Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Today women outnumber men in college 57% to 43%, yet women are far less likely than men to marry below themselves economically, and to be content with their choices if they do. For decades we've had a society that's hostile to masculinity, and too many women have bought into the basic feminist worldview, while believing Oprah the barren-wombed billionairess' promises that they "can have it all."
It's a cultural train wreck, and more and more American women are going to find that more and more American men look for options that aren't nags, ingrates, divas, or drama queens. You and your circle may well be exceptions, but the indications are that you are a species in decline.
So it's okay they treat their wives like fuzzy slippers?
One day his dream came true and he found her.
Too bad for him she was
"Looking for the perfect man".
No, I don't think it is an overstatement. This even comes from the older generation. It is a very big deal in Japan the last couple of years. They say because of my social status and being an American, that Japanese women will be very blunt and forward to me about my interest in marriage even though they cannot be so direct in speaking with Japanese men.
All of my Japanese friends have wives that are 10 to 15 years younger than they are. In Japan, the ideal marriage is one in which the husband acts the role of the father, so the wife needs to be young to accept the male dominance over them. Women cannot be seen as dominant or equal in Japanese society, but they can be so with western men and they desperately want that (who can blame them). That is why they are rejecting Japanese men who are not adopting the western ways.
Even in Orthodox Judaism, where the roles are clear, women are still highly encouraged to go to college and get at least a BA.
Well, according to some here, if you were good American male, then yes.
Well, I have to say, the average man these days is no great catch. He's metrosexual or paleolithic, liberal or so conservative the idea of a college-educated wife offends him. Men don't know how to treat women, they're rude, possessive, and unwilling to commit.
I don't actually believe that, but it's just as true as the anti-women rants I've just read.
Considering the attitude of many Japanese men, I can see why they want American husbands.
It doesn't matter what I think! I am only saying that is there culture even today, but it is dying out because Japanese women are apparently getting fed up with it.
What!No French poodle???
Voyeur :-).
Double ~sigh~ and ditto.
Might want to read the article carefully. It looks like these Japanese women want Western husbands for the 'equality' thing. Not sure you'd be getting anything different.
My husband and I are the same way. And he has told me many times that he would be bored to tears if I was submissive and docile. One of the reasons why he fell in love with me was because he watched me stand my ground in a discussion with a group of men and he respected me for it.
Too bad I've already eaten lunch, or I would pop some popcorn. ;^)
C'mon.............
Where are the pics of the Asian babes?
Dang darlin', ya ain't just a teensy, tinesiest bit bitter and judgemental are ya?
And what outstanding virtues do you have to offer a female type person of the absolute perfect variety? ;) And if she is that perfect, would she give you the time of day? ;)
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
Would she settle for a "one-night-stand" with a Western man, lol!?!
You've told us quite a bit about the women you hang with. LOL.
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