Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
You seem to have hit the problem. The problem may not be the men but the women who see marriage as an accessory rather than something higher.
Japan may be better off with these women not marrying and reproducing.
You're right, there isn't a huge movement of women looking for foreign men with MORE domineering attitudes than they could find closer to home. Me, I found a good man right here on Free Republic. You bash American women on the very forum where many good single conservative Christian women are. Women who want to feel loved and valued, just as you do. If you don't want to hear them out, I would suggest you just get a Golden Retriever and forget about women.
There is higher foreign demand for American men than women. Why?
For a green card in a freer country. Consider this; They want what American women have, not necessarily what American men have.
A compliant doormat is better than a troublemaker who is a pain to control.
Because foreign women who want desperately to come to the US to escape the repression in their country know "gay marriage" isn't legal yet, so they still have to marry men to get their green cards.
We are hearing it, but you ain't a woman, and you have no idea just how bad the American Male can treat a female sweetie!;)
Been there, done that....won't do it again.
How is that different from the tendency of American women not to marry below them economically or educationally? Women want material security, there's nothing wrong with that, it's part of their natures, good for kids, and the responsibility of their men to provide it for them.
What we're talking about is a difference in the appreciation of foreign women for what American men provide, vs. the appreciation (and frequent lack of it) for the same thing by American women.
However, if this was only about green cards, American women would have as high a foreign demand as American men. They don't.
I hit the exacta -
Got me a woman who can stand up for herself AND a golden retriever. Is this a great country or what?
Control? Sounds to me like you have an issue.
Or to be even more general, EVERYBODY's a pain, one way or another :-).
The Japanese situation is sad, though. Their culture is dying because it's not supportive of families. The problem isn't really "traditional gender roles," because many women are eager to be wives, homemakers, and mothers. However, that requires men to be husbands and fathers, not just legally, but in reality.
A culture with its center in the office and not in the home will die, eventually.
Hence my point about the ingratitude of American women for American men.
Good idea, and maybe a sheep.
SO9
Dang! You are one smart girl! ;)
My hubby knew what he was getting nearly 33 years ago when we were married, he loved me for it.
After all these years, our kids still get disgusted at us for being...'playful' with each other.
Parents aren't supposed to do stuff like that, at least, according to them.
I tell them, get back to me when you've been married as long as we have. That usually shuts them up.
Some husbands do not want to control their wives.
Oh, much worse.
In Asia and russia, expect to have to tolerate a mistress if he is successful.
In Russia, expect most of the men to drink a LOT. Some don't at all of course. Also expect to cook, clean, raise the kiddies AND work. Also, domestic violence over there is routinely ignored by the militia (cops)
In the Middle East, expect much much worse. Like tolerating physical abuse.
For the brides over there, american men that accept them as equals in the decisions of the household (or at least LISTEN to them) are wonderful. We do housework, some cook, and we work and don't drink so much.
All in all, it is the best of both worlds for both parties in the marriage. We get women that LOVE being women, they get decent men (sometimes outstanding compared to their homelands).
A call to all good conservative males in the US to offer auditions at no cost! We have to do our part in the global community.
Do you read? There was a qualifier: "Of course there are exceptions."
Sorry, but one is always the result of the other.
It Suuuure is! :~D
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