Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Dude, wrong thread.
"than these idiots the women I'm interested in go for."
Not to be questioning... but why would you be interested in a woman like that?
No. It's on his latest cd.......I don't know the name of it because the instant I hear it I either mute the tv or turn the radio dial. Part of it goes, "What happens in Mexico....stays in Mexico".
In his defence I will say somethings they can be hard to spot as such at first. Personally I don't even meet many of that kinds...
Ya know...what bothers me is that attitudes like that are held up as being what truly manly men are like. In my book, it's far more manly to be willing to support a family through thick and thin - and maybe even be willing to change a diaper now and then! ;-)
And it goes both ways... the couple guys who have shown interest in me have been either controlling wackos, or too liberal to stand...
I can understand though... Even at my age I still make mistakes of trusting the wrong person... You'd think I'd learn my lesson too because every time I do, it really hurts a lot!
You mean like putting down the beer and turning away from the TV? That is crazy talk!
A fair question. To be honest, I have the good fortune (or would it be misfortune?) to actually get to know these women. I cannot for the life of me understand why they are attracted to these guys, but they are. In a sense, it's the oldest rule in the book, you really can't decide who you are going to be attracted to. *shrug* Just the way it is. But it is truly pathetic as they claim to want someone with the qualities they say I have. *shrug again* Must be my physical attributes. I'm a rather plain looking guy. American women, deny it as often as they please (and they will, ad nauseum) DO want the GQ looking fella. You know what they say, "Ain't got the looks? Better hit the books." Quite true in my experience.
Hmmm beer vs. moonpies? Seems almost too impossible to decide for me.
Well...I'm a crazy kinda gal! C'mon, live a little! ;-)
Nah, don't like country.
American women (my wife is excluded from this generalization) need to take some lessons from Asian women. I for one am sick and tired of overly aggressive women who think they can teach me anything. Too many men and women have been Oprahized. The men have become tenderized and feminized, while the women have taken to injesting testosterone. The crap that is pumped out through the media piplines is making this society sick.
That new song of his glorifies cheating on your spouse. He's on the phone talking to his wife about the kids, while the women he spent with the night is taking a shower. I do not like that song.
Ah! Must have BOTH!
Well you know that list I posted about earlier... Looks wasn't even on it...
I must be totally different than nearly every woman who ever existed.
Then all I can say is God Bless you ma'am, but I hope you can understand my skepticism.
Sorry, we're way past that. We're on the "beer or moonpie, does pizza count as a vegetable or salad" discussion....
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