40 Most Awesomely Bad Love Songs

vh-1/viacom ^ | 3-02-05

[sully777]

What is the most awesomely bad love song ever? The one that makes you cringe when you hear it, but you just can't turn it off. What love song makes you shake your head, roll your eyes, laugh, gag, shed a tear, or just punch something because it's so horrendously great that you love to hate it. Or is it vice versa? VH1 is counting down the 40 Most Awesomely Bad Love Songs....The kind of songs that might end a relationship rather than enhance it. You get the drift.

Join us as we count down and celebrate fantastically cheesy lyrics, the best and worst metaphors, awkward and confusing themes, and of course, those strange, misguided flukes from our favorite artists, while our team of experts help explain why we've deemed these songs so (un)worthy. We've been covering our ears, shutting off the radio, and running from the room screaming for too long. It's time to ban these songs to our awesomely bad Hall of F(Sh)ame!

[humblegunner]

I can still hear her complain.

She's buried right in my backyard.

[F16Fighter]

"Oh yes, Johnny Angel. What a sweet, innocent song.

I remember listening to that one, holding my Barbie and Ken dolls, and thinking of happily ever after...."

Aaaw...Johnny Angel was innocent. So were Barbi and Ken...

Today, Barbie's running a brothel out of her "Playhouse," and Ken's living in Frisco with Steve.

"Happily after"? Is nothing sacred? ;-)

[mombonn]

Agreed about Muskrat Love.

But has anyone mentioned "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore"???? I'm working my way thru the thread.

[tabsternager]

It was Neil Diamond.

[VermiciousKnid]

Oh my....isn't it weird that I was telling my kids about that song just YESTERDAY?

And the similar one with "Sister Mary Elephant," too. (I frowned on that one because I thought it was disrespectful of the Sisters who taught us.)

Mr. Jaws....man, it's been a LOOOOONG time.

Regards,

PS: You know what song I heard the other day? Al Stewart's "The Year of the Cat," with the spoken words at the beginning and everything. It's gotta be a MINIMUM of 20 years since I've heard that one.

[Oystir]

Reunited was my first thought!

[F16Fighter]

"Goodbye Cruel World was by James Darren.Shelley Fabares scored big the same year-1962-with Johnny Angel.Paul Peterson's three hits were She Can't Find her Keys,Lollipops and Roses and My Dad."

Don't recall any of Peterson's "hits," nor Darren's, but I recall 'Johnny Angel.'

Was it James Darren who starred on the 60s sci-fi TV show, 'Time Tunnel'?

[F16Fighter]

Aaah yes -- Andy Kim. ("Ain't it good? Ain't it right?....)

Lol, was the guy moralizing about it?

[sully777]

"You Don't Have to Say You Love Me Just Because I Have"---which could have been titled, "Walk on Me, I'm a Dummy With No Sense of Self-Worth and You're So Perfect".

---

I file two songs from Squeeze under GOOD SONGS about love gone wrong

Another Nail For My Heart
(difford/tilbrook)

The case was pulled from under the bed
She made a call to a sympathetic friend
And made arrangements
The door was closed there was a note
I couldn’t be bothered
Maybe I’ll choke
No more engagements

With where have you been’s
And faraway frowns
Trying to be good
By not being ’round
And here in the bar
The piano man’s found
Another nail for my heart

That stupid old bug
That kills only love
I want to be good
Is that not enough

So play me the song
That makes it so tough
Another nail for my heart
Then play me that song
That makes it so tough
Another nail for my heart

I had excuses those little boy lies
That she computed by watching my eyes
And told me firmly

She couldn’t stand it I’m bad on her heart
She dropped her makeup and I found the bar
Now it concerns me

I’ve had a bad time
Now love is resigned
I’ve been such a fool
I’ve loved and goodbyed

So here in the bar
The piano man’s found
Another nail for my heart
And here in the bar
The piano man’s found
Another nail for my heart

