"A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was,
the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...
but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."
Posted on 11/05/2004 11:52:42 AM PST by iheartusa
There is an unspoken taboo in our society where if you admit that having kids wasn't quite what you thought it would be and that if you could do it all over again that you would have chosen NOT to have kids, that you are a monster, an evil, despicable monster. The truth is a large percentage of parents HATE being parents. They will never say it out loud and they can't even admit that to themselves because "only an evil demon" would come to that conclusion, they think. However, underneath it all, underneath all the B.S. is the truth that we all know: Children are overrated. For every precious moment where the little brat does something special, there are 1,000 moments where they drive you crazy. They literally tear your life upside down. Marriage, sex life, your wives appearance, your social life, the list goes on and on and on. Oh yeah, the worst part is yet to come - the teenage years. I could write volumes on this subject. The reason people have children is because of this unwritten societal norm where the standard is to get married and immediately begin to produce offspring because "that's the thing to do". Here's another fact for you if you're interested in the subject: the highest points of martial satisfaction are: 1) after the kids leave and 2) before the kids were born. Look it up, it's true.
I decided not to have kids or a wife... And haven't regretted it one bit!!! I look at all my sorry faced friends straining to make ends meet, having the endless honey do lists, soccer games, Dr bills, bitching, whinny little brats, debt up their asses!!.....and me....well I focused on work and saving money and have no debt, date all different kinds of women, no strings attached, buying a brand new custom house that my friends and family can only dream about, and will be able to retire at 45..... Yea, I may grow up old and have no one but look....most of you will be divorced and so broke after raising kids, alimony, child support, kids college...that you will have nothing to show for it when you are 65 and still have to work till your are dead......sorry thats reality. My relatives have given up asking. They know better. Then someone always pulls me aside and says, "I would love to have your life".
I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails. People imagine dressing their daughter in pretty clothes, or playing catch with their son. They don't think about being awoken at 2 a.m. by a sick, screaming kid who just threw up all over the bed, and who doesn't give a shit that you have to get up for work in four hours. They don't think about the mortgage company threatening to foreclose, or the electricity being shut off, because the husband can't pay all the bills on one income. More people should think about these things, and fewer people should be having children. Parenthood should be left to those few couples who are willing to take the good with the bad.
NoMarriage.com manual will help you determine if you are ready and want to have children in the near future.
Other than the emotional roller coaster of love,love and more love I get from my children,they are a real pain....I can see this guys point and it's on his head.
"Actually, I did know someone years ago who had a baby and was really not happy after the fact. Her husband was thrilled, she was not."
There is a name for that. It is called post-partum depression. It is normal. It is common. It can be treated in a variety of ways.
Also, not every parent has an instant bond with their children the instant they are born. Many regard them as little strangers that they have to get to know. Some people have their overwhelming breakthrough in love when the children are older.
My father and I were not close until I was a grown man and we could talk to each other like men. Our mutual love and respect now knows no bounds. My youngest son is six years old, and while I have always loved him, it is only in the last year or so that our relationship has really blossomed. I did not experience that with his older brother.
Not everyone is a "perfect" parent or has a perfect disposition towards their kids the moment they are born. That doesn't maek them bad people. Remember that each person is a total of their nature, their upbringing and their experiences.
My kids go to private school. I pay double for everyone elses. I am consistent in that I don't support government schools. But that is a different thread.
I have been divorced for a year now. I have done absolutely nothing wrong for a whole year. It is amazing. I was married for 22 years. I spent 22 years doing everything wrong. I finally figured it out. She was very pretty on the outside, and I got hooked on that. The sex was incredible. Was the sex and good looks worth it. I still can’t decide.
Well I for one can identify with this guy.I have one mostly grown son on my own whom I love dearly mostly because he no longer lives with me and then I managed to marry into another 4.Most of the time I can think of nothing positive about the experiance.For the most part children have contributed nothing to my life except added expense and more unpaid thankless work.I can't wait to marry off our two remaining obnoxious..er I mean wonderfull teen age daughters.Any takers?
How is this any different than paying for public schools when you either homeschool or send your kids to private/parochial school?
If you're against paying school tax, you could always vote against it. But I think wise members of society realize that the welfare of the next generation has great personal significance as well. When you will be 90, the doctors and nurses treating you will be the same kids (or grandkids) who were educated with your tax money.
He's not the messenger. He is a jerk who is espousing his opinion with no experience to draw on. How can someone who has no children assume to know how people with children feel?
I once thought that I didn't want children. Not to the degree of this selfish dork, but I was convinced that having a child would be a pain.
Then I had one, and I could not imagine my life without her.
If he was correct, there should be a large percentage of parents who's children are lost in some tragedy, who stand by the casket with a smile on their faces. I've never seen it...
No, probably not. I once stumbled on a child-free website and it was sad. These people don't think their lives have much worth or significance either and think, what's the big whoop if my parents had decided not to have me?
Because this is the first day I have ever posted to Free Republic and I evidently haven't grasped the subtleties of the posting system. :-)
I thought I was replying to the parent topic.
i.e. Lines like this:
I think most people end up having kids because 1) They're too stupid to know how to use birth control properly and/or 2) They have an idealistic, completely unrealistic vision of what parenthood entails.
My husband and I don't have kids either, but the pressure from family is fairly annoying.
I like kids fine and enjoy playing with my nieces, but hubby and I are enjoying the romance of being a couple (nearly 12 years!)
His type does not concern me in the long run - for his genes and memes (ideas) will not be passed on ... but mine will.
Reproduction vs. recruitment.
No prob...I noticed after I posted that you were new.
Welcome to FR!
Unfortunately I have. Frankly, if a parent has this attitude, they seriously do need to keep it to themselves.
I feel this way but without the hositility. I've never wanted kids, even when I was a kid. I didn't like baby dolls. I preferred Barbie because she was a grown up and could do whatever she wanted (or I made her). I didn't babysit as a teenager because I didn't enjoy children. My husband and I know we wouldn't be happy with kids in our life. Thank goodness there are plenty of people who adore children. I happen not to be one of them.
Why is he so embittered then? He should be thrilled.
How long does post-partum depression last? The child was well over a year old, and the mother seemed kind of bitter. And I didn't mean to imply that she was a bad parent, she seemed to be taking very good care of the boy. As I said, he was a very happy and sweet child.
And in some cases this might be rather scary. Sorry, couldn't resist. Will stop the rabbit trail topic now.
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