Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
What? Like pizza?
Great!!! My fantasy continues.
OK. Hey look - It's the president (slips right by). :)
no no no...pistachio ice cream. VEGETABLE. Need to eat your greens....
That brownie credit, it's the ones with the chopped nuts on top, right?
MMMMMMMM, you said...pizza.
Bah! Hang in there nuthin'! I'm staying single, gonna make and KEEP all of MY money. Throw a bit at my favorite charities, then laugh with glee when I see women who realize what they've passed up try to make up for their mistake. Now that I know is not very gentlemanly, but I'm only human after all. A fella can only take so much, "you're such a great person and I wouldn't want to risk our friendship with a relationship that might not work" crap. :) I've got my faith to keep my company, and I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt that I'm more of a real man in the classical sense (i.e. truly courteous, respectful, and honest with women, with a bit of the protective type fella thrown in) than these idiots the women I'm interested in go for. And once they wake up to it, and find it's too late... how sweet it will be! *Insert wry grin here*
lol...lol...lol
I do too but being a single male they never seen to come across my path for me to eat them. I think they are hiding...
You know just how to handle FR gals, don't ya?
Ok, I'm salivating.
You been listening to a lot of Toby Keith lately?
OK, I'm literally LOL here...
Ya know, I like his voice, but seems like ALL his songs are "love 'em and dump 'em" types!
I had to wipe the drool off my chin on that one. Good choice.
Bah! If they go for idiots you are better off not getting them anyway. If you caught one of those that would make you an idiot which does not appear to be the case.
I don't eat many veggies either. For some reason by the time I'm done shopping for meat, the lettuce looks unappetizing. Since I'm only cooking for me, it doesn't matter.
Gotta guy just like you. Didn't meet him until we were in our mid-forties. Principled men are hard to come by. I guess principled women are, too. Good luck!
His latest song I won't listen too. Neither will hubby.
I dunno if I've heard it...is it the "Who's Your Daddy" one?
Seems to just follow a common theme among his songs, though.
It bothers me...'cause as I said, I do like his voice.
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