Aide says Arafat 'sleeping'

CLAMART, France - Yasser Arafat was not in a coma but remained in intensive care Saturday after undergoing more medical tests, a senior aide to the ailing Palestinian leader said. Test results were expected within days.

Nabil Abu Rdeneh, Arafat's spokesman, would not say whether his announcement meant Arafat had emerged from a coma or whether he had not been comatose at all. He also refused to say whether he saw Arafat personally, and he did not specify the nature of the new medical tests.

"He is not in a coma," Abu Rdeneh told reporters after coming out of the French military hospital where Arafat has been treated for more than a week.

"He is under strict medical observance. We hope that in the coming few days we will be able to know exactly what he is suffering from. So far, nobody could diagnose the situation," he said at about midnight, adding that Arafat's condition was stable.

Doctors have not yet made public any diagnosis, but the Palestinian envoy to France, Leila Shahid, said Friday that the 75-year-old Arafat was in a coma and "at a critical point between life and death."

Earlier, hospital spokesman Gen. Christian Estripeau described Arafat's condition as unchanged from Friday. Palestinian Prime Minister Ahmed Qureia, in a bid to preserve calm, made a rare visit to the Gaza Strip for talks with rival Palestinian groups.

Qureia met for four hours with representatives of the 13 major Palestinian factions, including Hamas and Islamic Jihad, as well as security chiefs, lawmakers and officials of Arafat's Fatah faction. Such a broad gathering is extremely rare.

How fitting for Arafat to have this much chicanery surrounding his death.

For the better part of the last 50 years, Europe, the U.N. and even the United States seemed all too willing to put lipstick on this ass, and deny that he was a pig.

Folks, Arafat was a pig. From his time as the leader of the Palestinian Liberation Organization when he was undeniably a ruthless terrorist, to the time he died, he was considered by many to still be planning events causing the deaths of the Israelis or their friends.

Most of his life, people lied about him and chose to look the other way with regard to his true nature.

Today people are comicly lying about his physical health. The man has likely been dead for about a week now. I don't know how they could manage it, but I'm seriously contemplating how the Palestinians are going to spin this man's life, when he doesn't have one any longer.

I'd advise the Israelis to guard the cave door on this one. You just know the Palestinians are going to say he is risen. It goes without saying.

The Dead Parrot Sketch --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Praline: Hello, I wish to register a complaint . . . Hello? Miss? Shopkeeper: What do you mean, miss?

Praline: Oh, I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.

Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.

Praline: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Shopkeeper: Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?

Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

Shopkeeper: No, no it's resting, look!

Praline: Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.

Shopkeeper: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.

Praline: Resting?

Shopkeeper: Yeah, remarkable bird the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?

Praline: The plumage don't enter into it -- it's stone dead.

Shopkeeper: No, no -- it's just resting.

Praline: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!

Shopkeeper: (jogging cage) There it moved.

Praline: No he didn't. That was you pushing the cage.

Shopkeeper: I did not.

Praline: Yes, you did. (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Shopkeeper: No, no it's stunned.

Praline: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.

Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the fjords.

Praline: Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?

Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely plumage.

Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.

Shopkeeper: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.

Praline: Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.

Shopkeeper: It's not, it's pining.

Praline: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

Shopkeeper: Well, I'd better replace it then.

Praline: (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.

Shopkeeper: Sorry guv, we're right out of parrots.

Praline: I see. I see. I get the picture.

Shopkeeper: I've got a slug.

Praline: Does it talk?

Shopkeeper: Not really, no.

Praline: Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?

Shopkeeper: Listen, I'll tell you what, (handing over a card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton he'll replace your parrot for you.

Praline: Bolton eh?

Shopkeeper: Yeah.

Praline: All right. He leaves, holding the parrot.

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