What Are the Conservative Protest Anthems?

Ace of Spades HQ ^ | 12/02/2004 | Ace of Spades HQ

[Warhead W-88]

That Ukranian protest song got me thinking.

We all make fun of the painfully-earnest and stridently-liberal balladeers who fill us with so much excess stomache acid, but, hey, I'll be the one to admit it: I'm jealous.

Where's my protest anthem? Where's my catchy sing-a-long rock rebellion?

Sure, such songs don't really advance a philosophical position. They're the near-religious chants of the already-converted. But damnit, it gets kinda tedious just quoting Larry Kudlow and Deborah Orin all day. Why can't we occasionally just be able to sing our politics and maybe even groove to it? ...

The only real conservative protest anthems are only such if considered metaphorically, or loosely. There aren't too many songs with lyrics which explicitly champion conservatism.

The best you can find, really -- and this is either sad or pretty cool, depending on your taste -- is the sort of dunderheaded heavy metal screw-your-parents-and-teachers rock of the eighties. The actual specifics of the lyrics are usually pretty irrelevant to politics -- unless your politics is in fact fighting for your right to party -- but often just the attitude and a phrase in a chorus is close enough to an expression of the conservative discontent as to qualify as a bona fide political anthem.

And the song that I think is best example of this is Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It. Yeah, it's kinda silly, but that guitar and drum really kick, and the lyrics, actually, are pretty easily read as a conservative manifesto:

We've got the right to choose it There ain't no way we'll lose it This is our life, this is our song

We'll fight the powers that be, just don't pick our destiny, 'cause you don't know us, you don't belong

We're not gonna take it, no ain't gonna take it We're not gonna take it anymore

Oh you're so condescending Your gall is never-ending We don't want nothin', not a thing from you

Your life is trite and jaded Boring and confiscated If that's your best, your best won't do

We're RIGHT (Yeah!) We're FREE (Yeah!) We'll FIGHT (Yeah!) You'll see! (Yeahhhhh!)

If anyone can top that -- by a rock performer, not by Darryl Whorley, Tobey Keith, or Charlie Daniels -- I'd like to know about it.

More at Ace of Spades HQ.

[Mr. Buzzcut]

Lemme give this one some thought ...!

[reaganaut]

that's perfect. Loud AND annoying. And I hate Rap.

[doug from upland]

Bringing one back from six or seven years ago. This was the first song I ever did by request after doing about my first 10 parodies.

To you terrorist b*st*rds who want to end our civilization. You have no idea with whom you are messing. The Germans and the Spaniards and the cheese-eating surrender monkeys might be afraid of you. We are not. We have a leader who is not and the war is going to be taken to you wherever you cockroaches hide. We will be glad to arrange the meeting you plan to have with the virgins. It will be on our terms, not yours.

THE FREEPER ANTHEM

MIDI - DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING

Can you hear the FReepers sing...we lift our voices to the sky
And we are swearing to our God that we will all live free or die
Many brave men gave their lives so that this nation could be free
If we will stand and fight we honor their memory

England ruled from afar until the brave among them said
We won't accept the tyranny...we'll show them kings are dead
So they grabbed their weapons and fought and America's born

Can you hear the FReepers sing...we lift our voices to the sky
And we are swearing to our God that we will all live free or die
Many brave men gave their lives so that this nation could be free
If we will stand and fight we honor their memory

In more recent times some tyrants had sworn they would rule the world
But the strong stood up and fought and with the stars and stripes unfurled
Defeated the Nazis and fascists and communists too

Can you hear the FReepers sing...we lift our voices to the sky
And we are swearing to our God that we will all live free or die
Many brave men gave their lives so that this nation could be free
If we will stand and fight we honor their memory

Can you hear the FReepers sing...we lift our voices to the sky
And we are swearing to our God that we will all live free or die
Many brave men gave their lives so that this nation could be free
If we will stand and fight we honor their memory

[Churchjack]

Now that ya mention it, I've always found it a damn shame that folk-style music has traditionally been wholly owned by lesbians, communists and environmentalists (are the last two redundant or what?). I find the lyricism and velvety melodies just wonderful to the ear; but the leftist sentiments have always driven me away.

