[Joe Republc]

Thanks much for the feedback so far!


My boy's behavior:

- Fidgets a lot.

- Worst subjects are reading comprehension, writing, answering questions based on the reading. It's not a matter of vocabulary. He's just impatient. If reads aloud, he does better.

- He's going into 4th grade. He's one of the best at arithmentic.

- Has an amazing short-term memory.

- Translated into traditional grades, he gets 'A's on math, 'B's and 'C's on other stuff. But the going will be rougher in 4th grade.

- He's plays outside well. Usually plays a sport.

- Despite what I just said, he also loves video games. Someone asked if he can play more than an hour. Yes, but we won't let it go on too much.

- Very charismatic, loves a crowd. Will be a salesman or politician. (I'm NOT this way, but he's adopted.)

- Stubborn.

- Not a trouble-maker at school. We thought he would be, because he's so strong-willed. But he's generally pretty good.

- Highly disorganized.

- He's fat and eats too much junk food. I have fought a losing battle with my wife for 10 years on this. My wife is strict with respect to school, but indulgent with respect to food, and amount of TV.


Anything else you like to know?

-- Joe

P.S. To the believers out there, a little prayer for discernment for my wife and me would be appreciated.

[truthingod]

Your son sounds just like my child entering 4th grade. He struggled and the teachers did not help the situation. I did find the book "overcoming underacheiving" a great help. If you will take the time to read it, there is a lot of information that will help you decide if your child does need further work up regarding the ADHD. There is a section in the book that gives a testing method you can try between home and school(which requires the help of the teacher every day for at least a month) but it will give you a much better picture of what your child may be struggling with. You should also ask the school phsychologist to administer a couple of tests to determine his impulsivity response. You may be surprised by the results. I believe that education is the first most important thing you and your wife can do. Diet may help some, especially stopping the sugars and white flour, these do cause changes in the blood sugar that can cause problems with concentration. Physical activity a must, it increases the endorphins that will help him feel more at peace and happy. Sleep is a must, and most of all, take Proverbs chapter 1 verses 1-7 and pray these words over your son with his name, saying: your sons name will know wisdom and instruction...etc. Try this for the month of september and see if there is a change in all of you. I pray you will be able to find God's will in this.

[subterfuge]

He sounds like a regular kid to me.

Also, I've heard that there is a connection with how many dollars public schools recieve from the Feds based on how many kids are "suffering" from ADHD and are on the drugs. Also that the drug companies are in on it somehow too.

Prayers coming your way. I know its tough Joe, but hang in there.

[Politicalmom]

I struggled against medication for my son for YEARS. I finally allowed it a year and a half ago. He is on Strattera, and it has saved our family. He was a miserable child, and now he says how much happier he is, and how he CAN control his impulses now. The stress he put the entire family under was indescribable.

Now my other children get their fair share of attention, and my husband and I actually get to spend time having fun with our son, instead of everything being a huge disaster.

[old and tired]

Joe, I will most certainly pray. But it sounds to me like the boy's got a problem sitting down to read a book. That's probably 75% of the 10 year old boys in the world.

Don't blame your son's weight on your wife. 1)He may be getting the prepubescent chubbies and will be having a growth spurt soon. And 2)If he were running off the excess calories it wouldn't matter how much junk food he ate.

[Marie]

You just described my son. He frustrates the hell out me much of the time, but he's also bright, chatty and very lovable. As for the reading, it took me years to figure this trick out, but it works like magic. Let him read what HE wants to. I couldn't get my son to read ANYTHING and what he did read he couldn't remember. Now he reads his butt off and can recite (almost word for word) everything in the book. Sharks, bugs and dinosaurs mostly. He also likes Tom Sawyer.

We also discovered that he's farsighted and large print books go over well. The library has a whole section with only large print books.

[Xenalyte]

From your list, your son is a typical 10-year-old who needs to get outside more. I'd limit his indoor TV/video/computer time to an hour a day, and cut WAY down on processed sugar.

[WV Mountain Mama]

You just described my husband when he was that age from the math, reading and disorganization. He has an undergraduate degree in industrial engineering and a master's in computer science.

You also just described a normal 10 year old boy.

[Old anti feminist]

I see a lack of disapline, an over controlling wife. When he was 2 did he tell you what to do? He is a result of two people who created this problem. Its not too late, tell your wife to back off and trust your instincts. The kid is probably a normal kid!

[handy]

Hey Joe,

Here's my second post and $.02, so I'm up to $.04 ;-).

I won't repeat my earlier post, and this may be of minimal benefit to you, but our child had trouble reading until we used Saxon Phonics at home. Like I said, his Dx is Autism, so he's a little more severe that your child - well maybe a lot more severe - it just huts to say it, ya' know? < /tears >

Anyway, we used the home school phonics after he came home from regular school each night to help him catch up & keep up. He's a sixth grader this year, and we still do extra reading comprehension work at home. Hope this helps you or someone else.

