[ilovew]

After my three suicide attempts, my mother should have realized by now that I don't take criticism well. Either she's really stupid or she doesn't care if I die. She should know by now that harassing me about my life hasn't worked.

[MJY1288]

You are a lot stronger than me. All your posts here on FR are so very very pleasant for someone who has been through what you have. God has a plan for you my friend, otherwise you wouldn't be here. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. God loves you and so do we here on FR

Mike

[snugs]

I know a bit how you feel about being harassed to do something especially if it is all in hand and you are doing it your way.

I get really uptight with my boss at work over this. I have been doing similar work for over 24 years and I reckon I know it pretty well and the best way to do it. If however he sees parcels ready to go on the side for a few hours he gives me grief about it asking when will I get rid of them. I challenge him and he admits that he knows I will do it within the required time but it is just his way. I point out that it does not sit well with me and does not help making me more co-operative but his answer is "that me and I will not change".

I used to hold this against him and I still get irritated and sometimes rise to the bait but most of the time I can just accept that it is just his way. He can be very kind like he insisted I went home last week with a sore throat early part of the week and then when I fell over he drove me home neither of which he had to do and neither of which, the way it works in our company, would he have been held responsible for.

I suspect as Mike says your mother does love you but has a hard time of showing it. Is this the same with your brothers? If not maybe she has a problem relating to girls both as children and and young adults maybe she sees too much of herself in you and does not like what she sees and is desperately trying to ensure that you do not turn out like her. I suspect she does not know how to deal with it in a positive way and therefore it always sound negative what she says to you.

She may also have a problem with things/people that in her eyes that are not perfect and she may feel because of what has happened with you that reflects badly on her.

IMHO and someone who obviously does not know or even meet you or your mother I think in her own way she is struggling with her feelings and emotions for you and does not know how to cope.

It must be very hard for a mother to sit back and see you suffer and maybe she is doing the classic pull your socks up thing which I know from experience with a family member with who has your problems it does not work. I would suspect she has done this to you all your life and you just do not respond to it mainly because of your other problems.

Do not think I am giving your mother a pass I am not she should learn how to deal with you but I think again (obviously just summation on my part) a lot of this is to do with fear and not being able to help you which probably goes way back to your childhood.

God bless you and keep you strong show love to your mother if not by word or affection as this maybe too hard at present but in the things you do or do not do then maybe one day she will respond and tell you her problems of dealing with you.

Take care love
Eleanor