I do a little gospel/worship music with it, but always concentrate on keeping a masculine edge to it.

I think Southern Rock has a lot of potential as an expressive medium for conservative sentiments. It's earthy, but urbane (think Allman Bros.).

[jesda]

Too many of us have jobs to bother making up lame slogans.

[Jakarta ex-pat]

From The Musical Jesus Christ Superstar

Judas:

Hey hey woman your fine ointment

brand new and expensive

should have been saved for the poor.

Why has it been wasted?

We could have raised maybe

300 silver pieces or more.

People who are hungry, people who are starving

they matter more than your

feet and hands.

Mary:

Try not to get worried

try not to turn on to

problems that upset you

don't you know everything's alright

yes everything's alright yes

Jesus:

Surely you're not saying we have the resources

to save the poor from their lot?

There will be poor always, pathetically struggling

look at the good things you've got.

Think while you still have me,

move while you still see me,

you'll be lost and you'll be sorry

when I'm gone!

"Everything's alright"

Lyrics Tim Rice

[festus]

What about Metal Health ? Not exactly a conservative protest song but adding on little N to that lyric gives you one heck of a modern parody.

Mental health will drive you crazy
Mental health will drive you mad
Mental health is what we all need
Its what you oughta have.

[NCnodeLOGICBOMB]

"Please Don't Judas Me" by Nazareth

Please don’t judas me
Treat me as you like to be treated
Please don’t blacklist me
Leave me as you’d wish to find me
Don’t analyze me, sacrifice me
Please don’t judas me.

Please don’t chastise me
Show me just one shred of kindness
Try to help me see
Guide me in my eyes of blindness
Don’t despise me, categorize me
Please don’t judas me.

No, no don’t judas me
No, please don’t judas me

Please don’t headshrink me
Don’t disguise your innuendos
Make no lies to me
I can see the way the wind blows
Don’t deface me, annihilate me
Please don’t judas me.

Please don’t number me
Don’t betray my trusted promise
Please don’t anger me
I find it hard to bear no malice
Don’t frustrate me, manipulate me
Please don’t judas me

No no don’t judas me
No,please don’t judas me

[MortMan]

IMHO, conservatives try to DO something about problems, not just protest them by singing a song.

[raccoonradio]

There was a "satire-folk" group called the Foremen who did a song called "Ain't No Liberal No More" (kind of in the style of folk seen in "A Mighty Wind"). Lyrics below. It
actually makes fun of conservatives but it's damn catchy...about as close as I can get to conservative folk.
(PRETENDS to be, at least, but you can tell from the lyrics where they really come from)

(picture a gospel-style rave up)
I saw a blinding flash of light
So I pulled over to the first church on the right

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt
Wanna laugh and shout about it
'Cause I once was a liberal (1)
But I ain't no liberal no more

I saw a bum on the curb today
Well, I hit the gas and covered him with gutter spray

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt
Wanna laugh and shout about it
'Cause I once was a liberal (1)
But I ain't no liberal no more

My heart is jumpin' and my head is swimmin'
I feel like I could take the vote away from women

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt
Wanna laugh and shout about it
'Cause I once was a liberal (1)
But I ain't no liberal no more

On that joyful day, yes on that glorious day
The day I threw my Birkenstocks away
The angel told me, "Oh, ye man of sin,
Open up your bleeding heart and let Pat Buchanan in!"

I saw a starving third world nation
So I exploited its underprivileged population

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt
Wanna laugh and shout about it
'Cause I once was a liberal (1)
But I ain't no liberal no more

Now, I support all my neighbors of color
And their attempts to make that color a little duller (2)

And I feel so good, ain't no doubt
Wanna laugh and shout about it
'Cause I once was a liberal (1)
But I ain't no liberal no more

Oh, on that joyful day, yes on that glorious day
The day I burned up all my macramé
The angel told me what is good for GM
Is good for me, and me, and me
And the hell with the rest of them

I used to be so paranoid
But now I'm — what?!

