Ted Kennedy Gives Free Driving Lessons To Poor Teens

Weekly World News ^ | Published on: 11/01/2004 | By MICHAEL FORSYTH

[RBroadfoot]

"The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned, makes no attempt to downplay the tragedy during lessons. Instead, he uses the incident as a cautionary tale."

Does he caution against drunk driving?

Or, does he caution the female students against getting into cars with Kennedys?

Or, perhaps he uses Chappaquiddick to caution female students to take their birth control pills regularly and, if that fails, to get an abortion without complaint.

[RBroadfoot]

Certainly this article is a farce!

[dts32041]

I have one other question does he take his dog Splash along, now that name is not a joke, where this article maybe.

With the way the legacy press has been working, this mag has as much veracity as they do.

[.38sw]

"It's the dude who got assassinated, y'all," another youth whispered.

Fr. MacKelly hastily explained that it was Ted's older brother, President John F. Kennedy, who was murdered in Dallas.

Lakwanda, 17, was one of the first pupils to go for a spin with the legendary lawmaker.

"At first, I was real nervous, 'cause pulling out from the curb, Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant," she recalls. "He laughed and apologized and told me it had been a while since he did his own driving.

"But once he put me behind the wheel, he was real cool. He kept telling stories about the old days and famous people he'd met, like Bob Dylan and Fidel Castro.

"I didn't know who they were, but I liked that he was so friendly."

[glock rocks]

[weegee]

"I'm a ba-a-a-a-d boy."

[OldSmaj]

The senator, who was involved in the infamous 1969 Chappaquiddick car accident in which a young woman drowned...

I suspect this is mostly a BS story (about the driving lessons), however, can't help but notice that particular sentence is constructed in such a way as to make the uninitiated think that more than one person was "involved", thus relieving Der Schwimmer of a large part of the responsiblilty.

[TheRatHunter]

So how many people besides me read "Ted Kennedy Gives Free Drinking Lessons to Poor Teens" first?

[The_Media_never_lie]

I'd rather my children take swimming lessons from Teddy.

[boothead]

Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant,"

And then he ran into Fr. MacKelly Damn! What a driver.

[Ditto]

"Well you should be. One momentary lapse of attention, breaking one 'minor' traffic rule -- drive off a bridge with a bimbo passed out in the back seat, and bam --- just like that your chances at the White House sink faster than a 68 Olds."

[bassoonmoo]

you've got to see it to believe it!

[matchwood]

Good God, now I have seen it all. What a symbol for safe driving. (does the plan include swimming lessons?)

[Elephino]

Gee, I used to not like him. Now I do.

[HardStarboard]

All the kids will be buying Oldsmobiles - they are Ted's favorite mode of transportation.

[patriot_wes]

"Ted Kennedy Gives Free Driving Lessons To Poor Teens

Bet this program will make quite a SPLASH!!!

[dfwgator]

What's next, JFK Jr. giving flying lessons...no...wait....nevermind.

[TChris]

"...Mr. Ted knocked over two garbage cans and scraped the fender on a fire hydrant"

Just the kind of driving instructor I want for my kids!

"Today, kids, we're going to learn how to drive DRUNK!"

[MarkeyD]

SCIENTIST REVEALS: THUNDER CAUSED BY FAT PEOPLE DOING JUMPING JACKS

[drpix]

"First lesson kids, alway wear a swimsuit when going out to drive."