---

And this one

Black Coffee In Bed
(difford/tilbrook)

There’s a stain on my notebook
Where your coffee cup was
And there’s ash in the pages
Now I’ve got myself lost
I was writing to tell you
That my feelings tonight
Are a stain on my notebook
That rings your goodbye
With the way that you left me
I can hardly contain
The hurt and the anger
And the joy of the pain
Now knowing I am single
They’ll be fire in my eyes
And a stain on my notebook
For a new love tonight

From the lips without passion
To the lips with a kiss
There’s nothing of your love
That I’ll ever miss
The stain on my notebook
Remain all that’s left
Of the memory of late nights
And coffee in bed

Now she’s gone
And I’m back on the beat
A stain on my notebook
Says nothing to me
Now she’s gone
And I’m out with a friend
With lips full of passion
And coffee in bed

[tabsternager]

James Darren was in Time Tunnel. He was also "Moon Doggy" in the Gidget movies. I always thought he was way underrated, but I also thought he was very cute; so perhaps I was biased.

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Looked at the first few hundred posts and didn't see "Having my Baby (what a lovely way of saying how much you love me).

Of course I'm sure someone remembered this fine effort by Paul Anka, but posting it just in case it's been missed.

[Nowhere Man]

"She's Having My Baby!" - Paul Anka

Everytime I hear that song, I want to drive into the Ohio River. B-)

[ssaftler]

You made me just think of my favorite "love" song, "I Hold Your Hand In Mine" by the immortal Tom Lehrer. Actually, he wrote a number of dillies!

[msjhall]

'Mr. Jaws....man, it's been a LOOOOONG time. '

Yeah, my mother gave me a Mickey Mouse head shaped radio when I was about 5 years old and I spent half of my summers listening to music like that.

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Here ya go...

"(You're) Having My Baby"

(As recorded by Paul Anka)
PAUL ANKA

Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying how much you love me
Having my baby
What a lovely way of saying what you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, your face is glowing
I can see it in your eyes
I'm happy in knowin'
That you're having my baby

You're the woman I love
And I love what it's doin' to you
Having my baby
You're a woman in love
And I love what's goin' thru you
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Oh, the seed inside you baby
Do you feel it growin'
Are you happy knowin'
That you're having my baby

Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me")
Having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what's goin' thru me")
Didn't have to keep it
Couldn't put you thru it
You could have swept it from your life
But you wouldn't do it
No you wouldn't do it
And you're having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doin' to me")
Having my baby
Girl: ("I'm a woman in love and I love what's goin' thru me")
Having my baby

(c) Copyright 1974 by Spanka Music Corportion.

- SONG HITS, December 1974.

###

[TracyPA]

I hated the sappy "Honey" too! I liked "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone. Wasn't she singing about God? Also loved "Moon River"-reminds me of the lovely Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Big and Carrie did a slow twist to Moon River in an episode of Sex and the City.

[Nowhere Man]

"Afternoon Delight" by some one-almost-hit-wonder.
"You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Gibson
"Mandy" by Barry Manilow (shoulda stayed with commercials)

"Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band, IIRC, John Denver wrote the song.
"You Light Up My Life" was by Debbie Boone, daughter of Pat Boone, I remember when the record was played on the 1958 hi-fi we have, the music was so high in treble, I got feedback.
I know I'm gonna get flak for this, but I have one big vice, I like Barry Manilow and his music.

Time to don the asbestos suit. B-)

[msjhall]

Oh, that is awesome! I can feel the chunks.

[LisaMalia]

"Happily after"? Is nothing sacred? ;-)

These days, pretty much...."no".

[sully777]

David Cassidy
I Think I Love You
( The Partridge Family )

---

One of my sisters was a big fan of David Cassidy and Bobby Sherman. I can still hear

Julie Julie
Do you love me?

Julie Julie
Do you care?

Julie Julie
Are you thinking of me?

Julie Julie
Will you still be there?

---

I heard that about 1000000000000000000000000000 times