I feel so good, ain't no doubt
Wanna laugh and shout about it
'Cause I once was a liberal (1)
But I ain't no liberal
And I once was a peacenik
But I bought stock in Lockheed

And I once was a union man
But I got me this nice office

And I once was a feminist
But I just don't understand women

And I once supported rent control
But I inherited some property (3)

And I once was anti-censorship
But I don't have time for fiction

And I once hated racism
But I figure, why fight it?

And I once had compassion
But I ain't no liberal no more

---

Reprise version lyric variations:

1 Because I once was a liberal

2 On the Reprise version, this couplet is replaced with:

I wanna be there when we take the streets
So I cut out two little eyeholes in my sheets

3 Then I inherited some property

[RockinRight]

That'll work!

Quiet Riot has always been a "guilty pleasure" of mine.

[GOPcapitalist]

My favorite protest song (and one that universally pisses off all the blue staters) is Sweet Home Alabama. It was intentionally written as a response to the noxious left wing pothead canadian nut Neil Young who has trouble keeping his radical politics off the stage.

[Optimist]

BTTT Bookmark

[Ichneumon]

I can't believe no one has mentioned "Rocky Top" or "A Country Boy Can Survive" yet...

Significant verse from "Rocky Top":

Once two strangers climbed on Rocky Top,
Lookin' for a moonshine still.
Strangers ain't come back from Rocky Top,
Guess they never will.

And just about *all* of "A Country Boy Can Survive":

The preacher man says it’s the end of time
And the Mississippi River she’s a goin’ dry
The interest is up and the Stock Markets down
And you only get mugged
If you go down town

I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I can plow a field all day long
I can catch catfish from dusk till dawn
We make our own whiskey and our own smoke too
Ain’t too many things these ole boys can’t do
We grow good ole tomatoes and homemade wine
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Because you can’t starve us out
And you cant makes us run
Cause one-of- ‘em old boys raisin ole shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

We came from the West Virginia coalmines
And the Rocky Mountains and the and the western skies
And we can skin a buck; we can run a crop line
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I had a good friend in New York City
He never called me by my name, just hillbilly
My grandpa taught me how to live off the land
And his taught him to be a businessman
He used to send me pictures of the Broadway nights
And I’d send him some homemade wine

But he was killed by a man with a switchblade knife
For 43 dollars my friend lost his life
Id love to spit some beechnut in that dudes eyes
And shoot him with my old 45
Cause a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Cause you can’t starve us out and you can’t make us run
Cause one-of- ‘em old boys raisin ole shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn

We’re from North California and south Alabam
And little towns all around this land
And we can skin a buck; we can run a crop line
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Especially the classic Hank Williams Jr. version, sung with an unmistakable "f*** you" attitude...

[Ichneumon]

IMHO, conservatives try to DO something about problems, not just protest them by singing a song.

From the brilliant musical satirist, Tom Lehrer:

We are the folk song army,
Every one of us cares.
We all hate poverty, war, and injustice
Unlike the rest of you squares.

There are innocuous folk songs, yeah,
But we regard 'em with scorn.
The folks who sing 'em have no social conscience,
Why, they don't even care if Jimmy Crack Corn.

If you feel dissatisfaction,
Strum your frustrations away.
Some people may prefer action,
But give me a folk song any old day.

The tune don't have to be clever,
And it don't matter if you put a couple extra syllables into a line.
It sounds more ethnic if it ain't good English
And it don't even gotta rhyme... (excuse me: rhyne!)

Remember the war against Franco?
That's the kind where each of us belongs.
Though he may have won all the battles,
We had all the good songs!

So join in the folk song army!
Guitars are the weapons we bring
To the fight against poverty, war, and injustice.
Ready, aim, sing!

[Figment]

Angry American

[Figment]

I've heard that one but I thought it was by a group called "the Capitol Steps"

[Figment]

Neil is kinda wacky but I don't think he's a pothead. He's liberal in his politics but conservative in deeds. He funds a school for kids with some sort of disability(I forget which one, maybe autism). He actually sang onstage with Skynyrd in Miami before their plane crash, doing Sweet Home Alabama.