Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
See how easy it is?
Why do you keep avoiding the question on who defines "grateful" and "appreciative."?
ROFL - I loved that show. Did you see the one where they said, "let's step into the Japanese garden" and there were a bunch of Japanese people standing in garden pots.
You're reading carelessly.
I know it's only a minority of FR guys who take such (obvious) glee in making sweeping generalizations about American women, but why do any do it?
Accusations of glee notwithstanding, there is a culural phenomenon occuring wich is likely to increase, that has a more complicated cause than "jerkwater/insecure/lazy American men want a subservient maid." In speaking of cultural phenomena, it's necessary to make generalizations.
That said (cough), when I've read these sorts of threads in the past, I've always managed to find, about halfway through, a few posts from some good-humored, American-women-loving FR guys that have cheered me. I'm going looking!
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Please see my posts 87,103,132,138,207,241,275,321,322
Yes, I think so too.
Hi, elfman, how's everything in the Keys these days? I heard the sailfish haven't shown up too strongly, but that dolphin are still hitting pretty good.
Thank ya sweet cheeks!
I understand what you're saying, but, isn't it a little (I dunno) wrong, to "work the church?"
Of course with a double-barreled shot-gun, I don't have to be exact.
LOL I've defined it half a dozen times, at least. American men are in higher demand by foreign brides than are American women, and at the same time that more American men, even if imperfect, are more attentive than ever to a woman's needs, more women are delaying marriage or opting out altogether.
Setting aside American male sociopaths and foreign bride immigration fraud, what's your explanation for the remainder?
You seem to have a very low opinion of the motivations of women from other countries. Interesting.
Any illusions you have of women idolizing you is just that....illusion.
If you think that it's impossible for a woman to "idolize" a man (or a man to idolize a woman), and they only get married for cynical reasons like green cards, what does this say about your outlook on relationships?
That is how my brother met his wife (parents of the Cutest Baby in the World). He was eclesicastical multitasking.
I wonder if I got way that because I was stationed in Vietnam, Thailand, Japan and Korea from age 20 till age 25? Hmm....
I never had the honor of serving, I attribute my facination with Asian women to a well intentioned gift from my childhood:
I’m not a fisherman, but now that I’ve given up drinking, a replacement bad habit may be needed.
Listening to AM1300 fishing shows, I hear the Amber Jack are starting to make an appearance. Sounds like people are waiting for another cold front to roll in and kick in the winter species.
I avoid most of them too, they never bring me joy, but I saw a couple of my friends throwing themselves to these wolves, and I had to stay at least to make sure they don't get eaten.
But they don't need me, they're holding their own here. My only hope is that they don't begin to doubt who they are because of the venom that comes from bitter people. It is the happy and successful in love who have something we can all learn from, not the embittered.
You'd be surprised, though, just how thoroughly Ward and June can hurt each other over the Beav's homework, if they give in to that temptation. A wife knows every open wound in her husband's soul, and vice versa. The more you love someone, the more that person can hurt you ... and the more you have to trust them not to use that power.
That is so right. When my hubby forgets to 'ASK' and 'TELLS' me to get him something, I remind him quickly about the cast-iron skillet sitting on my stove. When he ask for something, I will crawl over broken glass to get it for him and he knows it. I must add that that works in the reverse as well. Mutual respect and courtesy goes a long way.
About me? Not a thing, I'm just another poster.
If American women don't understand what there is about American men to be grateful for, they should consider all of the options they have in their lives that most husbands happily support, that were unheard of in previous generations. Ask your mothers, aunts, grandmas, and any other older woman about what it was like.
Are there bums among us? Sure. Are even the best American men works in progress? Sure.
But if you have to ask repeatedly why you should be grateful for something, or even what that something is, then it's going to be hard for you to argue that you aren't ungrateful for it.
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