or to leave," Sparks said.

The guard told Sparks a food court customer had complained, even though Sparks was covered with a blanket.

"I told him it was perfectly legal for me to nurse my child," Sparks said. "And that they sell clothes more revealing that what I was doing right here."

Of course, it is legal - but soon another manager approached.

"He said, 'well those rules don't apply because we're a private facility,'" she recalled.

Friends who breastfeed have rushed in for support.

"The human race wouldn't exist without breast milk," said nursing mom Rachel Tarbutton.

Some are members of La Leche League, an organization that supports mother's milk for health and bonding benefits..

"To know that she is getting everything she needs from me, from my body, is (important)," Sparks said.

Mall officials said the incident was not normal procedure, and that t heir new security company made a mistake.

"That is not a Hulen Mall policy," said manager Kevin Davies. " We support what she was doing, we support moms and all of our customers, and feel badly this occurred."

That's not all that reassuring for Sparks, though.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to shop there again, because I was just so upset about it," she said.

[wideminded]

I doubt I will, because I have seen the wonders a rigorously regular schedule will work on a child, and the harm a free-for-all, let-him-eat-whenever-and-do-what-he-wants-whenever non-schedule wreaks.

I prefer the former, becaus I prefer well-bred children to screaming wild brats.

Whatever. When my now 13-month-old son was born, a lot of know-it-alls commented on how you shouldn't pick him up all the time when he cried or he would turn into a brat. I looked up the research on this and found out that these people were wrong. At least up to six months, babies that are picked up and otherwise have their needs quickly attended to when they cry develop a sense of security, cry much less later on, and end up being more well-adjusted children and adults.

We always responded to the baby when he cried and he was always fed on demand. It worked. He now cries much less than other children and people comment on how well-behaved he is.

[yawningotter]

I know several of those scheduling mothers, and their kids are NOT better behaved than demand fed babies. They can be just as bratty as any other kid, but their parents THINK that their kids are better behaved. Not only that, but they are so hung up on their schedules that they will not let anyone feed or even try to comfort the babies while they scream their heads off when they have been playing and get hungry before the schedule says they should. I know one mom in particular that cannot understand why her last two babies were losing weight while on a strict schedule. Schedules may work on babies with certain personalities, but not all kids are the same (especially ours). We tried to keep our first on a schedule because we knew others that were convinced that scheduling was "God's way", but he was always going against what "the schedule" said he was supposed to be doing. He did much better when we ditched the schedule. We also did research into parenting styles and found out that demand feeding is much better than scheduling, and had a much more solid foundation, both medically and spiritually.

[Ghost of Philip Marlowe]

"The security guard came over and asked me to stop, and either go to the restroom or to leave..."


Wow. Such unbearable "harassment."

So let me get this straight, if there's nothing wrong with it and it's the most natural thing in the world, the nursing mother and husband (if he's around) won't mind if I just sit and stare?

Of course they both will because they know what they are doing is against societal standards and there is a movement afoot to make America a little bit more like those cultures that squat in the dirt in bare feet.

If your child is on such a rigid feeding schedule that it can't wait for you to get home (OR TO GO SOMEWHERE PRIVATE), what the heck are you doing at a mall?

[tongue-tied]

Ghost

I've sat here biting my tongue (after untying it) until now. You just succinctly said exactly what I was thinking, but couldn’t verbalize.

With all of the arrogant and hostile reactions to those that wished NOT to see such things in public, I was beginning to believe I truly was an old fogy.

Thank you!

[nobdysfool]

But since some fool complained, he had to do his job.

He could have just as easily asked the complaining customer why they were so offended that they felt that their sensibilities were more important than a mother feeding her child. The woman covered herself. There was nothing to see. The complainer should be told that the rest of the world isn't obligated to ensure that THEY aren't offended, and their protestations are offensive to others.

The Security Guard could have just ignored the moron's request.

[Ghost of Philip Marlowe]

Thank you so much, Xenalyte.

I appreciate you stating this so clearly.

I live in Seattle. Believe me there is much more to this issue than just women feeding their babies or babies having a right to eat. The women here are deliberately "whipping out" and shoving it everyone's face, forcing them to accept this classless behavior. As a society, we have too much class for this sort of third-world behavior.

It's the new refusal to bathe or shave, just as the hippies did. Not all, and I'm sure there are some situations where it can't be avoided. But I'm also sure that in those situations, the mother does whatever she can not to shove it in anyone's face. Most of what I see out here is to get the public to accept a woman exposing her chest.

[OldBlondBabe]

The article stated nothing about "whipping out and shoving...". It said mom and the baby were covered by a blanket.

[tuffydoodle]

She's nursing a baby!! You can't see anything but I know what she's doing under there!! Stone her!!! That is so gross and she should be ashamed of herself! Why doesn't she do that in the bathroom, I don't want to look at it!! By the way, staring is rude no matter what the person may be doing.

[Ghost of Philip Marlowe]

Argumentum ad absurdum. Who said anything about stoning?
Those on this thread only want to see America retain some of its class by keeping this activity private.

So I guess you don't mind it when guys stand around in the mall with their hands in their pockets massaging themselves because you can't see what's going? Of course you do because you know what's going on.

If you read my other posts on this thread, you'd see that my objection is not to breast feeding, and not so much to breast feeding in public when it's necessary. It is against the counter-establishment types that are using this issue to further erode America's heritage and culture. A large part of that is what we call manners.

Yes, it's rude to stare. And it's also rude to behave in such a way as to call attention to yourself.

