Hm...better get prepared here...
Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Absolutely, woman notice differences in typical behavior. The greatest thing I ever figured out when I was in my 20s was that the best way to attract a very attractive woman was to be the only guy in the room to completely ignore the fact that she is attractive. If you make all interactions utterly and convincingly asexual, she will go out of her way to elicit a response from the you. Ignoring the attractiveness of the woman increases the man's perceived status (probably subconsciously) by the implication that he can do better, or at least that is the theory.
This has traditionally caused me problems at work, where I generally do treat woman in a friendly but intentionally asexual manner as a matter of professionalism. The pervasiveness of women chasing friendly indifference is actually somewhat disconcerting.
I'm talking about Pink Lady!
Rings a bell, but the only Japenese signer I remember was the guy who did 'Sukiyaki'. I think it was Sakamoto.
LOL, well, you know what they say. If a man opens the door for his woman, he either got a new car or a new woman.
My honey keeps telling me Tagalog is easy too, though I am not convinced of it. I was in the Philippines recently, and I can tell, total exposure to the language, is the way to learn it. She says I learn it quickly, but I have a long way to go before I can carry on a conversation.
Ha! But you're forgetting that even nice guys eventually mess up and do the right thing. Worked for me. :-)
PFKEY, your advice might be helpful as a conversation starter, but a little flattery goes a long way at the start, and very much flattery is completely fatal.
I toyed with and teased my wife for about 6 weeks before I finally declared that we couldn't be "just friends" anymore, and even afterwards I would gently tease her even about sensitive stuff like her appearance.
This was different from my usual pattern of kissing the hem of my love interest's blue jeans, which guaranteed failure.
(Of course, now that we're married, I get to flatter my wife all I want, and she can't do anything about it. [evil laugh]).
Apple pickers always prefer the apple that's on the tree and require a reach to pick, over the one that's sitting on the ground getting rotten. :-)
Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you? My Japanese wife and I have been married almost 12 years now and have two sons with dual citizenship. We've talked about it, but she currently has no desire to give up her Japanese citizenship even if she is living in the States.
Bottom line, it takes effort to be married to an American woman.
There's something about the tone of your post that tells me that would certainly be true in your case.
Bump.
--no particular reason...
Hm...better get prepared here...
ROTFLMAO!! It's my Friday.
Mine, too!
Guess it's as good a time as any for a little silliness...
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