FWIW, when people ask me who MY hero is, it's my kid. He has overachieved more than any single person I've ever personally met.

[Old anti feminist]

I see a lack of disapline, an over controlling wife. When he was 2 did he tell you what to do? He is a result of two people who created this problem. Its not too late, tell your wife to back off and trust your instincts. The kid is probably a normal kid!

[funkywbr]

Sound just like my son.

I remeber that they wanted me to not let him go into 1st grade and I said no. Let him sink or swim and we'll take it from there.

My sons always been about a C grader and it's OK with me.

Anyway my son did make it through HS and is now going to community College, works part time, has a girl and is a front man for a band (he's now 20 BTW).

My daughter on the other hand went to University and was an a/b student.

Diversity is OK.

Let's all thank god for what we have even if it is not Grade A.

[Dan from Michigan]

Sounds a lot like I used to be except I was a pencilneck stick when I was 10, sometimes got in trouble, and my short term memory wasn't great. I was never taken to a doc for ADD treatment, but I beat the craze for Ritalin by about 5 years.

I still to this day fidget and can not sit still. I have no patience whatsoever either. I used that to my advantage when I worked on issue advocacy campaigns during 2002 - by getting involved in projects. I'm a stickler for details and one of my goals in politics is to be the next Atwater. It takes time to find the details I need, but it's a competition to me. If I'm not working, the other guy is. It goes back to my football mentality.

I needed to be active, and needed to be involved in 'adventures'. Still do. I also need to see a reason for doing something. I don't like wasting my time nor being forced to waste my time which is something I've had to deal with during some classes I had to take(I had to tell myself that I needed the piece of paper - diploma or degree).

The best thing that happened to me was football and the weightlifting program that went with it. It taught me discipline and I could see and experience the results(Going from a 140 lb stick to 185lbs solid). I later coached football for 4 years.

Disclaimer - I'm not a doc, and I don't have kids. That said, based on my own experience, I don't see where Ritalin would be needed from what I've read. I graduated High school with a 3.0 while coasting(I planned for that a bit by schedule choice) and got into a Big Ten University. I took time off for awhile with burnout and I'll be graduating this fall with a degree.

My recommendation based on what I have read so far, is to decline the drugs, and to encourage you kid to get involved in an organized activity he is interested in. In my case it was football. His may be the same or different.

It sounds like he's bored.

[AnAmericanMother]

Prayers up for you.

I have one "normal" child and one ADHD child. There IS a difference. :-D

Medication has been a lifesaver for my ADHD son. BUT . . . and here's the big qualifier:

Lots of kids ARE overmedicated. ADD and ADHD are like Alzheimer's - there is a core of people who really have the disease, surrounded by a much larger group of people who have a few symptoms that suggest it but don't really warrant medication, and (sadly) a group whose relatives (or teachers, or doctors) WANT them to have the disease because it gives them a label.

Here's what I would do (actually, it's what we did.) Don't rely on the pediatrician's word. Get recommendations to a highly qualified testing psychologist AND a good psychiatrist. People that your pediatrician knows well and trusts (assuming you trust your pediatrician - I would trust ours with our lives.) Check them out - credentials, publications, reputation in the community. THEN have your son thoroughly tested. Only if you get a solid and unanimous recommendation from your testing team would I resort to medication - and then carefully controlled and supervised. Note also that Ritalin is not the drug of choice for many kids. There are some other medications on the market that aren't stimulants (that seems to bother folks, even though stimulants careful controlled and dispensed can help.)

If your son is a borderline case, diet and exercise may help. But my pediatrician just told me about a recent study that showed no statistically significant results from the diet therapy. We DO make sure that our kids don't eat a lot of sugar and processed foods, just because that junk is so inferior to real, wholesome food. (Maybe you can make a deal with your wife . . . since you're concerned about his diet and exercise . . . won't go on Ritalin right now, if she'll help with getting him to improve his diet and lose weight. Meanwhile, you can begin the process of looking for a good testing team to get to the bottom of your son's situation.)

The other good news is that this is NOT forever. For most kids, puberty seems to hasten brain maturity and in most cases will reduce or eliminate the need for meds. My son just turned 13, and we have begun reducing his medication, and he's doing well.

But he was an extreme case. Before we put him on medication, he could not learn to read. He WANTED to learn, was very frustrated, but couldn't remember the letters and phonics long enough to grasp an entire word. You had to see it to believe it . . . it was awful. Once we got his medication dose correct, he was reading short chapter books in less than two weeks. He's very bright, he just could not focus on anything.

(Except video games. It's very typical of ADD and ADHD children . . . the quick tempo and constant whirling change of your typical shoot 'em up video game is just their cup of tea. Forget video games with riddles or problem solving though!)

You are in our prayers. Hope everything works out.