Intel's 100-core chip could power intelligent toilet

The Register ^ | 3/6/05 | Ashlee Vance

[Petronski]

A smart toilet, examining my stool?

I'm sorry, I just don't know where to begin . . .

[sourcery]

Intel's 100-core chip could power intelligent toilet

Better hope it doesn't do a 'core dump.' :-)

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Or, should you collapse right then and there, the toilet can call for an ambulance. Brilliant!

It could have saved Elvis.

[Hank Rearden]

A smart toilet, examining my stool?

I'm sorry, I just don't know where to begin . . .

But it does. Just hold still for a sec . . . . .

[thoughtomator]

Begin by hoping that it doesn't get made by Microsoft.

[datakcy]

Toilets calling doctors and ambulances? Must be the new software called "STOOL Pigeon!"

[Nachoman]

I'd be impressed if it kept the toilet from backing up and overflowing.

[broadsword]

ROTFLMAO!

God help us! I really don't want a talking toilet. The Islamonazi-defending FReepers are bad enough. LOL! Yechhhhh!

[broadsword]

The powerful toilet can call the authorities if it notices suspicious stool wearing a turban and thumping a copy of the Koran. LOL!

[Joe Miner]

Will it be able to distinguish blood from a hemmorhoid from a more serious problem?

Generally hemmorhoid blood is bright red, internal bleeding is black by the time it shows up.

[MediaMole]

The Apple iToilet

[broadsword]

LOL! Everybody HAS TO follow that link! Thanks for the laugh!

[Mr Ramsbotham]

Just what I need ... to be un-manned by an automatic tampon remover.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

There was a country comedian who talked about a country store who had a two seater privy.
He put a speaker between the seats and when a woman went into the outdoor toilet.
He would say into the microphone "Lady, could you use the other seat, I'm working down here".

[Polybius]

Will it be able to distinguish blood from a hemmorhoid from a more serious problem?

Generally hemmorhoid blood is bright red, internal bleeding is black by the time it shows up.

Do NOT go by that.

The color of the blood depends on how long the blood has been sitting around in your G.I. tract before it comes out. The color is bright red with cancers of the rectum and sigmoid colon, but is usually thick, black, and "tarry" if the cancer is higher up in the digestive tract.

Thirty percent of all colon cancers develop in the rectum thereby potentially presenting with "bright red" blood.

So, don't be lulled into a false sense of security by "bright red" blood. That could very well be a rectal cancer.

If you bleed, see your doctor. Once you are 50, get your colonoscopy.

[JoeSixPack1]

[Jack of all Trades]

Me: "STFU and clean yourself, willya?"

Ditto here. I'd rather have an analog of a slave or sentry rather than a nanny.

[mikrofon]

Talk about being able to flush the cache!

[Malsua]

or

"cough, cough, just WHAT DID YOU EAT??, gasp, I'm gagging here, can't you go outside or something?"