Posted on 10/24/2004 3:44:10 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
The British newspaper, The Guardian, recently asked its readers to write to citizens of Ohio in order to convince them to vote for John Kerry for president. Here is one of the letters sent by a Brit to a resident of the Buckeye state:
Greetings my insufferable little Buckeye Twit,
I have never been to Ohio nor do I have the slightest intention of ever condescending to visit your Midwestern cultural wasteland at any time in the future. However, I am writing you at the behest of The Guardian newspaper in order to properly inform you as to what is in your best interests in the forthcoming presidential election.
One candidate, Mr. John F. Kerry, has an appealing Continental demeanor and an internationalist understanding as to the proper subservient role of the United States on the world stage. Arrayed against the well-civilized Mr. Kerry is an uncouth cowboy who claims to be your current president. He is so impertinent as to believe in putting America's best interests first as opposed to yielding to the better-informed counsels of such great European capitals as Paris and Berlin.
Should your state wisely decide to cast its lot with Mr. Kerry, your reward will be a serious consideration of Ohio's application to return to the British fold as a crown colony. On the other hand, if you choose to re-elect that vulgarian in the Oval Office, I shall castigate you severely and subject you to public humiliation before hauling you before the International Court of Justice at The Hague to be tried for crimes against human decency.
Thank you for allowing me to enlighten you with this humble admonition. If you ever decide to return to the Mother Country, please be sure NOT to look me up since I have a strict aversion to physical contact with my social inferiors.
Cheerio,
Lord Horatio Haughtey-Snuffington
Sounds like your average limosine liberal. Good Parody.
Shhhhhh!
I've noticed a lot of Freepers falling for parody, as if it were true. I could think that they just don't think before they post, but with reflection, the world of politics itself today resembles a parody more than reality. So it may be hard for some to tell the difference.
LOL!....Actually at first I thought it IS a parody, then I thought, you know, it DOES sound like what some liberal Brit might say...my main point was that when or if an Ohioan does get one of these letters that an answer from us Freepers is what is needed.
Shew fly shew........neither your opinion or presence is required. You can take you opinions and piss off for all I am concerned........you may recall that you were cordially invited to leave in 1776 and we will not be offering the favor of a return invitation.
As you can see we have prospered without your opinions or interference and shall continue to do the same regardless of you interpretation of the facts. You would do better to mind your own store seeing how the cupboards are rather barren these days. Your nation has slipped from singular influence in the world to that of subject to the United States, which brings us to the real point of your letter. How does it feel to be on the receiving end of someone else knife point?
Ahhhhh, yes turn about is fair play....now go play with your banger and sod off!
By my Liege,
An American Citizen living in Ohio
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