Robotic Bartender

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also -- like any good bartender-- engage in appropriate conversation.

A man enters the bar, orders a drink. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "150." And the robot proceeds to make conversation about Quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, etc. The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "100." And immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, baseball, cheerleaders, etc. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He goes back in, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "50." And the robot says, > > > > > > "So, you gonna vote for Kerry? "

A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at
the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you
settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see
a high official around these parts, you see, so we're
not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the guy. "Well, I'd
like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll
do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in
Heaven. Then you can
choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in
Heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St.
Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down,
down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds
himself in
the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is
a club and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him,
everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They
run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the
good times they had while getting rich at the expense
of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and
then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the
Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having
such a good time that before he realizes it, it is
time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves
while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on
Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a
group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,
playing the harp and singing. They have a good time
and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by
and St. Peter returns. "Well then, you've spent a day
in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your
eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers,
"Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has
been delightful, but I think I would be better off in
Hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the
elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his
friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to him
and lays his arm on his neck. "I don't understand,"
stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and
caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there
is, is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look
miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we
were campaigning...Today you voted for us!"

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me The President.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you The People.
The nanny, we will consider her The Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him The Future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense.
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep.
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now,"
The father says, "Great son! Tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The President is scr**ing The Working Class while The Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and The Future is in deep s**t."

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