Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Not evil...just domineering, manic-depressive, materialistic, crude, aggressive, mostly overweight, corrupted by marxist-feminism and basically unfit for motherhood.
Bump for American guys...we are the cream of the crop....so says the dozens of foreign women that I have talked to about this.
Asian women....well....act like women.
Oh, I wouldn't say all American women are evil. Just the first two I married. The third one's been great. Send more!
;o)
Yes, why, just look at one of the more famous examples: Yoko Ono.
And you probably wonder why you have trouble getting second dates.
Good grief.
That's probably an overstatement, which is unsurprising if everyone saying it is a Japanese man. But a man who was actively looking for a wife would have no trouble finding candidates.
Not the ones that are afraid of women with their own opinions.
Yep, every single last one of us.
Meanwhile, American men are macho saints - every last one of 'em.
I wish.
Got any spare room in that foxhole? I brought popcorn...
Do I HAFTA look? ;-)
Yep. We're all manly men looking for girly girls! ;o)
Placemarker.
"As your leader, I encourage you from time to time, and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced that a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is - I collect your f***ing head. Just like this f***er here. Now, if any of you sons of b****es got anything else to say, now's the f***ing time. I didn't think so. "
My married male Japanese friends (all doctors or corporate high level businessmen) all work 6 days a week and work from 7am until 10pm. They do come home for dinner for an hour around 5 or 6pm, but then back to work for another 3 hours or to a businessman's social club. Add in commuting time, and they are only at home about 6 or 7 hours a day to sleep. They mainly spend family time on Sundays or on a holiday in the summer or around New Year's.
No, but feminists in america would make having a foreign bride a capital offense if they could get away with it.
Well, you have to realize that in most places, a "traditional gender role" means bare-foot and pregnant for the women.
One can move away from that and still not be a foaming left-winger. :D
Yeah. Like I'd want to marry a compliant doormat...
dude, I so almost pinged him. :D
Modest, too.
I don't know who these foreign women are who apparently tell you exactly what you expect to hear about yourself. I'm guessing non-American women fantasize about the "perfect unattainable man" too.
I worked with a guy who was in Japan for four years. He left in the mid-90s. He said that single Japanese women (especially those in the early 30s)...are very direct in conversation. Their priorities at around age 30 change drastically. They want a stable man, who doesn't drink much, who doesn't treat them like a typical Japanese woman. They are smarter and more aggressive than the old generation. He said that an American guy who is on good behavior...can meet up with at least five women who aggressively court the guy in a one-month period.
You see the same problem in Russia. Russian women are begging for western men to take them as brides. It isn't the American dream angle...its the wonderful husband angle...and they all believe that American or European men can provide that dream.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.