Passing gas and belching and talking loudly are also "natural." So I guess society should have no strictures on such behavior?

As I said, if it's necessary, I don't mind. But I also probably won't notice because those women who would rather not, will make an effort not to be noticed. Those who are noticed are obviously more concerned with the "Self" than with those around them.

[tuffydoodle]

"So I guess you don't mind it when guys stand around in the mall with their hands in their pockets massaging themselves because you can't see what's going? Of course you do because you know what's going on."

I can't argue with someone who equates masturbating in public with breastfeeding in public.

Buh-bye!

[wideminded]

IMHO Mothers who nurse when shopping or at restaraunts are simply acting selfish.

...

I've breast-fed three (including twins!) and I have the same attitude. I never once found it necessary to breast-feed in public. And I took my babies everywhere with me. Some people just don't care that they offend people. It's the attitude of the "me generation".

I have a one-year-old son. His mother is normally very discreet, but after the baby was born her attitude was that his needs come first. She didn't breast-feed in public too often, but any sense of shame about breast-feeding in front of family members seemed to greatly diminish. I don't think that taking care of the not-entirely-predictable needs of a small baby amounts to selfishness. Sometimes people are too easily offended.

Not long before my son was born I sat next to a woman on a plane who had a baby with her. Before we took off I commented (stupidly) that babies don't seem to like the air pressure change when planes take off and that it helps if they have something to drink. This woman responded, "Don't worry, that's all taken care of." Naturally when the plane took off she started to breast feed the baby. I was not offended (and I didn't think she was being selfish) but I arranged to sit elsewhere to give her some space.

As for the "me generation", on another flight I sat next to a woman who had been a stewardess in the 1960's and she told me a lot of interesting and funny stories about this time. I mentioned the incident of the breast-feeding mother to her and she recalled a time in the 60's when she had to ask a breast-feeding passenger to be more discreet and to keep her large breasts out of the aisle.

[AniGrrl]

Of course nursing (and non-nursing) mothers make all kinds of sacrifices, big and small. It goes with the territory. But we sacrifice for the infant, not the society at large.

No breastfeeding *1* infant is not forever, however, some of us have more than 1 child and that makes a lot of cumulative time.

Not to mention that mothers have more than 1 type of responsibility. Sometimes you have to leave the house, let alone needing a little time out and about.

But that's really besides the point. I really feel no need to defend the right of mothers to leave their homes with nursing infants for more than carefully controlled time segments.

Support for discreet breastfeeding in public is one of the ways a society that wants to nuture families and supposedly honors mothers should behave.

I always went out of my way to thank the establishments that provided rocking chairs and private (or semi-private spaces for nursing moms.)

I just thought of a great campaign for La Leche League, actually!

"This Mother's Day, contact a local business, and donate an old rocking chair to support nursing mothers. For those who object to public nursing, you can donate a folding screen."

8>

[AniGrrl]

No, if you want to feed your baby in private, do so.

[muggs]

Thanks for posting the picture. Hope it wakes up a few people to the fact that breastfeeding a baby is not something that needs to be hidden.

[Ghost of Philip Marlowe]

1. We're not arguing. We haven't reached the point of debate yet. We're discussing what behaviors society should condone or curtail.

2. I did not equate masturbating with nursing. You postulated that if you can't see what is going on, then it's harmless. I countered that postulate with one that demonstrated that not seeing what is going on is relevant. I never mentioned masturbation. I said massaging himself and that could have meant massaging the thigh. Your response proves what happens in the imagination from what cannot be seen and thus proves my point that it is highly relevant.

3. If you can't discuss rationally, then buh-bye is about the most you can contribute to the discussion. As I said, read my other posts and you'll see why I even bothered responding to this article that you posted, thus opening the door for discussion. It is an important issue. I'm sure you're a fine and decent person and are concerned about others and you are probably amazed that anyone has an issue with breast feeding in public. This is not the reason for my involvement. The purpose of my discussion is to explore the possible ramifications of society condoning a woman exposing herself in public. If we get used to it for feeding, do we next have to expect women walking around topless everywhere? You know as well as I do that this is what the rule of incrementalism leads to.

[CrazyIvan]

I'm not sure whether you are agreeing with me or not. I certainly think that the one posters comparison to public urination is a bad analogy. I just think that holding a baby close for nourishment is a natural as holding one close for warmth. I also think that discretion is a key element if only to not attract undue attention, or offend someone even if I disagree with their attitude.

[Trinity_Tx]

I gotta say, I am stunned and amazed at some of the replies here. I was against the other woman who did it at the board meeting, but this?

Geeez. Comparing a mother discretely nursing a child to gross things that should be hidden, is just...

No one is less of a feminazi than I, and I am *very* modest.

But done like this mother and I did, no one sees anything they shouldn't see unless they are going out of their way to stare for the slightest accidental glimpse.

And I gotta say - if catchin a glimpse of a possible pink somethin harms your psyche or even as some are saying here, to my shock, just the thought of "what's goin on under that blanket?" grosses you out - that's your issue to deal with.

Anyway, I did what she did, and I'd do it again today - with my husband's full permission.

[R. Scott]

There was nothing sexual about it.

Sexual is in the (dirty) mind of the beholder. Some people seem to be turned on with just the thought of a female breast.

[R. Scott]

Women's breasts have been equated with sex since the days of Abraham and Sarah.

Some will call it our religious heritage. There are some who think all women should wear a burka.

[flada]

One of the best comments I've ever read on FR.